Someone, please tell me if there's any hope. I was with ** for 5 years. 4 years we lived together, had troubles such as not paying enough attention with one another, cooking, and cleaning. The paying attention came along when I started going to school to get my masters degree which took 3 years. So, in 2000, we still got married. Things went downhill, she quit her job in Nov. telling me she wanted to be a housewife. I said ok. Me, working from 7:30 am until 8:30 at night. I would come home and she was never at home. She was at her moms or her sisters. I told her many times that this was creating a problem. I needed help with things. So, she took a baby sitting job from 7:30 to 3:30. The problem is when I got home at times like 5:00, she wouldn't come home till 6:00. I got fed up and told her this June we needed to seperate to see if spending time apart would help us. She even went to our priest to tell him our troubles. So, She moved out on our anniversary date. She seemed happy. She never called me. I got discouraged and filed for divorce. Then, after I called to tell her I filed for divorce and I made a mistake in doing so. And, not to sign the papers. She told me we could goto counseling. I finally agreed. One day later, she told me , I dont know what I want and I think its nice your going to go. I haven't heard from her in 4 weeks. I have been in counseling for 4 weeks. Three days ago, one of our mutal friends said she hated me and my family and she was never coming back. I am so confused. One moment she wants counseling, the next, nothing. Anyways, I have been talking with my priest that married us during this time. He wrote her to call him and she never responded. I feel so abandoned and sad...In my heart she left long ago before we even seperated. But why play games and desecret(?) marriage vows and give up and move on so quick?<P>st

Well st,<BR>It sounds to me that the two of you are confused...<BR>But just one question if you guys were not happy before you got married then why marry? Also something made you get married you saw something there! Like I tell everyone you can not change her you can only work on your self.... Happiness comes from within.. You need to look inside yourself and find what is it that you want the end result to be in all of this... Your marriage, closure, move on etc...<BR>If I could be of any assist we are all here<BR>Wishing you well <BR>Janet

<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JJ71197:<BR><B>Well st,<BR>It sounds to me that the two of you are confused...<BR>But just one question if you guys were not happy before you got married then why marry? Also something made you get married you saw something there! Like I tell everyone you can not change her you can only work on your self.... Happiness comes from within.. You need to look inside yourself and find what is it that you want the end result to be in all of this... Your marriage, closure, move on etc...<BR>If I could be of any assist we are all here<BR>Wishing you well <BR>Janet</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for responding. I married her because I love her and knew that every couple has difficulties. I thought we could over come the hard times after marrying. I told her many times that things were going to change when I would finish my master's degree. I would be home to spend more time with her. It makes me very sad that she gave up just when things would've gotten better. I beleive if she went to counseling with me, things would work. In our vows, we both said, through better or for worse. Marriage, to me, is working together through problems, not giving up when things don't do ones way. I feel very sad that she won't even call the priest after he asked her to call him. How could she move on so quick? It has been since Aug. 13th that she said she was coming back to pick up her things, As of today, no call, and her stuff is still here..She left her wedding dress, the photos, clothes, her dresser, etc. I don't understand her reasoning, or probably she moved onto someone else......frown

Well I hate to say but, maybe she has moved on. If that is the case then maybe you should confront her on that.. Some type of reasoning would be better than none.. I honestly do not know what to say..<BR>Wishing you well <P>Janet

Hi,<P>Well I haven't been here as long as some, but I can see that your wife is in a fog. She has put up a wall between you and herself. <P>So, it is necessary to ask; do you think there is a possibility of an affair? We all don't think our spouses could do that to us, but time and again I read here that they leave and some time later, you find out about the OW/M. It happened to me, though I did suspect something before he left.<P>It is one of the more common reasons why a man leaves, I don't know about ststistics for women. But it is worth some thought, because if that is what you are up against, it calls for a Plan A approach.<P>I wish you well.

stxinpa9,<P> For starters you sound quite young. It almost seems like she wasn't ready to be a wife. You also it seems to me wanted a June Cleaver wife. Somebody who would be there for you with open arms when you came home at night. This is a new centurey and women like that just don't exist anymore. <BR>When you got home was the house clean? Was laundry done ect? Maybe she was just plain bored with being home. So, you got home at 5:00 and she got home at 6:00 doesn't sound like a major crime to me. <BR> I'm not trying to come down on you but it seems to me that you may be a little controling. She on the otherhand seems to me to be a person who doesn't want to compromise. <BR> I think that maybe you need to give this some time. She is probably still really hurting and that is why she is saying those things.<P>Jill

