<BR> Sorry, I have to vent a little. OK - this hell has to stop soon. OM takes my kids to the shore, is out on a date w my wife as I write this, and my 3 year old son says he likes P*** because he " gives me rides and kisses." My 7 year old is a little more cautious, but she likes him too. My plan a cannot compete ( demonstrate change? For what? I was giving and loving before this mess. ) My wife left our marriage to be with this guy, and she sent me an e-mail with this link <BR> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.justsaywow.com/newfun4/importantlife.cfm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.justsaywow.com/newfun4/importantlife.cfm</A> <P> This cannot be real! I need plan b for me. I keep trying, and the hammer doesn't seem to stop.<BR> <BR> What is a killer is that she is nice, even loving sometimes to me. "Can't it just be what it is" she says about us. Oh, yeah, she say's they're just friends.<BR> <BR> I've been feeling much stronger, but keep getting kicked.I feel like my family has left me for him. How can you fight this? Can you fight this? <BR> <BR>

Hey ya hun,<BR>Don't think of it like they left you for him. Your children will always be your children. In the long run they will be by your side.. Your wife well I don't think she deserves you. But your children will always need you. Just be there for them. The love will shine thru in their eyes..<BR>My ex's gf loves to do things with our son that I can not do since it cost $$$$ which she has... He comes home and loves her and wants to go there all the time so she can buy him something. When it comes down to him getting hurt or being upset he wants mom... and that to me is worth more thatn anything.. <P>Hang in there kiddo.<BR>Plan B is good...<BR>We are all here for you. I know it hurts like crazy.<P>Wishing you well<BR>Janet

Thank you Janet!! I needed a lift, thanks. And you KNOW you deserve better also. Man can we pick 'em!<P> {{{{ Janet }}}}<P> <BR>

you will always be the father of your children, and he will never compete with that be the best father you can be, You wife doesn't deserve you. In time she will see the grass isn't greener unfortunatly it might be to late for her. You will be the better and stronger person as you work through this mess, she is still in the fog and it will be painful for her when A ends and it will end. my ExW has been with OM for 7months and I am hereing now that things aren't going good for them and she has regrets. they still are trying to prove they did the right thing and no matter how miserable she might be she is going to make sure I know how happy and how good things are for her. My EXW just set out to punish me, the thing is I feel she only hurt herself and I think you have same thing here, she is being hurt more than you in long run, so hang in there and take care of yourself<P>

jabber - thanks for your support. I admire your ability to survive 7 mos. in a ridiculous situation. You are right, WS do not deserve either of us. It's such a d*** shame. My w said to me recently " You just don't want me to have any fun." I think that about sums up their position.<P> I hope you are doing ok.<P> Dan

i know how it feels to be discouraged... believe me...<BR>but like everybody above said, you kids will always be your kids... love them and don't alienate (did i spell that right)yourself from them... don't let any other (you know) be a stronger influence in your children's life...<P>my kids are the best part of this whole thing... they keep me alive...

Some of the things she has said to you sound too....familiar. I am sorry she is being very selfish and trying to mess with you so that she can defend her actions that I am so sure deep down inside she knows are wrong.<P>Your kids are resilent like all of them are. They will NEVER leave you, you are their dad and always will be no matter what. I am sure they are having a rough time of it too. And sometimes they get so caught up in all of the competition. i do agree with the above posts especially with the gifts and stuff....when they need comfort and all they will not be looking at him they will be looking at YOU!<P>Take care and God Bless<P>K

Keep that link..so one day when she comes from the high of the new relationship...send it back to her...<P>although it has many truths to it..maybe try and read it <BR>differently than as she was sending it to you as something<BR>to hurt you over what she's doing...and that she's all happy..and your not..read it and look at it as to what you <BR>can learn about this life lesson..and grow from it..become<BR>a better person for having been through this...<P>.

Thank you all. I couldn't have made it to this point without this forum. Ironically, i believe there are many truths in the link; it's the spirit in which it was sent ( and the "position" of the sender) that gave me pause. <P> I think when you're hoping for some sort of reconciliation you are still reactive. I think when you can successfully shift your focus completely, when you take away their power over you, then these things don't have the impact they might otherwise ( I hope).<P> Thank you all, God bless us all!

Hey you Dan sorry haven't posted but I got cought up on it today...<BR>How are you doing.. You know I was rereading the post and I had the same thing happen to me this past week....<BR>But you are right boy do we know how to pick them....LOL<P>Please read on the post I made earlier.........<BR>Well all I don't think my week can get any worse.. Wait yes it can this is me we are talking about!!!!!!!!!!<BR>For starters ex had son was only supposed to be for 1 night, well it has turned into 4 nights and this is the longest I have ever been away from him... He has not let me talk to him on the phone, when I do call he never picks up and I talk to an answer machine.. NEVER returns my phone calls..<P>I just don't want our son to think I don't love him or that I just ditched him.....(kinda hope he misses me just as much, and constantly asking his dad "where is mommy".<BR>I know that is mean.. I just miss the crap out of him..<P>When I was supposed to get him I drove up right after work and ex answered the door and said he was keeping him one more night and that he was not even there for me to say hi to.. (that hurt)<P>(suffering from lack of sleep right now)<P>I got a flat tire.... **that was not even the bad part**<BR>I was kinda driving without a current registation and well the nice police officer was gonna help but couldn't so he put his car behind mine so that noone would hit me.. And ran my plate.. Well to make a long story short....<BR>My car was towed and I had a flat.. He took my plate.. Spent money I really did not have to get my car back...<P>The main thing is I miss my son..... It is driving me crazy and ex knows this... I have to not let it bother me in front him so that he doesn't know he is getting to me...<BR>I know this. WHY CAN'T I DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Well any way there is my vent and I still don't feel better..<P>WHY????<P>Anyway I need a vacation..LOL<P>Wishing us well<BR>Janet<BR>