i am in an angry state today. i have held back my true feelings from my h for so long because i just didn't want him to be angry with me. i have really opted for reconcilliation all through this, but now i have to admit that i am very angry with him for leaving me and causing me to have the pressures of being a single mother after a 21 year relationship/16 year marriage... <P>i told him today that i was mad and that i blamed him for all of my current burdens and how did he expect to reconcile when i will forever resent him for causing me to have these intense feelings of desperation... i hate having to choose between paying my bills and buying household needs... my kids are big. one is 17 and one is 14. they eat, drink, s**t and sleep like adults. they have adult needs. they wear adult sized clothes and shoes. my stbex makes more than double my salary and he is very sparing with helping me financially. i beleive the only reason he continues to pay the rent on the house is because it is his dad's house. if we owed the rent to someone he did not know me and the kids would have been evicted by now. he likes to see me struggling. i beleive he is a little jealous and doesn't want me to be better off or even as well off as he his. he was jealous when we were married and i don't believe that he has changed one bit in that area. he hated it when i had something new or newer than he did.<P>also my d will be final n e day and i am freaking out. i think i am falling apart...maybe that is why i am so emotional and can't hold my feelings/anger in any longer. oh my God, i am really freaking out here...

I am so sorry to hear this. I understand the wanting reconciliation part and then becoming bitter and getting on with your life. me becoming bitter is the only thing that is saving my sanity at the moment.<P>I was too nice about him kicking us out and all for too long and i finally became angry and numb....that helped and now the time is coming for the baby to be born and I am terrified and sad....I have to see him again sometime soon. UUgghh...<P>You have every rightto be anngry at him and since you have not expressed yourself until now it has all built up inside.<P>You take care of yourself.<P>We are praying for you...K<P><BR>

{{{{{KIM}}}}}...please call me tonight, my phone will be gone soon. I know how you are feeling, and I don't have much free time on the Internet today...sorry. -Mike

((((((((((((((((((((((KIM)))))))))))))))))))))))))<P><BR>I'm just as pissed off as you today, so let's drown our sorrows.<P>But honestly, I've been there and done that and so I'm so very sorry that your going through it. But as each day passes, sure the financial pressures are still there, but I heal and the resentment just seems to blend into the background.<P>PS. Don't know what your name means but let me tell you I can do hair with the best of em.<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

{{{{{{{{{{BILL}}}}}}}}}}<P>i hope you are having a better day today. i am a little better. i hate that i am such a wimp though. Of course i told my ex how i felt and i was really nasty about it. then i turned around and apologized. what a dip. i have no spine whatsoever...<P>N E way...<P>my user name means "In Dedication of Stylin"... Stylin was my dads first name... (i said it was his middle name in Niniatoo's post "what does your screen name mean", that was a typo). he hated it so he told everybody his middle name which was Eugene. everybody just called him Gene... can you tell I was a daddy's girl??? (it is pronounced sti-len). don't have very good hair stylin skills... I just keep my hair short and curlly... No effort there... <P>both of my parents are deceased and I am an only child. i think that makes me feel extra alone and out here with nobody to turn to... <P>Thank God I believe in God or I would really bug out...

tried callin last night around 6pm my time. your son said you were out and he wasn't sure when you would be returning. i told him to tell you i called, but if yours are like mine you never got the message... <P>N E way i am feeling a little better today. only because i prayed last night. nothing i did that's for sure. i ain't doin nothin right these days... <P>i am just tired of this whole thing. one day up, one day down, one day angry, one day of tears and puffy eyes. i'm tired... so tired... i am not feeling very encouraged to keep hanging in there i really need prayers...<P> <P>

Interesting!!! I guess I interpreted that one way wrong, I figured you were a hairdresser.<P>I, too, am doing a little better today. My anger never lasts that long and it’s always replaced with sadness, so I’m just a bit down today. Recently, I’ve been easing off the roller coaster a bit be looking at things a little differently. I ask myself “Can I Control That” and if the answer is no I pray that God will lift that burden from my shoulders. Sure, it doesn’t make everything all better but I do stress less.<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers your way<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

thanks for writing to me i too let sadness replace anger and that is exactly where i am too...<P>thanks the hump day jokes post... i laughed so hard at the gym joke and i had to copy it and send it to everyone i know...<P>thanks for the love, hugs and prayers i send them right bact to ya...<P>Kim...<P>p.s. don't worry about the name thing... i told you my dad hated it i guess that is why...

So yesterday we were pissed, today we're sad, so does that mean that tomorrow we'll be HAPPY <P>It's amazing how I can go days or weeks doing just fine then a word, a song, or a scent can just break down all the progress. Two steps forward, one back......

I know, Spencer actually told me that you called! I had popped down to my neighbor's, about as far as I go, except to work, where I have to go back to in an hour <P>I was just getting somewhere on a projects of mine, too!<P>My phone is still on, and I'll be home chillin' at midnight my time...still early for you...10:00. Call if you want to talk.<P>I will be sending some extra prayers for you tonight, hang in there! I've been having some bad moments, too, but they don't last as long, fortunately. Try to find some 'good news' today. God bless. -Mike

so does that mean that tomorrow we'll be HAPPY <P>yeap... <P>maybe we should just stop listending to the radio and wtching tv. we could read a book naw, i don't think that is a good idea either...<P>maybe we just need to keep on loving each other through this painful time in our lives... this too shall pass...<P>we do beleive that, don't we??? <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by idostylin:<BR><B>maybe we just need to keep on loving each other through this painful time in our lives... this too shall pass...<P>we do beleive that, don't we??? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That's all that we can do and that's why I'm here to share my joys and sorrows with my friends. Yes, time will heal all of our wounds but first we must stop picking at the scabs. I'm about 2 months post divorce and steadily I'm getting better. Sure, sometimes this dumb Kansan picks at that scap and ends up taking 3 steps back, but overall I'm improving.<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers from the golden fields<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

i have been trying to post a new post all day... it won't take. wanted to know how you were feeling today bill?<P>have been trying to tell mike i didn't call last night becasue i had some friends over. guy friends that my ex hates. he wants me to sit home alone all the time. i guess it makes him feel more secure NE way when friends left i went to bed. i was feeling kind of sick. i think my lunch and my stomach were in conflict yesterday. <P>i was really bad yesterday. ex tried to pull one of those, aloof, non-committed moves on me yesterday... he said, "MAYBE" "we'll do something tomorrow" I said, I have something to do tomorrow and MAYBE i'll call you when i'm done... ... he didn't like that. not one bit... gotcha... <P>he thinks he is just going to continue to keep me in limbo while he is living??? NOT??? <P>NE way, just checking in... hope you guys get this...

I was having a great day till I answered the phone. My van's being repo'd early next week so now I'm kind of down again. But other than that...............<P>I love that you gave him a taste of his own medicine..<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

would it be wrong of me to suggest that you hide your van??? okay, okay... i slipped back into my old ways for a second. <P>you already know that you are to "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding"... I have read a couple of suggestions that you call those creditors... i agree. i would like us to stand in agreement in prayer for favor for you... and make that call...<P>if that doesn't work...... just kidding... i just want you to smile. even if it's only half a smile.<P>love ya,<P>your sister in Christ...<P>Kim...

idostylin - My prayers are with you. I think we'll come out of this mess ok and enjoy the love we deserve. My .02.<P> Dan<P><BR>

i pray to God that it happens soon. i don't know how much more i can take... i am so sad... going into a long weekend loveless... i am tired of being alone...