All, was helping the wife setup the computer via the phone last night. Conversation was pleasant and nice. Didnt talk about us, just talked. I was nice. We both "slipped" as I said honey and she called me sweetie a couple of times. Is this just out of habit (we havent talked in a while) or maybe she is testing herself out. Perhaps I am reading to much into, but she was very nice yesterday (as opposed to the last week). I think that I am content to just "talk" to her. Maybe the relationship stuff should just be put on the back burner. She also seemed very thrilled that I was selling the home (may have buyer) and would be moving closer and into a big rental house. Most of the debt I have (which was significant, 16k) will be gone. This was the big reason for the breakup, our finances and how we lived. Should I see this as a plus for my marriage? We should be debt free in two months except for the car. This is a BIG problem for her, DEBT. Any ideas, Ladies?

Debt is a BIG load for some women to carry - if the guys take a more active part in budgeting and financial planning it really does help. It always amazes me that men feel their only responsibility in the family is to bring home a pay check. (This may not be YOU - but so far THAT has been my experience with men.) <P>Calling you sweetie - maybe habit (it has been for me) - or it could be that she's wanting to give you every opportunity to work at the marriage - and that kind of encouragement sometimes works. Keep calling her honey, speak softly, work with her, help her out if you can, spoil her a little, and keep the communications open.<P>Don't mean to rain on your parade - I hope this sounded encouraging...

During our one really good time together, I called him'love' a few times; it was a slip...he doesn't like to hear it any more. He called me 'love' once, but because of my own slips, I presumed it was one for him.<P>I was right...he backed right off on the next couple of visits. Is more cold than ever.<P>Be careful not to read too much into it...I got really hurt because I thought things might be changing....they weren't.<P>Sorry, I really rained on your parade.

Rob - dont read too much into the petnames but just take it for what it was - a nice time together.<P>My husband always watched the money, but we kept our money separate and were never accountable to one another for our spending. I wished always that we had our money together but he felt it was a very "princely" thing for him to pay all the bills (which was awesome for me) because I never had bills to pay other than mine. I always kept a new car, bought groceries, fun money, dry cleaning and then I bought clothes for us and furnished our house. It seemed to work pretty well until marriage problems began and he cut back hours at work to be home more and paycheck suffered and we were making the same amount of money - I think it hurt his pride and I never knew. He never told me and "suffered" in silence - he would never say to me that he was short or even tell me. It has caused a lot of problems, and I had no problem knowing that I owed credit cards - I was paying them but he was upset when I told him how much I owed. We realized that we have never been building a marriage but only a room-mate situation. Our divorce will be final on Oct 8 - the day before our eight year wedding anniversary.<P>It is important to know if the debt bothers her but more than that is the importance of how are each of you accountable so that if you do sale the house, pay off debt, and stay together that you dont wind up in the same situation in ten years? Make a plan and assure her....I wanted that with my husband - I offered to take money from my 401k to pay everything off but he didnt care. HE said he just didnt have any passion for marriage anymore and that is about it. Dont let it get out of hand.<P>Good luck!

I probably shouldnt read a whole lot into it, but she seemed like that woman who has loved me. Her father even said she loves me still, but is just uncertain of whether I have truly changed. I am just going to go with the flow, no pressure, no doormat, continue with my plans (our plans prior to June when she left) and let the chips fall where they may. The kids had indicated, without my prompting, a few weeks ago, that they might be coming back to school in my (our) area if mommy and daddy got back together before Christmas. I am really confused. I am sure she probably is as well. But I think with this debt issue resolved (I honestly dont think she believed that I would do what I said) and a new home on the horizon, perhaps she will have to reconsider life as a single mom. Heres to hoping!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RobC:<BR>I probably shouldnt read a whole lot into it, but she seemed like that woman who has loved me. ... I am just going to go with the flow, ... I am really confused. I am sure she probably is as well. But I think with this debt issue resolved (I honestly dont think she believed that I would do what I said) and a new home on the horizon, perhaps she will have to reconsider life as a single mom. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Beware of psychoanalysis- even people trained in it make mistakes. I think your "go with the flow" statement is good- for you and me both- because you can't really know what's going on in her head until she tells you. My wife and I still call each other "honey" - but she mentioned she doesn't like it when I've called her "sweetheart" (I used to call her "sweet thang" and "love slave," but I don't think I'll try either of those). What's the diff between "honey" and "sweetie?" Who knows? But to her, there is, and it's not worth it to ask a lot of questions right now.<P>If debt was a big problem, you've obviously made a big, demonstrable, tangible step in getting rid of it. Score one for you!<P>

Did she happen to be asking you for something at the time? Or changing something? etc.? Context is everything in my case. The opener is always dripping with honey, and then the venom comes....later. How's that for rain?<P>Yes, Rob...by all means take no meaning from it...in other words, it can <B>mean</B> most anything...it doesn't seem to affect your plan any, does it?<P>Where I come from, honey is pretty much a general endearment; not too personal, just friendly. Sweetie, on the other hand, implies a more exclusive, and personal relationship. -Mike

I wouldnt read anything into it. Doing so will only cause you more pain by building up false hopes. Truth is she may be setting you up for the sucker punch.