Please help.....me and my husband have been seperated for almost 4 months now. We seperated becasue he got physically abusive one day, and I left and asked him to go to seek help. I told him once he did I would come back home with the kids. <P>During our separation, I would continue to be fulfill his sexual needs. I guess I wasn't pleasing him enough. Becasue I found out yesterday that he has been having an affair with a young girl she is 20 yrs old and he is 30.<P>The part that I cant understand is that he brought her into our home....he had sex with her in our bed, on our couches, and in our car. I am totally lost for words and really dont know which way to turn. I am so hurt I feel like I want to die. I have never felt this way about anything. It feels like he took my heart out and ran over it with a lawnmower. I just feel numb. I didnt even sleep at all last night. I just need some advice from anyone. <P>I found this all out becasue I spoke to the girl, and then I just started asking questions to my husband, regarding different issues, and he confessed. He doesnt know that I talked to her at all....but is it a good thing that he confessed????? I dont want to go back to that house we own together.....I dont want to ride in his car either. <P>My husband is trying to blame me for his actions becasue he feels as if I have been cheating on him, since we weren't having sex on a regular basis. I didn't have the desire to make love to him much, after he was violent with me.<P>He claims he used a condom, but in the same sentence he says it wasnt planned. How can he use a condom in our house (we didn't use them) if it wasnt planned. Sounds like it was planned to me.<P>The biggest problem I face is that he won't go to seek help. He says if I come back home we can talk about it. I want him to agree and get the appointment before I come back (that is if I go back) that way it will show me that he is willing to make our marriage work. I have known him for half of my life, and I don't really want to toss 14 yrs away. <P>Please send comments and advice.....I need some help and for the religious people, PRAY FOR ME!!!<p>[This message has been edited by Nana (edited September 05, 2001).]

hi nana,<P>{{{{{{{{{{nana}}}}}}}}}}<P>i just learned that is a cyber hug... i am so sorry that you are here with us... and i feel so sad that you are dealing with this dilema... i really have no great advice, except to pray to God for grace and strength and the ability to forgive... the forgiving will be the hadest part, but the most necessary if there is to be any type of reconcilliation...<P>keep talking to people in here... they are very supportive and have lots of good information and advice... i know this is especially hard and i don't really have anything to give you but my heart felt compassion...<P>God bless...<P>Kim...

What a horrible thing for you to go through.<P>Many of us here have had to sit through the confession, and it sounds like your h went into detail.<P>Please read all you can on this site, particularly the tour on the home page which will familiarise you with some of the things you are dealing with.<P>I have been there with the "young girl thing" and I know you are hurting so bad, but please make it your first priority to read, read, read. You think your situation is unique, but it isn't. And because it isn't you can gain so much support from us here.<P>Good luck!

bump

Thank you, Kim, for bumping this post back up to the top. I have been totally swamped at work today, and I really needed to respond to Nana--so thanks.<P>Welcome Nana... <BR>This is my general welcome post for all new people.<P>This greeting is geared toward people whose spouses had an affair (A), but since it’s general, good advice, it can help your situation as well!! <P>It has a couple of links to many of the most important MB (Marriage Builder) sites.<P>Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies) <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html</A> <P>About your post... <BR>Do start on a Plan A... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html</A> <BR>Check out this post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.), by a very wise, good friend named NSR (Jim). <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html</A> <P>Plan A is not just for trying to win back a Wayward Spouse(WS) from an affair, whether it is and Emotional Affair (EA) or a Physical Affair (PA). It is what you should be doing to build/rebuild yourself first... and then your marriage! It is about becoming the person that you have the potential to be—the person that God intended for you to be!<P>If you have drifted away from your faith (whatever that may be)consider rediscovering it. This step too, has helped countless marriages and marriage builders. <P>You are in my thoughts and prayers.<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by FaithfulWife (edited September 04, 2001).]