there is something left that is why he is trying to assure you that it's not what you think it is... that's why the tears... it is becimming a reality now and i don't think you are the only one who is scared... <P>i am sure you are doing the right thing by leaving, but don't brush off the simplest attempts for h to reconcile... sometimes their pride really gets in the way... and i think someone has to be humble... i think it always is the woman though... what's up with that??? should they have to get humble sometimes??? dang men are from mars... <P>read your answer to help... thanks sis...<P>i also read your answer to nana... i think we are too much alike... we even read the same posts ...

Hey girl, we're cyber twins!!! <P>I HAVE to go to bed soon....it's 11.38pm here!

talk to you tomorrow... sleep with the angels...<P>love kim...

Thanks, I will, they've kept me going, as well as you guys!!! Goodnight!

I'd guess you could drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what he means by this, or that, or the other thing. If anything, the answers you come up with are more likely to reflect your feelings about him that give you any insight into his motivations.<P>In other words, if you think it means he's trying to string you along, have his cake and eat it too, etc., that must mean your opinion of him has nose-dived and you're thinking the worst of him. You're justifiably angry and hurt, and so you're attributing base motives to him.<P>On the other hand, if you think it means he's truly starting to regret his actions, that he's getting a reality slap, that he's now second-guessing himself, it mean you're still hopeful that the man you loved is in there somewhere.<P>Either way, you can't change your plan. You must do what is in you and your childrens' best interests, and forget psychoanalyzing him.<P>For some reason, I'm reminded of David Mamet on poker: you can try to figure out what cards your opponent is holding by watching for signs and giveaways, how he holds his cards or plays with his chips- or you can pay attention to how he bets. You can try to figure out what game your husband is playing by reading the tea leaves, but you're better off looking for tangible evidence. If, for instance, he shows up in Australia in a couple of months, gets an apartment near you, and starts spending his time and energy on you and your kids again, then you have something to work with.<P>

Well BigTrain,<P>I liked your comments about how I analyse his words, and to be honest, I hover between the two. Sometimes I am just so angry at him for all of this, and I can see that this will colour my ideas about his motivations. And at other times, I am looking for that bit of him still in there. I believe in my heart that is what I saw the last couple of times, the real him struggling to get out. <P>But I can't let it stop me...I never intended that it would. The only way I would cancel now is if something happened to him, like an accident. I would want to be there for him.<P>Even if he came to me tonight and said he was sorry, that he loved me, please don't go, etc, etc....believe it or not I still would. Why? Because if he did say that stuff, I know it would only be reaction to us leaving tomorrow. I would say, I am going back. I need the space now to think this through. Try to work on us and we'll see what happens.<P>Well, that's the ideal...if he really did say those things, I would more likely be lost for words. But I know I would still go.<P>I read your anniversary post...blank face, hmmmm. That's her mask so you don't see her true feelings. I think it tugged her heart.<P>Thanks for the good wishes on my trip. I'm dreading it. I have never flown alone with the kids, and they are a handful when there are two adults. But we're flying Singapore Airlines, and they are usually great with the kids. It's the stop at Singapore I dread most, because it works out to be midnight our time, so they'll be VERY tired. Oh well, gotta do it, o no use whinging!<P>I'll post later.