Well today my ex pickes our son up. And of course our son did not want to leave me... (which is usally)<BR>Well anyway 6 hours later he calls and said come pick him up I can not deal with him... I asked what happened he said nothing just come and get him... He said he tried to go to work and our son had a fit.. I said well of course he did, he is not with me and you were not gonna be with him. He wants to spend time with you and everytime you have him he is with someone other than you..<BR>He had the nerve to state that he wants to have a life too..<BR>He gets him maybe 2 days a week.. But it was ok when his brother came from New York. The ex had to paint a nice family picture for him.. I didn't get our son back until after 4 days.. I couldn't talk to him or anything.. it was only supposed to be for 1 night and it turned into 4....<BR>But today he said my son was rude and would not listen...<BR>Yes our son is not perfect but he is his father and should deal with it just like I have to...<BR>When he is with me he wants dad.<BR>When he is with dad he wants me...<P>Our son is 4 I don't know what to do to make this better for him..<P>Input will be helpful<BR>Janet

My children were 4 and 2 when their dad left. And it was very hard for them. I can understand how you feel.<P>Would it help if you child took a toy with him when he left? I know father should have some at his place. But something to carry as a transitional aid? <P>father should know that his time with child, especially early on, needs to be devoted to the child. Not to going to work unless they will be in there for only a few minutes.<P>The child is, I would imagine, very angry and confused. There are some good books on divorce. One that was recommended to me was "Dinosaur Divorce" which is by, I think, Marc Brown who does Author (the aardvark). Ask the children's librarian at your local public library. And a counselor for the child might one day be in order. I feel it's better to spend the money before problems get really huge and out of control. Counselor can help the child identify their feelings and understand that this is not the child's fault.

Hi Janet,<P>I was wondering if you got your son back!!! Glad to hear you did.<P>My three kids have all very different reactions to time spent with their dad. *yr old is sullen and angry, middle child is just ecstatic until he has to go, and almost 4 is just getting the idea about all this after 8 weeks, and is getting difficult just like your son. Doesn't want to go with dad, when he drops off she wants to go with him. This has only happened the last couple of times, and I have just reassured her a lot that I will be here when she gets back, and when he goes, that he will see them again soon. Of course when we go to Oz,he won't be seeing him, and I think I am going to have problems.<P>So I don't really have advice for you, though the toy idea from Cinderella is a good one. My kids take toys in the car wherever we go; it might be a security thing for them too.<P>Keep well.<P>Jacky

Well Nina,<BR>I did get Chantz back.. After alot of tears.. A very close friend told me not to let ex see it b/c he feeds off of it..<P><BR>Well anyway yesterday (sat) I was at the apt. building we own together.. Painting and cleaning and he picked him up from there. Well of course Chantz did not want to go. He cried all the way up the alley.. (broke my heart)<BR>Ex called at 8 pm said I have to pick this damn kid up he couldn't handle him any more. He took him to work and Chantz did not like that. I told him that he just wants to spend time with him.... I asked why is today so different from last week you had him 4 days and didn't even let me talk to him. Now you don't want nothing to do with him. <BR>So anyway I found out that the g/f was not home and niether was his mom to watch him.. so anyway he just don't think about things he should be doing.. I did ask him for his g/f phone no. cause he has been staying there.. He said no the g/f won't let him.. I told him if our son is staying there well then I need to have it.... I have every right to have phone contact with him when he is not with me... <BR>So anyway I wish I could count on him when he has him so that maybe just maybe I could start having a life of my own..<BR>Don't get me wrong I do anything for our son but, I need to reclaim myself.. A dear friend was helping me do that at one time. But he is now preoccupied.. So I'm starting back at square one again..<BR>Story of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Wishing everyone well<BR>Janet