Can you believe how psycho he is? He's the WS and this was his response to problems my 7 yo daughter is having with school and life in general. She is "scared mommy was going to lose her." Like her father did maybe??? He says they just need to move on with their lives and get over the fact that we are divorced. They are 7 and 4 years old!!!! <P>Is he for real? I told him to pacify himself with his lies, but noboby else believed that sh&^ and hung up on him! He's perfectly content to have his little visitation and not be bothered with the REAL parts of parenting. He tried to cover that up by saying that I needed to call him sometime instead of letting my daughters just talk to him. <P>How do you react to WS fathers who don't give a damn about anything but themselves when the going gets rough????

Hi lady,<P>He is unbelievable isn't he? I know your 7 yo sweetie pie will have trouble - my oldest had the most trouble too, tho not as bad as she is having but it's because they have all the memories to cope with. Little Punkin Head tho will have it a little easier I think - Ben doesn't even remember Dad even living with us and will argue the fact with me. He's even asked me before if Dad can sleep over while Dad was visiting - talk about embarrassing, well not the question but more the look of disgust on my face.<P>I always thought it was horrible that he didn't bother seeing his boys, but I also notice more problems after he does. When they have their regular lives without him, they are fine.<P>No answers but I'm sorry they have to have such a father. I'll be talking to you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Kathy

IMHO, the best reaction is no reaction at all.<P>The WSs (male or female) are out of their minds. They will take any reaction you give them and use it against you. YOU ARE SO EVIL TO BE RUINING THEIR FUN. ;-)<P>Selfishness, that's all it is. <P>What goes around, comes around.<P>Give it time. Fantasyland will soon change into Realityland.<P>My WS XW was just here to pick up our daughter and to see about arrangements for the weekend; XW's weekend with daughter, extended by holiday. She made a point in telling me she's going out of town to the country this weekend. Although out of town to let me know my daughter would not be in town is sufficient, she just had to say she was going to the country.<P>Two possibilities:<BR>1. Pumping herself up to (in her mind) keep Fantasyland open.<BR>2. A stab at me. (Like I'm just sitting around while she's off having fun, yeah right, if she only knew)<P>I think number 1 is appropriate, given other occurences. If it is number 2, then it just shows how evil WSs are and it's good to be rid of my XW. She is not the person I married right now.<P>The only thing I have to worry about is my relationship with my daughter and I believe it is wonderful. See one of my recent posts about a drawing my daughter did. My daughter even told me she cuddles more with me than mommy. (5 y.o. daughter)<P>In the end, the WSs behavior is entirely their responsibility. <P>I've learned one thing through all of this. If you are mad at someone and are stewing about it, the only person you are hurting is yourself. They are not around to face your wrath. Let it go and let yourself be happy.<P>It's okay to be happy. I'm giving you full permission to do so. ;-)<P>Kevin

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Trapped Mom:<BR><B>How do you react to WS fathers who don't give a damn about anything but themselves when the going gets rough????</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>My first response is with a "Bullet" but then the children would really be screwed.<P>I have 3 girls (11, 9, 6) and my x sounds a lot like yours. I talk with my girls heart to heart at length. I encourage them to talk with their mom about the issues. But basically I just support them emotionally for both of us. Sure it's not really fair or just but when the time comes these smart children will form there own opinions. In my case this is starting already. <P>Hugs, THoughts, & Prayers<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Thanx, Kathy! Now I plan to reply to you on your own thread, but wanted to say that I'm glad pilot man is still in the pix. <P>Can you believe a-hole's newest stunt. Sounds to me like he and Karen/whore have been having some deep conversations that probably went something like this...<P>"Oh, G, you are such a stud, even though you've now lost all of your hair - that just enhances your "father figure" image to me. Stay with me forever(or at least 'till I marry you, so I can break some more vows). Those girls will be okay, what matters is that we are together. What matters is our happiness.<P>Then G says, "You know you are right, they WILL get over it because I say they will get over it. The healing process has already begun. It's time to move on." <P>"Hey, I know what I'll do.... I'll take the girls to church as I continue to live in sin and pretend that I am some kind of role model.. Yea, that'll make ME feel better." <P>"Now, what was that Ashley was saying about the girls waking up sobbing every morning??? Oh well, I don't want to think about that, just too depressing. Back to la-la land"<P>IT MAKES ME SO SICK!!!! They are sick and selfish and it just makes my blood boil.

