I don't really have anything to add except my H still has not let me know about plans for weekend. He says whether he works tonight or not, he will come by in the morning. <P>My H is definately a fence rider, wants to keep OW and string me along too. When is enough enough? For me it is really soon. <P>I must stand up for myself regardless of the consequences. I hope someone out there will understand why I'm temporarily giving up on plan A. <P>L

You go girl....I am doing the same thing. But take care, it is so painful. <P>You know if I were you, if he came tomorrow and asked you to go camping at the last minute (bet that's a button push!), I would tell him that I have made other plans, since I presumed the trip was off, cos I hadn't heard anything.<P>It will let him know you aren't just waiting around for him.<P>And don't just tell him that, do it! Arrange to go to movies and lunch with a friend, or take a drive into the country or something...have a plan to tell him.<P>Just some friendly advice from one who got sick of waiting there all the time.<P>Jacky<P>

Hey Jacky,<P>I have been following your story and the pain and stress you are under. Being in control and finally being able to say what I mean and mean what I say has helped me deal with this. Also, the loving and caring responses that you received from the fellow MB people here. Reading your threads was like reading my journal. I'm sorry for your pain but I think you are doing the right thing too. We must be alot alike.<P>I almost envy your ability to go back to your family to really do a solid plan b. <P>I'll write more later. Lots of people coming in my office today.<P>Lynn<P>

Sorry about that. I'm not supposed to do personal stuff at work on the net but since I'm systems administrator, I tend to abuse my power.<BR> <P>What I mean by being envious was the space between you and your H that your move will create. Nothing about this will be easy and I didn't mean to imply that it would be. I just had to finish my thought too quick because people were standing in my office.<P>I'm having a hard time with the plan b concept because I see my H at ballgames, when he takes kids to school etc. If I do plan B I have to avoid him completely and that will not be easy when he comes by. He doesn't call anymore so at least that's one thing I won't have to give up. He still thinks he can come and go as he pleases. I suppose I'll have the locks changed but I'm so afraid of doing things that look hateful or vindictive. I don't want to LB but I can't continue to validate his indecision. <P>He wants to be a pretend family when he is around me and kids so "he can see how it feels". Yuk! That's not reality. What he is asking me to do is be his wife when he wants one and be the mother to his children all the time so he doesn't have to sacrifice any of his time to do the boring mundane stuff like laundry & yardwork.<P>Yes, I'm furious today. This weekend is a perfect opportunity to spend some good time together but he can't get away from OW for long enough to **it much less, find out if he still has feelings for me. All I wanted was a chance to show him our life didn't have to be the way it was. If we both educated ourselves on what each others needs were and which LB's really bug us the most, our marriage could be great. We are already best friends, are very sexually compatible and have 2 beautiful children together. That seems like a pretty good starting place to me.<P>He loves me. I know he does. He knows he does. He is just scared. Well, hell I'm scared too but at least I'm not chicken. I don't let my fear of the future keep me locked away from the world. I get so upset when I think that for 7 months now he has not given me a straight answer about anything. The "I don't know's" and "Yeah, I see what you're saying" is getting old fast. I'm sick of it. <P>Well, have I **tched enough or what.... Whew, I'm going to the lake for a night then I'll hit the landscaping project again. Since I'm probably putting house up for sale by end of the year, there is alot to be done.<P>Good luck with your H and PACK, PACK, PACK......<P>I know how hard it is to get motivated to do something you absolutely don't want to do. Last weekend I had a small project to finish up for work which I brought home with me. It wasn't even a huge job like you are facing but I couldn't make myself do it. I finally started it around midnight Sunday night. I promise I understand what you mean by needing a size 9 kick in the pants. I'm the same way.<P>Lynn<P>

((((((((((((((((((Lynn))))))))))))))<P>You know what, you are lucky. You know your h still loves you. And you say you are best friends. My h has told me he doesn't love me, never did like I loved him, and best friends? Forget it. He says I'm not much fun. And he clearly doesn't want to pretend being families Your h is opening to you about some things, the wall isn't as high as my h's. I see a lot of hope in your situation.<P>I hope your weekend turns out for the best, and you can be content with whatever happens. <P>I just cut a whole lot of stuff from this reply, gonna post it on its own...it was a vent.<P>

man...<P>just the title of your post hit home for me... when i wrote yesterday i wrote that your situation reminds me a little bit of mine. <P>i was blatent and straight forward with my ex last night. "am i your girl or not, are we working on being together or not!!!" i still got no answer...<P>i told him, "its like God wants, either be hot or cold!!" but he just refuses to give me an answer... i want so badly to be strong enough to just turn away, but i still love him... but my love is constantly putting in the position to be emotionally abused... oh boy do i need help...

My wife left home and moved across country 7 weeks ago. So far all she has said about our relationship is 'I don't know'. But I am trying not to apply any pressure I am afraid if I push her off the fence she will land on the <BR>far side.