Hi,<BR> The man I have been dating and I are both betrayed spouses. I often wonder if that will be a positive or a negative to the future of a relationship. On one hand we both have been through the same hurt. On the other hand we may just end up using eachother as a support system. So far I don't feel that way. We try not to talk about our marriages to much. But there will come a day if we continue seeing eachother that it will be discussed. <BR> Why I actually spend time thinking about these things I don't know. I wish I could just enjoy dating again and having a man in my life again. I guess I need to stop analizing everything all of the time. <P>What do you all think.<P>Jill<BR>

I'm sort of in the same situation, the man I am currently involved with had similar relationship problems with a long term GF(he's never been married) and from my point of view this has made for a much more open and honest relationship. Both of us put a high value on communicating and so far have been able to talk about every aspect of our past and present relationships without fear.<BR> I think you should perhaps voice your misgivings or questions to the person you're seeing. Obviously it's playing on your mind and so why not?

jillybean36,<BR>I think you are at the same stage in the dating game as I am. I have been very leery and those same thoughts constantly go through my mind. I finally decided I was worrying myself to death and I was just going to have fun. It has been hard for me to just enjoy myself, but I know its because it has taken me time to heal and I mean a year and a half or so. The sad thing is I am nice looking for 37 with a nice figure and I shouldn't have any problems dating, but I'm just scared. Scared of what??? maybe getting hurt again, but I know the only way to have a healthy relationship is to be truthful and I have to remind myself ---- it is O.K. if this relationship doesn't work out. I made it through the worst "DIVORCE" and I can make it again and again until the right person comes along. The question is "When is that person going to come along?" Don't know, only God knows my destiny, until then, enjoy the new friendships and have fun and let yourself be spoiled. We all deserve that and I will not settle for anything less.

I am divorced and my MF is also divorced. Our ex-spouses are carbon copies of one another except mine was far meaner and we have a child who lives with me. Both exs are living with the OW/OM they left, lied and destroyed our lives for. We both knew there were problems in our marriages but we never saw the betrayal coming or did we think about going that route ourselves.<P> I had more issues than my MF and with his patience and understanding I am getting over them. Trust was never an issue with us. I had a strong fear of me messing up a good thing. Afraid of repeating mistakes. We communicate and have gotten over each bump in the road so far. It just gets better everyday.<P> My D adores him and prefers to do things with him instead of her father. She spends time with him but she is always ready to come home. <P><BR> <P>

Thanks,<P>It is really nice to know that I am not alone with this dating thing. I am scared to death of getting hurt again. I know that I should keep telling myself that it's ok if this doesn't work there will be others. I mean I'm only 36 and have my whole life ahead of me yet. My self esteem was really damaged by my EX and I just think it's going to take along time for me to get it back. Until I do I guess you guys are just stuck with me. <P><BR>Jill

Jill,<BR> You are not alone. My self esteem was so damaged. That is where a lot of my problems came from. I am getting better every day. It takes time. You were not damaged overnight so it will not heal overnight. I want it to be better right away and any little bump can throw me over the edge. But now it takes a hard hit and when I do go over the edge I am able to climb back alot faster.<P> I did not realize how damaged I was until a comment my D made last week. I am so much better and her and I are closer than we have been for years. Her corelation of how I was then and how I am now was why did I sit around crying about it; why didn't I just throw him out right then. How do you explain 22 years and "until death do you part" to a 12 year old who only sees the then and the now?<P> <BR>