Hi,<P>Yesterday I went on my second date with this guy I have been talking to. I do really like him. He is very kind, great to his kids, nice looking loves the country. He's a trucker so he likes that I am very independant. All in all he is one terrific guy. My problem is I feel no chemistry with him at all. We have alot in common and even though he lives two hours away we still find things talk about.<P>I don't know if it's him or is it my being scared to death of getting hurt again. I don't handle rejection well and don't really want to go through that again. I also know I can't live like a turtle with my head in my shell the rest of my life either. <P>He also is almost the opposite of my Ex. My Ex is tall dark and very handsome. This guy all though very nice looking is blonde and balding. Personality wise this guy is also the opposite. This guy thinks of others before himself which certainly never was my EX. Maybe I'm just not used to that type of personality. I guess I have always been attracted to wilder men. .<P>If I feel this way should I just stop it now before we get to involved? Or should I wait it out and see what happens. <BR>It's been 18 years since I have dated and frankly I just at a loss. <P>Jill

Give this sometime, give him a chance you have nothing to loose and it will be a learning experience for you, it will help you figure out what you want and expect and why be alone if you enjoy his company, if nothing else maybe you get to be good friends.<P>

Hi Jill,<P>"Chemistry" is very important. If you don't feel it, then maybe this isn't the guy for you. I don't think you can build that feeling if it doesn't exist. It's either there,or it isn't.<P>I personally have met someone recently, and the chemistry is definitely there for me. If I hadn't felt it, we would not still be seeing one another. I don't think it would be wise to lead a guy on in hopes that the thunder bolt will hit you eventually. <P>You mention being attracted to "wilder" men. I think many women find the "bad boy" thing attractive. Unfortunatley, the bad boy aura is usually surrounding a <B>BAD</B> <I>boy</I>. Just something to consider.<P>Take care...<P>nick<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

I haven't heard from him yet today so maybe he is feeling the same way I am. I'm kind of scared to call him. I think it's that rejection thing again. It was sure easier when I was a teenager! If only we could turn back the clock. <P>JIll

jilly,<P>Are you <B>really</B> all that much at loss? It is really delightful to finally hear a woman admit that she is attracted to wilder men. Truely there is hope for mankind.<P>Many women are attracted to dangerous men. When I was in the nightclub scene, (namely the FOP hall) the women never ceased to amaze me. Any woman in that place would walk right past forty decent guys to find the cruelest, most selfish user and abuser in the place. He would usually be a guy who has learned what women want to hear, and he tells her that. Three months later, she's gotten pregant, he's thumped her up, she has a protection from abuse order, and she is on the phone to the police. Then she wants us to get him out of her house. Frequently, she will get rid of one abusive man only to find another abusive man. I suppose that is the main reason I gave up the bar scene as a place to meet women.<P>The mating game has always been one where nice guys finish last. I really admire your honesty in admitting you are attracted to the wilder ones. My ex wife was always attracted to the wilder guys. In particular, married wild guys. Last January she was on her third affair with a married man with a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he died. <P>Many of these women seem to think that when they find the dangerous man of their dreams, he will change for them. In fact, it is highly unlikely that any will ever domesticate him. And I don't think they made an exception in your case. <P>Enjoy your dates for what they are. They are dates, not lifetime committments. The whole idea is to get to know each other to find out if two people are compatable. Try dating someone, see if it looks like it will work. If it doesn't, you are free to try someone else. <P>When you are sure it really isn't working for you, you have a responisbility both to yourself and to this decent guy to put an end to it before either of you has too much invested in the relationship.<P>Final question: Have I said anything here you didn't already know? There is a reason why you feel at a loss. You are going to have to take a real hard look at yourself and do some serious soul searching to find that out.<P>"And this above all, to thine own self be true, for it must then follow, as night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Polonius' advice to Laertes, William Shakespeare.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper <P>

Bumper,<P>Sometimes I think we women have read to many romance novels. I myself was kind of wild when I was younger, I used to race cars ect. Maybe I am just trying to go back to my youth. I don't know, I mean, that is the only dating experience I have. I do want a man like this guy. Steady, strong, good ect. I'm tired of living with somone who continuously put me on edge. Emotionally I think he could really be the one. Physically though it's going to be hard for anyone to compete with my EX( that is before he cut his hair really short and dyed the tips blonde, major MLC). I know that sounds terrible but I can't help it. The funniest part of that is although I was really attracted to EX, because of his actions I had a hard time really being totally intamate with him. That is what I really want in a relationship, intamacy. Someone I can completely trust myself to. I've never known that and maybe this will be the guy to have that with. I know I'm rambling but the kids have been gone all day and I haven't had anyone to talk to. <P>Another voice inside of me says " Don't just jump at the first guy that comes along!" ,But then again what if I blow this and I never find anyone as nice as he is. <P>UHG!!<P>Jill<p>[This message has been edited by jillybean36 (edited September 03, 2001).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by jillybean36:<BR>[B]Another voice inside of me says " Don't just jump at the first guy that comes along!" <BR>UHG!!<P>Jill,<P>Our brains allow us both intellect and emotion. While we are infants, emotions rule over intellect. Gradually, as we grow up, intellect takes over more and more. That voice inside you is your intellect trying to reason with you feelings. Dear lady, feelings aren't facts. There is no shortage of decent guys out there, and time is on your side.<BR>Those who commit in haste usually wind up regretting at their own leisure.<P>Meet some different people. Take time to become friends. Have a little fun. Folks don't need to be romantically involved to enjoy stock car race.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper <BR>

Jill,<P>Remember that it was only a "date"....and only a 2nd one at that! There is no need to feel you have to be committed to this person. Also keep in mind, although you think that you know what a person is like, you truly don't know a person from a 2nd date.<P>If you ever become serious with anyone, I would recommend a lengthy courtship.<P>My advice would be, for you to take it VERY slow. Take them as they are....just dates.<P>You mentioned that you didn't feel any chemistry with him. Take that as your first "sign." It sounds to me, that you two aren't suited for each other.<P>Just continue to date and enjoy yourself. When the right person comes along....you WILL know it!

Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou!!!!<P>You guys are right. Why should I be beating myself up over this. I think that this man is looking for a seriouse relationship but I really think I'm just not ready for that yet. I think I will continue to see him but am going to stress to him that I am not ready for a seriouse relationship, not for awhile anyway. If he is still interested maybe he will understand and stick around. If not then there will be others. <P>Jill

BINGO!

Thanks! Sometimes it just takes me awhile!<P>Jill