A few days ago my wife told me that she is thinking about ending our three year marriage. We started talking about it and she told me that she thinks I'm a great husband and she does love me. But she is unhappy. Since then, I've found a few reasons why our marriage had gotten to this point. First, we have moved around almost yearly for the past 3 years. We just build and moved into this house (so we are sticking around here for a while). Because of all of the movement, we haven't really made friends anywhere. Both of us consider our closes friends the people we went to college with. I think since we have finally decided to settle here, this will change. Another problem I've identified is that we don't do anything together. We go out to eat and to movies, but that about it. I just recently realized this and I'm starting to make plans and activities for us to do. These first two problems are fixable and I think I'm on the right track. The last problem is the hard one. My wife grew up on a very dysfunctional alcoholic family. She has been dealing with depression for a few months and is now on anti-depressents and seeing a therpist. She believes the problem is that since she grew up in a family that is in such disarray, that she expects our marriage to be in the same shape, which it isn't. We don't yell at each other or fight. In fact, since she told me of her feelings about us, we've have a pretty good week.<P>What else should I be doing or looking for? I am attempting to find marriage counseling. What should I look for in a counselor?<P>thanks for listening (reading)<P>------------------<BR>

It seems you are on a positive track and taking all the right steps to fix things, be patient do the work and make it last keep doing the work and maintaining the marriage. Good luck, I think you will suceed here.<P>

Thanks for the reply. I'm really looking for some advice on finding a good marriage counselor. Anybody?<P>Thanks

Burns your best bet is by word of mouth for a counsler...<P>And most important work on yourself and your marriage and your wife will see this.. You can not change her or want to.. Do what you can and hopefully everything will fall into place for you.. I wish you all the luck.... <BR>It would be nice to see someone save their marriage..<P>Wishing you well<BR>Janet

I think besides going to a counselor, you both should make an appointment to see your priest who married you. He will give you guidance, spiritually. Reminding both of you that marriage is hard work and not to give up when problems arise. Don't give up.