Hello, This is my first time on this and i just think you all are great support.<P>My wife left three weeks ago, she said that "she could not love me the way a wife should" and that "she did all the communication" and that since i stopped raising my voice i blocked them out. we have been married for 10 years and have a daughter, my wife and my daughter have moved into an apartment just a mile down the road. She takes care of the bills still and looks after the pool and still calls. I love my wife very much, i guess she was right, i did not communicate very well or not enough, but i am learning.<P>She says that she does not think she could go through it again, i don't blame her. But, like everyone else, we find out to late just how much we love them.. we still talk everyday, i put no pressure on her and i am trying to rekindle my daughters and i relationship as Father and Daughter..<P>I just wonder if she is so angry and can not love me the way a wife should, should i let go? She says that she wants to know if she would be able to support her self and that is what her goal is at the time, i support her 100%.<P>Should i let her go?<P>Thanks<p>[This message has been edited by i_need_help (edited September 06, 2001).]

Welcome i_need_help...<P>This is my general welcome post for all new people.<P>This greeting is geared toward people whose spouses had an affair (A), but since it’s general, good advice, it can help your situation as well!! <P>It has a couple of links to many of the most important MB (Marriage Builder) sites.<P>Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies) <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html</A> <P>About your post... <P>Rather than letting her go, I suggest that you start on a Plan A... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html</A> <BR>Check out this post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.), by a very wise, good friend named NSR (Jim). <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html</A> <P>Plan A is not just for trying to win back a spouse. It is what you should be doing to build/rebuild yourself first... and then your marriage! It is about becoming the person that you have the potential to be—the person that God intended for you to be!<P>If you have drifted away from your faith (whatever that may be)consider rediscovering it. This step too, has helped countless marriages and marriage builders. <P>I will share with you my story a little. My H left me 1 1/2 years ago for another woman--he did have a physical affair with her. When he left, like you I started to learn the ways in which I had contributed to our problems, and make changes for the better to myself. I began to become the woman, mother and wife that God intended for me to be. I had to learn how to forgive the past. I had to learn how to speak up for myself and be brave. I had to do a lot of humbling things. But I also learned how to have joy again, how to find satisfaction and peace within myself, and how to Give when my H was not able to give back to me. You can do it too. <P>If I were to give an intelligent guess, I would say that your W's lovebank is empty. She tried for years to reach out to you and try to connect and interact with you, and eventually she just didn't have anything more to give. Imagine a pitcher of water that is constantly pouring water OUT but never getting a refill of water. It can't keep pouring out forever! Eventually, the pitcher will run dry and it will have to stop pouring out. That's what has happened here. Your W poured and poured and poured and finally ran dry. Now your job is not to give up--it is to think of her and REFILL HER PITCHER. <P>You will probably have to fill her pitcher for a while without getting anything back to you to fill your pitcher, so be ready for that. It will take some time for her to believe that it's true and that you are sincere, so pace yourself and rest and take care of yourself, and come here for your gripes and for some encouragement. Okay?<P>You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.<P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Thanks CJ<P>I really do need to be patient, we spoke tonight and i said that i understand what i have done all these years. I even asked if i should go ahead and file, she said if she wanted to file she would of done it, and that it would take a while to get that love back again..<P>How long is a while, i know that when i read Plan A, it stated that anyone who seperates never gets back together. She is worth waiting for, but should there be a time limit?<P>DB