Hello everyone,<BR>Like some other posts I have seen on this board I too am seeking advice regarding my marriage.<BR>I have been married to a wonderful woman for 13 years. We have no children. In these 13 years we have had only 2 good arguments. So her up and leaving me comes as a shock and a surprise.<BR>I myself try to be a good husband. (I don't know where I went wrong)<BR>About 2 weeks ago my wife told me that she was leaving to stay with her friend. She said that she needed to get away, that she felt like she was having a nervous breakdown and she wasn't sure that she wanted to be with me anymore.<BR>This all comes about 3 months after an argument we had about her drinking going way out of hand. on this night I told her that I thought she had a drinking problem and that I felt she needed to get help. I told her that I didn't marry this and don't understand why she was drinking so much. That I kept my feelings about this inside but I couldn't do it anymore.<BR>Now I find myself 3 months later having a conversation with her one afternoon regarding back to that night. I thought we where getting better. But the next day she had left.<BR>She has spoken to me since stating things like..When I cook dinner sometimes and ask if you like it you answer it is ok..not it is good..and little things like that.. I told her that that is my way of saying that it was good.. I was sorry but if you don't tell me these things bother you how do I know..I ask her to come by and talk and she wont. I don't know what happened. But how can I fix it if she won't let us try. How can you spend 13 years with someone. I don't drink or smoke. I am not abusive. I let her do things ith her friends hen she wants.I can not understand what I did that was so wrong that she can just walk away after 13 years.<BR>She is going to a counsler. But I was not asked to go with her. Is this a typical thing? Shouldn't we be going together? My friends think that she is freaking out cause she hit 30. Her family has a history on her mothers side of depression also could this have anything to do with the situation? If so why can't I help her through this?<BR>As you can tell I am rambling but it is because I am so confused and just wish that after 13 years together she would just tell me what is going on? Please feel free to lend advice. I have been looking at these posts all day and some are so similiar to my situation at hand. Thank you all for taking the time to read through my post. I will be looking forward to your responses.

I think it is a good sign your wife is going to counseling--she may need to deal with herself before the marriage. By helping herself--hopefully will help the both of you. It may not hurt for you to go to counseling by yourself--if you think you need it. I guess I can't help much--as I've just started counseling and have questions on that. I think that her going to counseling shows that she knows there is something wrong and wants to fix it--this is a plus. Hang in there and try to be patient--it is hard I know. <BR>My husband of 14 yrs (have 2 kids) is going thru the "I'm not happy" thing. It's been a huge rollercoaster ride the last couple months--but think things are looking more positive for us now. The last week and a half have been good for us--baby steps forward.<BR>Wishing you the best of luck--be patient and try to ride it out--hopefully once she works on her--can work on your marriage.

It has ALL to do with FOO (family of Origin issues)<P>want to see a good movie which FOO issues destroys a family?<P>Watch <I> Like Water for Chocolate </I><P>Its probably not about you, but about her not knowing herself, and not understanding the impact of what she saw as a child of her close relatives relationships that she is imitating.<P>there are too different depressions, (i think) chemical, and situational. chemical is hereditary, and sitational is due to the situation.<P>You must review disrespectful judgements, and how to tell a spouse a criticism without LB, just to be sure you are doing the best you can.<P>good luck, but with no kids, and her refusal to work on it, i would separate, give her X amount of time to straighten herself out, and if she can't explain to you what was happening and what she is doing, I would get the divorce and find a better suited spouse.<P>not MB like, but with no children, why bother with a head case that may or may not be fixable?<P>WIFTTy

I don't think that myself going to counseling will help me but if her counselor or herself wishes me to come to sessions I would be there in a second. I don't know what is bothering her. Like I said if I was cheating, abusive, yadda, yadda. I could see her leaving.<BR>Can you just fall out of love with someone you have been together with for 13 years?<BR>I am glad that I stumbled across this site and that I see there have been others with similar problems and thy all are making it through no matter what the result.<BR>I just wish that she would talk to me about what is bothering her <BR>Thanks

Welcome triple d...<P>This is my general welcome post for all new people.<P>This greeting is geared toward people whose spouses had an affair (A), but since it’s general, good advice, it can help your situation as well!! <P>It has a couple of links to many of the most important MB (Marriage Builder) sites.<P>Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies) <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html</A> <P>About your post... <P>I suggest that you start on a Plan A... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html</A> <BR>Check out this post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.), by a very wise, good friend named NSR (Jim). <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html</A> <P>Plan A is not just for trying to win back a spouse. It is what you should be doing to build/rebuild yourself first... and then your marriage! It is about becoming the person that you have the potential to be—the person that God intended for you to be!<P>If you have drifted away from your faith (whatever that may be)consider rediscovering it. This step too, has helped countless marriages and marriage builders. <P>I will share with you my story a little. My H left me 1 1/2 years ago for another woman--he did have a physical affair with her. When he left, I started to learn the ways in which I had contributed to our problems, and make changes for the better to myself. I began to become the woman, mother and wife that God intended for me to be. I had to learn how to forgive the past. I had to learn how to speak up for myself and be brave. I had to do a lot of humbling things. But I also learned how to have joy again, how to find satisfaction and peace within myself, and how to Give when my H was not able to give back to me. You can do it too. <P>If I were to give an intelligent guess, I would guess that your W is having difficulty accepting and acknowledging her drinking problem--and like WIFTTy said, she may also have issues relating to her family of origin (you know, her mom and dad and siblings). You may want to also look at some of the Alanon sites to see the ways in which you may have contributed to your W's addiction/situation without meaning to. <P>You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.<P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.