Father of 1 and Lost Husband:<P>Thanks for the replys. Hope I didn't offend by talking about WS dads - should have put "parents." Sorry! I tend to forget there are actually mothers who do this as well, because it's so far beyond the realm of possibility to me.<P>Anyway, it never ceases to amaze me that these WS's follow the SAME script and their "love" for their "soulmate" is so special.... Whatever! <P>I told a friend last night that I wondered how my girls would feel one day knowing that their father said that they just need to "get over" the divorce. That is the most ridiculous and COLD thing I've heard when talking about children! My girls love their dad so much - that's the saddest part of all to me, that he has made himself so much more important than they will ever be to him - at least while the ho is in the picture....<P>Thanks again and I hope things end up better for you both! I know that I am better off without him. But my girls will never be better off without their dad fulltime....

Please not all men are jerks, these guys that want no responsibility for there own kids amaze me, were do they come from. The good thing for you is kids learn to accept and move on quickly, but they will be bothered for life, just go on being the best mom you can be and let him pay the price. In the long run he will regret not being there for those girls, the day will come when they are to busy for him and it will be to late for him to go and get what he missed out on. My Exw was very close with grandkids , we had them several times a week, she left town with OM and see's them maybe a few hours every 2 months now, she says the only thing she gave up was me she still has the rest of family in her life HUH, if you call that being in your life then that is sad. Your hubby doesn't deserve you and kids some day he will regret his choices, when those kids are grown.<P>

TM,<P>Oh yes, the church stuff. The XW and OM go to church frequently. Vomit, vomit, vomit. My daughter even told me XW was TEACHING the First Graders. XW now wears a little cross around her neck.<P>Oh yes, church is a place for sinners. They have to have something to cover up the stench of their decisions.<P>The XW was spouting off that she provides for our daughter: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Whatever...<P>I have primary custody and I'm teaching morals. I stopped that lying stuff in it's tracks when she started it. She said she was just fooling me. (harmless fun she thought) Daughter is also saying yes/no ma'm/sir and corrects herself when she forgets. I teach that, of course. XW has called sometimes freaking out because she couldn't handle daughter wanting me to come pick her up. I just say to my XW that she is her mother and it is her time with our daughter. XW is totally unable to discipline daughter.<P>I know the truth, daughter knows the truth, and God (if there is one) knows the truth. That's all I need.<P>What goes around, comes around. Life goes on.<P><p>[This message has been edited by father of 1, husband of 0 (edited August 29, 2001).]

Jabber:<P>My last intention was to offend you. You have been quick to provide support a few times and I never really thanked you for it. So, thanks!!! I know that all men aren't jerks - just the one I happened to marry.. I guess I do have a bad taste in my mouth at this time about men. All men (well almost) on MB excluded, of course. <P>Your wife is missing out on the BEST part of motherhood IMO - being a grandmother is ALL the fun with none of the "headaches." You, on the other hand, are getting all the rewards of being a father! <P>You seem to have it all so together! I envy and admire that! Thanks again and PLEASE don't take my men bashing comments personally - they are only directed at the WS - I just tend to generalize.... Sorry. And you know what? Your wife doesn't deserve you either!<P>Father of 1:<P>I admire you for taking primary custody, for standing up for what is right. There seems to be something else that WS's have in common - expecting the BS to take on their responsibilities when they can't be there for the kids. Now I am as conservative as the best of them, but I would like to propose a new law.... Any parent that shirks their visitation should have to pay EXTRA in child support... <P>The church thing just makes me so sick. I think my WS now thinks the divorce is final and everything will be okay if he just goes to churches. I do believe in God and I believe that he forgives our sins, but only when one repents. By repenting, I mean admitting your sin and STOPPING that sin. There can be no redemption for WS's who just keep on keeping on IMHO.<P>As for teaching kids what is right and wrong, that is definitely up to the BS unless of course you believe in the principal "do as I say, not as I do" - then, the WS can teach that!!!! It's hard to be the only role model. I was talking with my daughter tonight and she said something along the lines of "but mommy I don't have anyone else to look up except you..." Pretty powerful, huh? <P>By the way, WS's guilt must have kicked in 'cause he went to OD's school to eat lunch with her today - wouldn't that be an easy way to ease your conscious? I'll just eat lunch with her and she can forget I've chosen myself over her!!!! <P>As for the what comes around, goes around, I am watching my father pay tenfold for his infidelity. He is literally dying of heartache AND cirrhosis of the liver, BUT my mother is not around to see because she died nine years ago..