Although my WS says she wants a divorce, simply refuses to file and makes excuses as to why she won't file. I would think that while in the 'fog' they are in, which allows them to act illogically, irrationally and selfishly, they would be even more inclined to file, yet after reading most of the posts here and in D/D, they rarely do? Can anyone tell me why that is? Especially WS's?

I don't know if my situation is strange or not, I would think other people's spouses have done the same, but my wife just file while still totally in the fog. She's had an affair for only 2 months now and has already had me served. It's absolutely crazy that she's that taken by this whole thing. Her parents are no help though, they paid for the attorney and are helping her every step of the way. My wife really has no reason behind her drastic step except for the man twice her age that she's infatuated with. She's using the excuse that because of sexual abuse when she was really young, that caused all her problems. "We're all victims of my past", she says. Yes, some of her problems are with the past, but having an affair is a CHOICE! Plan and simple. The only problem with our marriage was her lack of committment and strenght when approached by a man persuing her. Maybe our marriage had hit the everyday routine, but that is far from a good reason to divorce. She never gave our marriage a fighting chance. Maybe part of it was my bad also considering about a month and a half into her affair, I also didn't want the person she had become back. I let her know it to. I told her that the wife I married has died and this new person is in her place. A new person that can cheat, lie, and have an affair. The new mean, uncarring, cocky, selfish, ***** can stay away for ever for all I care. I loved the wife I had for two years more than anything, but the affair has changed her, DRASTICLY! <P>It only took 2 months, her parents helped, and we are about to go to court. Some people, at least my wife with her parents support, do file in the fog of an affair. God help her when the fog clears and she sees how much she has screwed her life up! Vows are only broken easier the second time you want to break them. <P>Take care of yourself and keep your head up. No one else will do it for you.<P>FF 63

Hmmm...After reading the majority of posts I think your case is an exception. However, I was considering telling my WS(I am in Plan B) that I do not want her back because she is not the person I married, and after what happened in your case, I might need to reconsider. Any WS's out there who can tell us why they didn't want to file while in the fog?

Indecision,<P> As far as my WS goes, her attitude is like "why bother?" She admittedly "doesn't play by the rules". Most men will have sex with married women if they are attractive enough. She can date and do as she pleases so why not just let me take care of the technicalities. When marriage is a way of having your needs met and not even bothering to try to meet the needs of the other person, why would you want to get rid of that. Of course they are going to let the other person terminate the free ride.<BR> Some times there is another woman/man that wants to take possession of the ws and they will push them for filing for divorce. Short of this they don't usually bother. My wife was dating to the fullest extent within 24 hours of our separation.<P>Sorry for your misery, you are not alone,<BR>DS<BR>senornaldo@hotmail.com<BR>

Thanks for that insight DeeplySad. I'm hoping that a WS responds to this also.

A little bump. Trying to get WS's to respond.

Well, I was a betrayed spouse and became a wayward spouse. My ex didn't file until she was darn good and ready. She wasn't about to give up the life insurance coverage or the health and dental plan or the car or the credit card. She even had me paying for motel bills for her and her sock puppet. <P>Another reason she didn't file was that although she no longer wanted me as a husband and lover, she didn't want any other woman to have me either. She shared that with me several years later.<P>Something you might consider here, people rarely do or omit anything this important for a single reason. They usually have several reasons. Among others, is just plain selfish, self centered behavior, but of course, we never admit that one.<P>When she found out about my "revenge" affair, she sure filed in a hurry, then took a year and a half to make a property settlement.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

I don't have an answer, wanted to post an observation. My WS says she hasn't given one thought to divorce. We've been separated since 06/29. She is completely w OM, and denies an affair.<P> Unfortunately, I think DeeplySad is on the mark with his assessment.

Well for us it has been 9 and a half weeks of separation. The only time he has mentioned the WORD divorce was in our one and only counseling session, and even then I think the C actually said the word, not him. He just agreed he wanted one.<P>He has not said it, but the one time we talked about it since counseling, he said he still felt the same (ie wants to be not married to me), up until two weeks ago....if you know my story, you'll understand. Then he started saying maybe, maybe, maybe about the future of our marriage.<P>I don't know what he's told HIS family, but I got the impression they see divorce on the horizon. Well it looks like a logical conclusion to them I suppose.<P>Why don't they do it? In my opinion it is because they don't want to be the bad guy....I know it's been said here before, but this is SO true for my H....a conflict avoider.<P>That's how we got into this damned mess.

Thanks for the posts folks. Keep them coming. I think many have an interest in this topic. I agree with the 'conflict avoidance' thing. My W is a conflict avoider big time and that is why we are in this mess in the first place.

little bump