I have not posted here for some time. My ex left 2 1/2 yrs ago, he left OW a couple of times to come back home, but the marriage ended in divorce and he married her within a 6 weeks. Throughout this ordeal I followed guidelines from Dr Harley's Book , one thing was no direct contact I had a mediator for sometime, and he drove her crazy calling and having her deliver this message or that. I finally established after the divorce to communicate only thru written letters , thus eliminating personal contact. Over the last year since they married he frequently would not put up the kids until 10 on Saturday of his weekends I work and this is a big problem due to sitter, so I wrote and explained they had to be picked up by 8 or 8:30 for the weekend, he was mad, frequently late. He cancels visitation alot or wishes frequently to switch days. Unless my work prohibits it I usually oblige. He was court ordered to pay some bills we had and he didn't. I did write and tell them they were his obligation and please make payment arrangements with the companies since creditors were calling me. He was hospitalized two to three times over the last year. Calling to make sure "the kids ",5,6,and 11 knew his diagnosis and what room he was in. Not that he was sick , but in detail with the kids his diagnosis. Any way, I have made no attempt to contact him other than written communication concerning the kids or once for those bills. Today, I find a newspaper article with what I believe to be his wife's handwriting on a post it note (sure looks like what i remember seeing on his love cards) With my name , stating READ CAREFULLY: IT IS LONG PAST TIME TO LET GO! In highlighted areas were remarks about not trying to control someones life by strict demands , due to hurt feelings and grudges, give up the desire to strike back, because of anger and aggravation, selfrightousness prohibits letting bygones be bygones. I guess I am dumbfounded. I don't know what I have done to indicate I am holding a grudge. I have distance my self from the situation and am moving on in my life. I however am still the mother of these children and they deserve respect , knowing when their dad will pick them up and knowing even though he has changed residences he is still their dad. Why, would she put this there??? Why now they have been married for a year. Any ideas?

Here's one....she feels threatened!

She sounds like a very insecure person - that isn't YOUR fault. It's her feelings and you are not responsible for those feelings.<P>Don't let her make you question your motives. It is really interesting that she would send you something like this. It really is HER problem. She's lacking control and feeling insecure - let her deal with it.<P>Jan

CBS,<P>Sorry to hear that the anonymous note got to you. Who ever left that only did so out of cowardice and cruelty. It was someone trying to speak his or her point of view to you, only without the decency to admit that he or she wanted you to be aware of it.<P>It is possible that the new squeeze did it. Second wives are famous for pressuring husbands to neglect their responsibilities to children of previous marriages. Many new wives don't want to be saddled with someone else's kids.<P>In my business, we get anonymous complaint letters all the time. We have to investigate them and they always turn out to be 99.44% crap. I've developed a unique method for handling anonymous notes. I ignor them. <P>Now that you ex has chosen to leave the marriage, you don't have much choice but to do the best you can for yourself and for your children. You have no duty at all to the new squeeze.<P>We all know that common courtesy makes difficult situations a lot easier manage. It might be time for both you and your ex to think about establishing a "business friendly" relationship for the sake of raising and educating the children you brought into this world together. Spouses come and go, kids are forever.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

Hi cbs:<P>I would tend to ignore this as well. Continue to try to get your ex to set up a regular schedule for visitations, but other than that, there's not much more you should be doing.

thank you all very much for responding so quickly. I have tried to not let it bother me. Self evaluating...see why I still do avoid personal contact with him, and today I have to admit, it still is to protect myself, the much easier route, it IS NOT to control him . And then thinking of her putting that there I thought....well, she must think about me....lol more than I thought she did. I really think that with God's help and Dr Harley's book I forgave a long time ago , not that I understand,and probably never will, but it is today and he is gone. The kids and I survived despite what we thought at the time. The sun comes up and the days go on, we laugh weplay,we love, what a loss he suffered...