To all, I was just wondering what put you on to the affair if you were betrayed? Secondly, why, if you are divorcing, wont they just go ahead and tell you? I mean, now that my wife has taken off the rings and such, I sense that there is something she isnt telling me. Now all of a sudden she wants me to take the kids every Saturday night and all day Sunday, every weekend. Do you find that request odd. I can see them anytime now, and I have them every other weekend. She seems a bit miffed that I have more free time than she does. I think that she is having an affair, as her phone bill shows a number to a guy in VA. She was in a class with this guy back in April, before we were separated.<BR>Should I just out of the blue ask her how (guy) is next time I see her or maybe say, hey remember when you were in Charlotte and you told me about that guy that was in the class with you, didnt he work at a bank or something? Didnt you meet him in Charleston before? Should I do this to see if I get a rise out of her? Perhaps that dropped jaw? Any advice would be appreciated.

Hey this is from the book Affair Proof your marriage.<P>Telltale signs of an affair.<BR>Loss of weight<BR>Change in hair<BR>Greater concern about clothing<BR>Passenger seat adjustment<BR>New smells of soap or shampoo<BR>Use of breath mints<BR>Repeat number on celluar phone<BR>Extra key on key ring<BR>restaraunt matchbooks in pockets<BR>lipstick or makeup on shirt<BR>excuses to go out alone<BR>vagueness regarding whereabouts<BR>more workouts<BR>fresh-shower smell<P>Looking back my wife fit almost all of these. Also, I found reciepts in towns she never told me she was. The passenger seat was completely different when I sat in it. Tons of calls to someone on her NEW cell phone I knew she didn't need to talk to that much. After being out all day the smell of a man.( I think you catch my drift )And to complete all of the suspicions actually finding the two together. I confronted her before that and of course I got the WHat you don't trust me routine. And if your wife is anything like mine her motto is DENY, DENY, DENY. It's really hard to prove unless you actually find them together. hope this helps

I think this might have been a sign with me a year ago when I confronted the XW about it. I had had a vasectomy two years before our split, but had bought a brand new box of condoms just prior to the operation. I never used any of them. A year and a half later, I was cleaning up, and found one of those condoms still in a wrapper under our bed. I knew where the box was kept, and checked it. There were five condoms left, seven had been used, and I never had used any of them. Pretty obvious, but she denied, denied, denied.<P>Ya think?

Hi Again Rob,<P>Wow, i'm sad to hear about the latest update. And of course by now you know I am going to respond. hehehe<P>Well, I think she has either found someone else or she is wanting to find someone else. At first, I thought there is no way I would go for the every Saturday night thing. Except I would think this would solve your church problem. One part of me says I wouldn't let ex have all the Saturday nights she wants. Then the mom side of me would think "wouldn't it be great to be able to take my children to church every Sunday morning and make sure there relationship with God is on track. Well and then also I have to think, if she is having an affair, whether you give her every Saturday night or not, it won't change things, the affair will still happen. Ok, I "typed" myself right into it, now I'm going more on the side of the kids, I think I would give her all Saturday nights and Sundays.<P>Well, hey if it were me and she was complaining about you not getting them as much as her, I would have to tell her ok fine I'll take the kids and you pay the child support! hehe<P>Wow, I hope you can't see through my mood. My stbxh is driving me crazy today. We are emailing each other back and forth and he's starting to really get to me. We have our own business and we are in the process of shutting it down. I can't wait until it's totally shut down. We are almost there too. Although we are stuck on one major issue with the company.<P>Anyway back to you! I am sure you will handle this just fine. I know it will hurt you if she is dating but I also know that you are strong enough to move on if it is true.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

ONE MORE THING:<P>I would have to also tell her that she has to take all Friday nights.<BR>ANNA

Rob,<P>The first suspicions were aroused when she started accusing me of being unfaithful when I wasn't. She had a couple of women associates who were cheating on their husbands, and she was preoccupied with their affairs, just couldn't wait to get the gossip and repeat it to me. This went on and off for several years before I found out for certain from a mutual aquaintance. I confronted her and she denied, denied, denied. When I gave her OM's name address, phone number, his wife and kids names, she finally admitted it. That didn't do any good, then she just continued the affair wide open. Confrontations just don't work.<P>As far as the kids are concerned, I recommend that you put your social life on hold for now and spend every minute with your kids that you can. I used to take them every Friday night and keep them until Monday morning if I could. Within a year and a half, I had full custody of all three. And I really didn't give a hoot if she was sleeping with an elephant as long as I could make sure my kids were taken care of.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

$1500 phone bill - and stuff.<P>-AD