Well, what did I tell you guys? No tickets yet!!! He said he will organise it tomorrow...I said, don't worry, I will do it as you have been paid now, and the money is in the bank. He said "OOOHHHHHKKKKKAAAAAYYYYY!" in a subdued defeatewd kind of voice.<P>Hell's bells!!! He WANTS this...well he wants me to go so you think he'd have got there and done something about it. But I know why he didn't. Now it's going to look to the rest of the world that I left him, not the other way around, and I'm sorry, but before I go I am going to let a few choice people in our group know EXACTLY how he orchestrated this, and I don't care if that's a LB or not.<P>Sorry for venting, but he pushed my buttons with this...as he knew he would. Held me up too no doubt. But I will be down at the travel agent tomorrow at 9.45 booking tickets....maybe I'll get lucky.<P>Another button pushed today. He phoned about 6.45pm, just wanting to talk to the kids. After they were done, I asked him if he was coming around to discuss finances as he said on Sunday....<P>H: "No I didn't!!!" <P>Me: (but as sweet as pie). "Yes you did, you told me you would come after going to Mozambique" <P>H: "Well can we please make it tomorrow night? I'm tired." <P>Me: (Sweetly) "Yes that's fine. Will you be here for dinner? Because this talk isn't going to take five minutes."<P>H: "Yes but I don't think I'll be very hungry."<P>Me: "YOU won't be hungry!" LB, don't care<P>H: "Okay expect me for dinner."<P>Me: "Okay, bye." (Hung up first)<P>So, so annoyed with him now....just treats me with such a lack of respect it's disgusting that I put up with it.<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nina too:<BR>I said, don't worry, I will do it as you have been paid now, and the money is in the bank. He said "OOOHHHHHKKKKKAAAAAYYYYY!" in a subdued defeatewd kind of voice.<P>Hell's bells!!! He WANTS this...well he wants me to go so you think he'd have got there and done something about it. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, I'd say he still doesn't know what he wants- he doesn't seem to know himself well enough to know. But I'm glad you're taking charge of it- now it will get done, and you won't feel quite so victimized because you're taking positive steps instead of waiting on him. <P>You're sounding much healther angry than you did depressed. As ever, good luck. <BR>

Okay, but are we going to show him those jeans...? I think it would really mess him up to wear the new ones! (Of course, it's your call, I'm just saying...do what works.) I get cut off unceremoniously (sort of like when I was married by Juno, and the phone is runnin' on some kind of fumes today....odd.) So, tell me about your plans for this talk....-Mike

dabigtrain!!! Hi there!<P>Yes I am angry at being put in this unfortunate position. But now I have to do this for myself...I NEED to be away from him, and his bimbo barbie doll.<P>I am glad he didn't come tonight because I am dreading all the yuck talking that would have happened, while I feel so angry. But it gave me time to write a list of things we need to discuss, so maybe God put a little hitch in there for my benefit.<P>You know what I hate most about talking to him right now? His monotone, evenly kept at-all-times tone of voice. Keeping EVERY emotion out of it. This man was funny, he was warm, he was enthusiastic...I hate to hear this other him.<P>Well, thanks for saying he doesn't know what he wants, but I truly think he DOES want me out of his life, and the trauma is the kids for him. He said to me the other night, when I asked him if he truly wanted us to go "Leave the kids." I said "No way." Then he said "Well if we were in Australia we wouldn't have this problem, would we?" (meaning the split is causing him to lose the kids' time because he is here and I will be there....not the case if we were in the same country.) I have given up all hope that he has any feelings for me, and I am going to cope with that. My anger stems from what he did on Sunday...TO OUR KIDS.<P>Did I make any sense????

Yes, he is in the learned MLC from his FOO, no doubt about it. My X went crazy, and it was learned brom her mom, and I can't believe the change, completely like her mom with me, and like her dad with the kids, and neither is a very good combination, neither IL was very healthy.<P>so, this is a LOGICAL consequence of his actions, however, he is still in the midst of the addiction, and you need to be as nice as possible, and DON'T give him the PLAN B letter until you go. The problem with some WS is that the current BS does not act like the BS which we watched, and that throws them for a big loop. <P>this is a learned experience, and you aren't following the script, typical with ESFJs, they like their tradition, and they like to repeat it over and over again, expecting the same results.<P>so he is feeling very uncomfortable, and at some point after you leave, he will be home to Australia, primarily because he will miss the kids, and will finally realize what he is doing wrong. And as funny as it is, the more you are nicer to him, the worse he will feel, and it will confuse the grey matter completely!<P>keep up the nice stuff, and he will miss you within one month of your return to Oz.<P>good luck!<P>

