I am almost afraid to type this post. I have really been so gungho on the divorce and have been separated for 3 months but... now I MIGHT be having second thoughts. I already filed for divorce. I don't want to tell him because he is usually very motivated to work on himself until he finds out he has me and then he stops. He is in church and in an accountability group which he was doing all along while contacting the other woman. I don't get it. It is a heart issue. On the external everything looks fine but no one knows (except God) what goes on in someones inner heart. <BR>My story: My husband has had EA and PA with a couple OW. One particular OW he has kept in contact with for 7 years - he says its just EA but was PA in 1995. We separated 3 times in one year because he contacted her. We've been together for 11 years. We have 2 children ages 7 and 9. <P>I shouldn't care what others think but... the friends I have lost because they didn't agree with my decision for divorce - they will now give support - but no thanks I don't want their support. I don't need fairweather friends. The friends that have stood by me and supported me will probably think "don't come crying to me when it happens again" or "she is just asking for it" or "what a fool". But why should i care?<P>Plus all his irresponsibility patterns are still there - showing up in my mailbox as unpaid bills and bounced checks. What am I crazy?<P>The main thing is the kids - they love their dad and want him home. I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... <BR>I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... I don't know... <P>He is in counseling. He is working on himself. IF it could be different??????????????????????????????<BR>

My heart aches for you Notheard. I have read most of your posts and I printed and saved the advise you gave me it was invaluable. I want out so bad I can taste it somedays and other I think I cant live without him. Hearts dont make a lot of since.<P>Quote: "you can not trust your feelings totally. But God has given you those feeling as warning signs something is wrong. For me there is NOTHING in me that wants my marriage. I pray "Lord, if it is your will, change my heart, give me a desire to make my marriage work". <P>If God is telling you to reconsider then do it. If your husband, your kids, your fear, or anything or anyone else is telling you, then ask God again. <P>Thanks for helping me, I hope I am able to return the favor.

Thanks, for being there. I will wait until I am sure it is from God. I really don't know at this point what I want. I feel like the biggest hypocrite right now. I have been talking "principles" of marriage and divorce and just so certain of divorce. now I just feel clueless.