<BR>I fear a similar fate for my poorly-timed relationship. There are a lot of similarities ... but at least as many differences. I don't know if I'm right to be concerned or making something out of nothing at this point.<P>There was no known PA in my marriage; I left an abuser not an adulterer. I had an EA almost a year before we filed, that was not a contributing factor to the divorce, unless you count me getting my self-esteem back! It took that EA to make me remember that I'm a good person worthy of more than being someone's emotional punching bag and scapegoat. He had an EA and possible PA that I discovered after we filed, I don't think it was a factor either.<P>I rebounded almost immediately. We both KNEW it was a rebound and just as vehemently were in total DENIAL that it was. Yes he was SO different from my STBX. Too different to be compatible with me, it seemed! That ended abruptly. <I>Next!</I><P>Just five long/short months after the divorce was filed, I got involved with another man. We both confessed to not being ready for a relationship, and fell hard for each other anyway. Difference being he hid how much he felt for me and I couldn't hide what I felt. It took him months to admit his feelings were as strong as mine. <P>I could very well be in a fog. <P>Then again, having already been in that fog before, I could be seeing things very clearly now.<P>You never know until you're <I>out</I> of the fog, do you?<P>I got into counseling related to the STBX's treatment of me and my resulting poor self-esteem before I left, and stayed in it until recently. My depression has been all but vanquished by persevering and divorcing that angry little man.<P><BR>How long before I stop wondering if this relationship will end because I have been a 'wife' so long that I don't know how to be a 'girlfriend'?<P>How long before I trust and believe that this isn't true: just because he hasn't said or done something terrible to me YET doesn't mean that it won't happen eventually?<P>Why does it feel like the end is inevitable, what matters is when will it happen and how much will it hurt? How long before I unfairly get angry with him for doing or saying something that reminds me so much of my ex that I can't stand him, if just for a moment? He doesn't deserve that and won't put up with it.<P>I can't make myself believe in unconditional love.<P>I read the Emotional Needs posts about SF and other topics that make me think -- if something happened to me to drastically change my sex drive, my physical attractiveness, or something like that, like an accident or illness -- would he still love me? Would <I>any</I> man? <P>I was never going to divorce. This man I married would NEVER cheat on me. He repeated that so many times to me. I believed it with everything in me. HE would NEVER cheat on me. Then I find the emails after I leave, and realize my entire picture of what was 'good' about this man is flawed. Not this man, not any man, would be faithful and loving to a woman who stopped having sex with him, would he?<P>I don't mean to get any of the guys here up in arms - I'm generalizing based on the men who post about SF about that particular burning Need.<P>T-L-C<P><BR>(P.S. If my story sounds eerily familiar it is because I also post under a different ID because of the people who unfortunately know about this ID who don't need to know the details that I include in my other posts! So if you recognize the story and know the other ID please don't post it here - I don't want them linked - thanks!)<BR>