OH, and NO, he does not want this, he just doesn't know how to act to stop the good feelings he has from not being a husband and a father in is addictive tendency behavior at the moment.<P>good luck again.<BR>

Hi Mike,<P>You know today when I thought he was coming, I was dreading it, and I knew I shoud go and do the whole Plan A make-up routine, but I just couldn't be bothered that much...<P>I did do a bit, a little make up, but my heart wasn't in it.<P>I said above there may have been a little Godly intervention, maybe my lack of enthusiasm was a sign that it wouldn't be worth it anyway co she wasn't coming.<P>Well plans for tomorrow night....given that eventually he WILL split from Barbie Doll, (cos she won't be able to survive in a place like Mozambique, where their idea of a hairdresser is a guy on the side of the road with hair-clippers - and besides, I've seen the b**** in full swing, and he will HATE that when he gets a dose) anyway given that a split will happen, and he MIGHT think he wants to reconcile, I suppose I have to give him the best last images of me that I can......so......<P>1. Since he's staying for dinner, it will be his favourite....Shepard's Pie, would you believe (well a roast is his BIG favourite, but I'm not going THAT far.<P>2. Gonna look good...okay, okay, enough about the jeans AND new top...I'll wear them already. Hair, face, smell all that.<P>3. Gonna see if he wants a glass of wine...he'll probably say no, but it might make things a little more relaxed.<P>4. By then I shoul have some fly out dates to tell him, I'm going to start with that.<P>5. I will give him a copy of my list of things we need to discuss, which includes finances, things I need to buy (we have furniture in storage, but no white goods as they were all sold, car etc, what I want to take from here, some legal things and family situational things. And I guess whether he intend to file soon...he will have to bring that up, I can't.<P>6. I'm going to subtly flirt with him all I can (BUT not sleep with him, it won't get that far anyway) and try not to LB. But this is going to be a tough talk, so I can see I will be teary and hopeless at times.<P>&. Try to remember those NLP thingys.<P>Want to add anything?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nina too:<BR>But this is going to be a tough talk, so I can see I will be teary and hopeless at times.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Don't assume that; don't let it be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Imagine yourself strong enough to talk about the practical details you have to without getting teary, and you'll probably be able to do it.<P>

No, not really...the thingys should just about do it. -Mike

Okay, no...of course I have something else.<P>Decide beforehand what this means to you. What each possible answer to each possible question means to you. Well, maybe don't go that far, you've got to sleep, after all! I guess you've already done that at this point, however!<P>Chant this mantra...<B>react later</B>, if you have to...you are right about the last image(s) thingy. I have one of my suspicions that this is the first in a series of 'last images'. BTW, loved your little story about OW in Mozambique, perhaps there's more? Don't be shy, tell me how you <B>really feel!</B><P>Juno is about to let me go, so...I hope to be able to hear this replay... -Mike

Wiffty, it's nice to hear from you again.<P>Your scenario is a nice one, but I just don't think it's going to happen. Apart from his other personality traits, he is STUBBORN. He has never had the ability to admit he could be wrong (a FOO learned behaviour from his dad). Some of my friends also say this will jolt him back into reality...there has been evidence of this since I first told him I was going back...but will it be enough. Is he feeling good when he's not with us...yes beyond a doubt. And so I know he thinks that makes it all okay.<P>I had some advice about the letters...I had already written a Plan A nice, remember when ltter for him. I didn't get the chance to give it to him, as I found out for sure about OW, and so now it just looks like manipulation. I asked do I still give it....the advice is yes, but wait until about a month after I go back to Oz, and then send the Plan B letter about a month after that.<P>dabigtrain...Oh YES it will be hard to be nice tonight...I am so angry that it has come to this....but I'm going to try my hardest not to LB, and just stick to the agenda. I am trying to visualise a perfectly in control Jacky, biting my tongue and not crying....I know this will be the best way to be. He'll probably be blown away when he realises I DID buy the tickets today....I know he thought I just wouldn't be able to do it. I'm leaving them on the bench right near the door, so he'll see them as soon as he comes in. <P>Mike, well yes he won't be able to see us after next Thursday...that's when we go. So, it is one of the final image times.<P>I have thought about his possible reactions to some things on my list...very hard to determine as he has such a wall up. But I will be calm, I will be calm I WILL BE CALM, <B>I WILL BE CALM!!!!</B>