I had a tough daqy today. I had kids for today, and each one had a soccer game, so saw W twice. Very tough. She was distant, aloof, and looking good. It killed me. But, I did my best to keep a Plan A face. Did not do well in AM, better in PM. It was excruciating, but I got through. I wanted so much to have a relationship talk, to reach out to her, to hold her. At one point, she stretched out on a blanket in front of me. Either extereme flirting, or extreme torture.<P>But, i resisted urge to engage. Let her be. She took kids home from the last game. I went home alone, ate alone, feeling very pitiful. Went to local watering hole. Sta alone, contemplating and having a few beverages.<P>How nuts it all is! Both os us alone, possible looking for new mates. Insane. It would be so easy to fix it all with some openess and honesty. Otherwise, we will both be doomed to a life of haunting bars. And, I will be more likely to find someone. She is dripping honey now, and she could attract bees, but they will just hurt her.<P>Totally insane. We will both be worse off, not to mention the kids. Where is the logic here? Why can't she see? God, I am working daily to deal with this, and i pray for patience and strength, but she is herself.<P>I know the party line-work on yourself. I am doing it. I just don't get hewr part.<P>Sorry, too much to drink tonight. But it hurts, it hurts deep.

ANB3, <P>You nutty, buzzin' guy you. I had a crappy day myself. Can I cry in the beer with ya? I can't drink it, but I can cry in it, can't I? <P>I don't get it either. I want someone to see the value of me!! Is that so selfish? To be loved and appreciated? Geez, it seems so unreachable and a million miles away.<P>My H is on one of his business trips, which I HATE anyway, but he didn't call all day. He stayed out on the town until 1:30am last night, and didn't call me all day today. I called him once and got the, "can I call ya back in a little while" speech; then called again four hours later...whatever. <P>So, shall we throw a pity party? You bring the liquor (since I'm not a drinker), I'll bring the chocolate and the ice cream, and we can wallow around in the sorrow mud pit for a while. I had one pity party that was quite a doozy. We had a "walk with loneliness" hike, a pin the divorce papers on the X contest, a wallow in the mud pit, and we burned our spouses in ephigy (sp?) at the bonfire! <P>Gee--if you can't cry anymore, laugh, right?<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

ANB3,<P> You're right this all sucks so much. I had to see my STBXW several times today. Very depressing. How much easier this would all be if we were to be going home together etc. instead of sending the kid here and there.<P> I have come to believe though that a bad marriage can be like a tumor and you're better off just cutting it off while you still have your life. I'll never get back the part of my soul that I've lost but it is better than losing it all. Losing it all is what would happen if I stayed married to an ungrateful, unfaithful, shallow, and vain whore.<P> I have stop trying to make sense of her repeated acts of infidelity that have destroyed our marriage. Someone who cares about others, has a conscience, and can think logically could never understand the sort of actions people take that ruin marriages.<P> I am at home right now alone too. There is a little boy who sleeps here most of the week who is with his mom right now. She used to be with me this time of night. It is real lonely. Glad there is someone else out there to reach out to.<P> I know how you're feeling exactly. It hurts so bad. It is worse when you have to keep seeing the person too. I grew up in that woman's arms, we were together since we were children.<P>God Be with You,<BR>DS<BR>senornaldo@hotmail.com<BR>

Well, things look tolerable better by the light of day. I read my post from last night. Was pretty pitiful, wasn't it.<P>Strangely, i read in one of the little daily readers i have that many people spend too much time lamenting what they don't have instead of being thankful for what they do have. Talk about a wake-up call-but my situation in perspective. I started making a list of things i am thankful for, even my W, or maybe especially my W.<P>Guess i'm not ready to torch her just yet Faithful!<P>Thanks for the replys-we are all stronger together than apart. PS-notice how much better the typing is today?<P>We have a counseling session tomorrow, so i need to get calm and collected.<P>ttfn

Don't we all have our times!!!<P>Good luck for the counseling. We never got to that really.<P>Keep well,<P>Jacky<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ANB3:<BR>Well, things look tolerable better by the light of day. I read my post from last night. Was pretty pitiful, wasn't it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yeah, even the spelling was bad- you'd obviously had a few. But we're all entitled to our down days, friend, and a little vent on a down day is a perfectly reasonable excuse to post.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>We have a counseling session tomorrow, so i need to get calm and collected.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Good- post after that and let us know how things went.<P>