I found out last November that my rat of a soon-to-be ex husband had been carrying on an affair with a woman in NM over the e-mail and telephone for a year and a half at that time. He bought a mobile home and moved out in January, leaving our 12-year-old son with me. He said he needed time and space to figure out what he wanted and like an idiot I bought his lame excuse. He said nothing of a divorce at the time nor did he ask for a legal separation. He kept carrying on the affair; flying down to NM in January for "work" to be with her, spending a weekend with her when she came to "visit relatives" in March and continuing to rack up enormous telephone bills (which were conveniently hidden until after he moved out). He said he hadn't slept with her until March when she visited the small town we were living in, but I don't believe him. It was at the end of March (after allegedly sleeping with her for the first time) that he finally uttered the word divorce, but when asked if that was what he really wanted, he still said he didn't know. I spent 3 months in counseling, took anti-depressants (prescribed) for about 2 months, and continued to work and be a parent for our son. In April, he brought me a set of those $99 quickie divorce papers he and a paralegal had partially filled out (I later learned that the other woman gave him an ultimatum). It was so very thoughtful of him to "give" me the mobile home he purchased (with no washer and dryer, a leaky roof and an oven that did not work) for me and our son to live in, our money market and mutual fund accounts, physical custody of our son and $280 a month while he would keep our home, a piece of property we had purchased, his Jeep, truck, boat, 3-wheeler, lawn tractor, you get the picture. Needless to say, I did nothing with those papers.<P>In May, he informed me that he was again taking a trip to NM and BRINGING HER BACK WITH HIM. At that point, I had had all I could take. I had tried counseling and attempted to get him to join me to no avail. We had talked about issues we both had until we were blue in the face. He had continued his relationship with her and it was obvious that he had no intention of ending it nor did he have any remorse for putting me, his son and our families through hell. I could not take any more lies nor could I withstand the thought of his rubbing this woman in my face. It was impossible to avoid her due to the size of the town we were living in. So I packed up our son, what household goods he didn't take when he moved out and the cat and left the state. I went home and the rat knew it. 2 weeks later he filed for divorce. The most unfortunate thing is that our son is old enough to have some say in where he wants to live and primarily because his "comfort zone" is where his dad lives, he has chosen to remain there, adulterous father, adulterous mistress and her kids, and all.<P>The divorce is still in progress and I have heard that hers is too (from husband #2, no less). I have also heard that they plan to marry as soon as their divorces are final. I know that I have a certain amount of responsibility in the failure of our marriage, I only wish I knew what it was. I have run the gamut of emotions: anger, betrayal, devastation, heartache, confusion, you name it. Eventually, I know I have to forgive him for everything he has put everyone through, but I can't do it now. I am still reeling from the shock of it all. My life seems surreal right now. I know I am better off without the jerk, but my heart aches for our son, knowing he is in that environment. I only hope I can heal and learn to trust men again. I will not date again until the divorce is final; he may be an adulterer, but I do not have to be an adulteress. I also hope that anyone who reads this and sees themselves in a similar position, be it mine or my soon-to-be ex's, sees the devastation and destruction a situation like this causes and decides to make some changes for the better.

Hi toolateforme<P>I can feel your pain through your post. I see that this is your first post, and so I would like to direct you to the home page, where you can get some great information about all of this. Someone else will come on and give you the links to relevant sites, I'm sure. I can't do that yet!!! You aren't alone here, and any time you want to just let loose, come here.<P>You sound like you have determined that your marriage has ended, but there is still a lot of help here for you. You can learn a lot here about what makes relationships work, so that when you do decide to date, you can apply these principals.<P>Anyway, come here, join us, let your frustrations out, and feel safe. This is a great place to be.<P>Take care of yourself!

What a [censored]! The more I read and post here the more I find stories of just [censored] mates. I feel your pain and I can only say that you need to find the people that care about you and spend time with them. For me, I'm lucky that I have a lot of friends that are here for me to vent and care enough to listen. My family is also very supportive of my situation(Wife had affair, just filed).<BR> Try to be strong, try to get a good lawyer, and know that you are the better person here! You didn't cheat! He'll get what he deserves in the end. A cheater hooks up with another cheater, what do they think will end up with their marriage. Be strong, keep your head up and post here.<P>Sincerely <BR>FF63