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jillybean36:<BR><B>stxinpa9,<P>I appreciate everyones advice. Thank you. Well, my life has taken another blow. A mutal friend of ours told one of my family members that she hates all of them and especially me. I can't understand how she has become angrier over the past 4 weeks? 4 Weeks ago she said she needed time? Also, to add to my original message. My wife wanted to quit her job in Nov. She said she wanted to be a housewife. I said ok. The reason I was unhappy was because I was working fulltime, plus an extra job on the side to pay for her care payment, and then goto night school. I didn't want a slave, I wanted support and help. I asked her many times...I am so sad because here I am a 30 yr old man. I want to have kids, I want a family so bad! I worked so hard to make our life better.......<P> For starters you sound quite young. It almost seems like she wasn't ready to be a wife. You also it seems to me wanted a June Cleaver wife. Somebody who would be there for you with open arms when you came home at night. This is a new centurey and women like that just don't exist anymore. <BR>When you got home was the house clean? Was laundry done ect? Maybe she was just plain bored with being home. So, you got home at 5:00 and she got home at 6:00 doesn't sound like a major crime to me. <BR> I'm not trying to come down on you but it seems to me that you may be a little controling. She on the otherhand seems to me to be a person who doesn't want to compromise. <BR> I think that maybe you need to give this some time. She is probably still really hurting and that is why she is saying those things.<P>Jill</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I appreciate everyones advice. Thank you. Well, my life has taken another blow. A mutal friend of ours told one of my family members that she hates all of them and especially me. I can't understand how she has become angrier over the past 4 weeks? 4 Weeks ago she said she needed time? Also, to add to my original message. My wife wanted to quit her job in Nov. She said she wanted to be a housewife. I said ok. The reason I was unhappy was because I was working fulltime, plus an extra job on the side to pay for her care payment, and then goto night school. I didn't want a slave, I wanted support and help. I asked her many times...I am so sad because here I am a 30 yr old man. I want to have kids, I want a family so bad! I worked so hard to make our life better.......

I'm glad you cleared some things up for me. I guess I would be a little irritated to if I was doing all of that with no help. Did she give you some of the babysitting money she received? I wouldn't give up just yet but if you are to have any chance together you had better get alot of things worked out. It seems to me that all of this backlash from her is probably alot of hurt feelings right now. <P>Jill

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jillybean36:<BR><B>I'm glad you cleared some things up for me. I guess I would be a little irritated to if I was doing all of that with no help. Did she give you some of the babysitting money she received? I wouldn't give up just yet but if you are to have any chance together you had better get alot of things worked out. It seems to me that all of this backlash from her is probably alot of hurt feelings right now. <P>Jill</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Once again, thanks to all. Also, Jill, thank you for responding so much. As for the question of babysitting money, the answer is no. I was very exhausted during Nov. through May. I just wanted help from her. I pleaded and begged. She said the reason she didn't help was because I wasn't paying enough attention to her. I agreee with her, but I had no choice to do all the work, my taeching job -7:30 to 3:30, tutoring from 3:30 to 4:15 to make money to pay her car payment, then going to nightschool from 4:30 to 8:30. I finished my masters, told her I wasn't going to tutor anymore, and I will have all the time in the world to spend with her. I regret getting my masters, but I had no choice because of my job. During this time, we spent weekends going to dinner, shopping, watching movies, etc. As of now, I pray every second and get more down. But, I am making some progress with myself. Also, she told our mutal friend that she is never coming back. I feel so abandoned, but I keep praying as my preist has told me to do. I feel deep inside that she is gone, frown. But, I am sad because she was always pushing me to goto counseling when we seperated, but two weeks after I agreed, she said she doesn't know what she wants and that counseling would me ..........frown.......

That is really tough. I know you were just doing what you thought was best. I don't think she was really ready for marriage. Marriage is all about sacrifice and it seems to me the more you talk that she really wasn't ready to sacrifice anything for the relationship. Instead of being proud of you she was jealouse of all the time spent away from her. I don't mean to sound harsh but I think she has alot of growing up to do. <P>I know this is really hard.I was married for 17 years and it's hard to let go. I'm not saying to give up but don't compromise your goals just to please her. That in the long run will make no one happy. <P>You can't force her to want to come back but you can try to at least write to her and tell her how you are feeling. <P>Maybe she doesn't think you really care either. Maybe she is telling people those things to get a reaction out of you. <P>Jill

stxinpa9,<P>Just because your wife says she hates you and never wants to see you again doesn't mean it's true - or that it won't change. My W said those things too - and we seem to be moving closer together - tho we still have BIG problems (mostly her OM).<P>Find out what she's up to - if your mutual friend is telling you what she is saying, maybe the friend can tell you what she is doing - and can pass messages the other way too.<P>As one poster said, your W may be having an affair. Sorry, but all that time she had alone - she must have filled with something more than her sister. Does her family talk to you? Can you ask her Mom and/or Sister?<P>-AD

Thanks to all of you. Well my counselor told me not to write or speak to her because she knows how I feel. I asked her to goto counseling almost a month ago. No response. I just feel so sad how someone can walk away and shut the door and not look back. As mentioned before, her stuff is still sitting here (since July 15th) when she started moving out. It makes me sad. Also, she was always the one who believed in not divorcing, affairs, etc, but she is the one running away...frown