Hi everyone-<BR>I've been reading these messages for awhile but have never written. But I need some advice. This may get a bit long so please put up with me. <P>My husband and I had had our share of ups and downs over the course of our ten year marriage. He had a lot of unresolved issues from his childhood which manifested themselves in a severe drinking problem. Last August he announced out of the blue that he wanted a divorce. He moved out for four days saying that he missed the kids and felt we should work things out for them. He came back but wasn't willing to try counseling or anything, we became strangers living in one house, it was horrible. I got pregnant and he accused me of trying to trap him. <P>At the end of January he moved out and said he needed to find himself. At the time I was so naive. I found out a month later that he had been having an affair with a summer help college student at work. She is 11 years younger than him. Of course he denied it and I believed him. She was in school hours away from us so it was easy for him to cover. <P>We spent the next four months going back and forth. He didn't move back but said he was thinking about it. He spent a lot of time at the house not only with the kids but with me too. I did a lot of soul searching and really tried to fix my part of our problems. I was so convinced that we were really trying to reconcile. I bent over backwards to meet his emotional needs. We got along great and were having sex, but still something was wrong. In June I found out the affair had progressed to sexual and had been going on the whole time. I confronted them both and she claimed to end it. I now know she lied. <P>The baby was born in July. He then announced that he was in love with her and was filing for divorce. He didn't. I found out he's getting deeply in debt and lying to everyone. Furthermore, he was threatening to quit his job, run off, and leave me with nothing so I filed for divorce.<P>My real problem is that now that he is getting everything he claims to want he has become absolutely vindictive. He is furious about the court ordered support. He is blowing off visitation times, and being verbally cruel to me. He seems to find himself the victim even though he walked out on us. What really bothers me is that as horrible as he is being, he still has her while I am alone. Why can't he just be nice to me? He has what he wants. why does he have to continue to lie and be cruel?<P>Thanks for your support!<P>Still reeling

<BR>This seems to me to be a tipickle pattern, they get what they want, then want to punish you and act like you did it all. The only thing I can figure is they try to keep there selves from feeling guilt or excepting resposibility,<BR>