HAM SANDWICH<P>Every mother can appreciate this one (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father.)<P>As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny(our 6 week old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard.<P>No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only with my tongue.<P>Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon'."<BR>

Oh no, tell me that isn't a TRUE story!!!