Hi all,<P>Just having a bad day could you encouragement.<P>ANNA<p>[ October 22, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

Just got from vacation. Very long post, but the bottom line is, YOU WILL BE FINE! I wish you well. Lee

Lee,<BR>Thanks for saying that Lee. Today I am having a hard time with everything. More so than usual. I went to church this morning for the first time in a month, the subject "A happy marriage" of course! I'm struggling today. I thought somehow writing down everything would help. Well so far I just feel worse. I thought I was doing pretty good. Handling everything fairly well, but now I wonder if I was just kidding myself.<P>Geez, I can't even seem to function today.<P>Anyway, thanks for the encouragement.<P>ANNA<BR>

Hi Anna,<BR>Welcome to MB. Sorry to hear of your ordeal. You had a long marriage and you need to grieve for its loss. Leaving an abusive relationship will be best for you in the long run. Be strong and know you're on the right path.

Anna, <BR> Anyone that hits another person is an instant, "Bye Bye" in my book. Your husband sounds like he has, "Little Man Disease." He's not that big, so to make himself bigger and tougher he's got to say big words and hit people. Always the hitting part comes with someone a lot smaller than him. If confronted by a larger person, he would run away to avoid an [censored] whoopin. I'm sure he probably has always talked the talk though. His alcohol problem didn't help anything I'm sure through the years. <BR> For now look ahead. Things get better when you understand that you are worth way more than that!! You will do more than be just fine if you try hard enough. Reach for the stars so to speak. You may think that you waited to long, but at least your out now. You could still be there for another 17 years, thank God you will be able to take charge of your life. Be strong, keep your head held high, and find a nice person out there. They do exist, I promise. I'm one of those people who's alway been the nice guy. Good people with good hearts and firm beliefs about doing what's good do exist. Not just in fairy tales. You will find what your looking for out of life if you just look hard enough. <P>Take care of yourself and your kids, You will all be doing better than fine in the long run!<P>FF 63

Here's some abbreviations for you:<P>OM/W: Other man or woman<BR>SO: Significant other<BR>BS: Betrayed spouse<BR>WS: Wayward spouse<BR>OS/D: Oldest son/daughter<BR>YS/D: Younger/st son/daughter<BR>M/FIL: Mother in law, father in law<BR>B/SIL: Brother in law, sister in law<BR>FOO: Family of origin (this one got me!!!)<BR>EA: Emotional affair<BR>PA: Physical Affair<BR>stbxw/h: soon to be ex wife/husband<P>Hope this helps!<P>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Nina too:<BR>[B]Here's some abbreviations for you:<P>WOW NINA, I AM BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR KINDNESS. YOU TOOK THE TROUBLE TO FIND THESE AND POST THEM FOR ME. THANKS.<BR>ANNA

Thanks Final Fantasy and lonesome heart. I appreciate your comments. This has been one of the more rougher days but I have to keep in mind as time goes by there are more good days than bad and that is a good thing! <P>ANNA<P>

That's okay Anna, here to help!!!

Anna have you read any books about abuse? How it happens and why. I know Patricia Evans writes some good books about abuse. My H is not physically abusive but he was emotionally/verbally abusive which has done a number on my self-esteem over 15 yrs of marriage. I didnt even realize how much it affected me until I started reading abuse and a close friend pointed out how much my lack of self-confidence was related to it. Knowledge is power as they say. MY H filed for D on me a few months ago while in the fog of his affair- but then he cancelled it and we are reconciling.( He never had an alcohol problem like yours or I would not have attempted reconciling) However we are in alot of counseling and I have CHANGED- I no longer get depressed, cry and withdraw when he is verbally abusive- I speak right up and point it out to him and tell him I wont put up with it. He is slowly changing as a result. I am also taking effexor- a strong antidepressant/anxiety med- it helps me alot by cutting down on my crying jags. You sound like a great person- I wish you the best in your future. You have put up with so much. Its time to think about YOU and not him for a change. lifeismessy

Thanks all again for your comments.<P>ANNA<p>[ October 22, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

Wow Anna, you are a survivor!<P>You are very wise to be doing what you are doing. One thing I notice here is that the folks here try to encourage reconciliation of a marriage if that's what the writer wants, but are equally supportive if they don't. <P>You have a lot of GOOD reasons for not wanting your marriage. I commend you for strength to get out, and your ability to stay whole throughout your ordeal.