i'm getting so heart sick. i found out through my kids tonight that he takes this woman he's dating to his bedroom and locks the door and its quiet in there while they watch a video. my 7 year old says she thinks they are kissing. she's so innocent of what's going on it never occurs to her that daddy should only kiss her mommy. she sees passionate kissing on tv and wants to kiss me like that and i explain that is only for a man and woman but she still wants to do it. so you can see, she's not aware that daddy is doing wrong. i'm so sick i could go kick her a**. i feel so betrayed, used, rejected... i just want to scream, God why is this have to happen to me. i've been such a good faithful wife, why,why, why?<P>would it get to him at all do you think if i got someone to play my new boyfriend and send presents to myself so he thinks they are from another man? would he maybe get the idea that i'm a pretty good catch and that he shouldn't loose me? i'm spiraling down and don't see how i can endure this for years waiting for him to wake up and come back.

lafrance...Please be patient and think through this difficult moment. Yes sometimes it is a wake up call for the WS to see that the BS is being courted. However, this can backfire just as well in that he may think that either you no longer care for him(WS) or are moving on, or both, and he will pursue OP even harder. In my experience, I've seen that letting the pieces fall as they may, as long as you are doing your best to improve yourself and meeting EN's, no LB'ing etc, is the best method. Of course, without being explicit as to if someone is pursuing you or not, but maybe letting him think it can be ok, because you can always deny it because you know it isn't true. For example, I have been in Plan B for the last two months, and all of a sudden my WS is finding all kinds of lame excuses to call me and email me. This past friday, I was having dinner with a client, and she called unexpectedly about something so trivial as our cellular phone bill. She was doing her best to get my goat, and I never fell for it and kept my business face throughout. When she asked why I could not straighten out the bill right away, I let her know I was in a restaurant having dinner and would not be available to do so until the following Monday. I could tell by her tone of voice that she assumed I was on a date, and I had not indicated this at all, but I did not do the wrong thing and desperately say 'by the way I am not on a date' etc. I let her think what she wanted to think, and enjoyed my dinner afterward. Make them think you are doing better than they think you are.

Hi Lafrance,<P>I'm not a man but I'm going to answer anyway ok? <P>When my ws left, I was on Plan A for a while, I was on it before I knew about Harley, I just was told "kill him with kindness, and don't let him see you down". So I did. In the beginning that seemed to get to him.<P>Well, when I really did begin to date, H was mad at first, but it only eased his guilt. "If she's doing it, than what I did is no big deal", or he was glad someone took me off his hands at that moment.<P>I of course, was caught up in my own fog, because this person was real, did send me things and made me feel great. I still miss him for the times we shared together. However, my thoughts on your question are, suppose that wasn't real, and it pushes your H closer to OW. That would be backfiring and make you feel worse.<P>Plan A as best as you can. Read all you can on this site. Read books. Take good care of yourself, Plan A can be draining, but I would suggest the best way to go about restoring/saving your marriage...is thru pure honesty. No games.<P>And even though this may be the farthest from your mind...stay away from other men while you're vulnerable right now. The bad ones can find you in an instant, its very easy to see when we are in pain. If you read my current post you'll understand where I'm coming from just a little.<P>Good luck. Be patient, be honest, pray for peace and strength, hugs, Dana<BR>

If he thinks another man is interested in you, it probably will make a difference. It will send him deeper into his lover's arms.<P>Sure wouldn't recommend it.<P>Prayers and stuff, <P>Bumper

thank you for responding. i can see that it would be a mistake to do that. plus doing that would not be relying on God's abilities to make him feel guilt for what he is doing. all i do is picture them together behind those closed doors with my daughter on the other side listening. i can't bear the thought of him embracing another. i love him so much and this is killing me.

I feel that misleading him would not be helpful to your marriage but would also be a bad example to set for your children.