I was out today and I watched as a family walked through the neighborhood. I lost it. Everywhere I turn, I see togetherness, kids playing with both parents, love...It hurts so very much to be here typing on this dang keyboard while my children sleep at their grandparents, my wife snuggling with my daughter. I miss them. It has to get better. I just feel so very numb now. Why does it seem that there are some MANY others who are happy?<P>Just venting. Man, I really must get together and work on my self and give my marriage ever possible chance. Balance. I need balance, consistency and some love. Dang I hate this rollercoaster

Yep, I hate that everyone else seems to be in a good relationship except me. I had the flight attendants on the plane saying how good I was for travelling with my kids without my H....HA! I wanted to scream at the HEY! YOU THINK I'D BE DOING THIS IF I HAD A CHOICE?<P>It sucks, but yes we have to be strong, because WS's are weak.

Rob,<P>Yep, it hurts major big time!!! Even if I want the divorce, I never wanted to be divorced. Does that make sense? I just constantly wonder why I never noticed so many happy families before.<P>ANNA<P><BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{RobC}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{RobC}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{RobC}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Here's a lotion kleenex for your tears. I'll just sit here with you for a while and hand you tissues while you cry and vent a bit. Okay? <P>Yeah, it hurts to see happy couples. Makes me feel like a failure because I can't make my marriage happy. <P>Would you like me to pass you a chocolate?<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Robc...<P>I just had the same thoughts today when I took my 2 year old daughter to the playground. There I was, Mr. Mom along with 4 other married and happy parents. They were all enjoying their time with their children (as was I), but my wife was missing. It caught me off guard and I had a burst of anger in me that wanted to explode. There I was, almost embarrassed because I was the only single parent at the playground.<P>Just like you, I need to vent some times and let off some steam. I realize though that we can only control our own emotions and actions. What our spouses contribute to our relationship is totally their problem. Enjoy your time with your children and be proud that you are there for them. You are doing so much better than most...you are making sure your priorities are in line and that starts with your children.<P>Kudos to you...and keep on with the positive mental attitude. It will take you a long way!

YES!!!!!!!!! Even after a year. I think it stings even a little more now. I like being on my own but I would rather have someone to share my life with.<P>JIll<P>------------------<BR>live for today for there may not be a tomorrow

<BR>No, but that *could* be because 1.) I left him, and 2.) I am not alone now. Hard to say if it would hurt had he done the leaving, or if I was not in a relationship. Probably.<P>What DOES hurt is seeing other parents, moms and/or dads, with their kids, when I don't have mine. It was the hardest this summer when parenting time was split 50/50 and there were so many times I had to go places without them, missing them terribly, after four years with them constantly at my side.<P>I didn't have my son the evening of his school's open house, and seeing his classmates with their parents was just about unbearable, I stayed long enough to meet his teacher and talk to two others, then left. My son would have been SO excited to be there ... yet his father didn't show up with him.<P><P>------------------<BR>T-L-C<BR>------------------<BR><I>"You don't really know a person you love until they don't love you anymore.<BR>Then you know more than you ever wanted to."</I>

dear robc,<P>yes it hurts me so much that i can't even watch romance on television... i get jealous of ficticious characters!!! how crazy is that?? <P>i feel like such a looser... like a failure... so alone... so empty... i hate seeing love, and feeling like i don't have any... <P>especially now... OMG...

YESSSSS!<P>I sometimes sit in church and see guys with their arms around their wife - with their kids sitting with them and they seem so united - so comfortable and at peace. Also, in stores - just walking and holding hands. W hasn't let me do that in ages and ages (and we've only been married less than 3 years). Then I think about the lost dreams - the crushed ideals. Why not me - even the guy at church who married a few months before me - and his W got breast cancer (at only 32) and went through all that. She survived - and they sit in church with their 2 kids and he's a deacon now and maybe I'd rather have that - a cancer survivor who loves me and wants to do the things that please me - than a healthy wife who doesn't care about me at all - and might just decide to stay married to me "because she's used to me" - and "suffer all her life", as she puts it. Thanks, that makes me feel just GREAT. <P>-AD

"You don't really know a person you love until they don't love you anymore.<BR>Then you know more than you ever wanted to."<BR>I agree with that quote T-L-C<P>It hurts very much to see happy couples and families. I hate when I am out with my H or my family and see others laughing and having a good time. And there I am wishing to be anywhere but near this person that until a few months ago I loved more than life and felted loved by. <P>So Robc just go ahead and vent and eat all the chocolate you want. I dont know any better way to ease the pain.<P>

RobC,<BR>I feel for you, I've been divorced about a year and a half and let me tell you, at first it hurt for a long time to see happy couples and I envied it. I loved watching them and hope that someday I will find that harmony with someone special. It was difficult for me to be alone after 16 years of marriage because I always had my girls. My girls are 16 & 15 and very active in sports, marching band, golf, basketball, softball, etc..... If it weren't for good friends at the games, I don't know how I would have made it. At first my X would come up to me and say things like "What are you doing here, you should be ashamed of yourself", etc...... he was extremely hurt because I had an affair and left him and he lashed out every chance he got. I had been emotionally abused for many years and was emotionally withdrawn from the marriage, long before the affair. I tried to stay in it until the girls graduated, but just couldn't.<P>I have really only dated 1 guy for about 6 months, broke it off and now, I am perfectly happy by myself. Yes, I do get lonely, but I have many friends I call upon and just go have a beer with, female and male. I spend a lot of time with my girls and their friends. I work 2 jobs and that helps the loniness, plus I get to socialize with people because I work at a nice steak house a couple of times in the evening.<P>It does get better, but right now you have to focus on having a good time and getting to know yourself and what makes you happy. I keep my head high and remind myself that I am much happier now, than I was with my X. The hardest part is the touching, kissing and holding someone everynight, but I've gotten used to it. The sad thing is, I think men are scared of me because I am very confident and secure with myself and I am O.K. being alone. Only God knows my destiny and one day it will be my turn. Hang in there and rely on your friends.

Rob,<P>I remember when stbx first left, my sister came into town with her H and their 6 year old twins. We went to Disneyland and it hurt a lot. Seeing the families, the young lovers, I felt so alone. Going to school activities and seeing kids with both parents holding hands hurt. Well, after 6 months of stbx being gone, I went out on a date, it was fun, nice to be with someone who held intelligent conversations, had an interest in me, etc. I am still friends with that guy, he was great help to my kids and myself in letting go of stbx. It's been over a year since stbx left now, and I am involved with someone rather seriously. I still hurt about the destruction of a family, but I have realized how wrong it was. The kids and I are coming out of many layers of emotional, mental, and in some cases, physical abuse. I still see couples and it hurts, not because of my loss of stbx anymore, but because it really was never there with us to begin with. <P>Lori

Yes, it does hurt to see other couples together. It is built into every human being to want to share themselves with someone. God made each and every one of us that way. I firmly believe, however, that one can jump too soon into a new relationship; that is why adulterous affairs almost never last. The WS is using the O/M or O/W as a crutch because they are too insecure or weak or whatever to stand on their own. I am not even divorced yet but I do know that yes, I want to have a new relationship but I know it's too early. I want, and deserve, a man who truly loves me and allows me to be who and what I am. We all deserve that. It is part of what makes us human, the desire to share ourselves with someone who will take the time to listen to our stories, laugh at our jokes, pick us up when we feel down, make love with us like there's no tomorrow, adore us unconditionally. The thing is, you should get what you give. If you treat someone that way, they in turn should want to treat you that way. In my case, I gave until I had nothing left to give. My stbx is a taker and a user. He hasn't a clue how to let someone in his heart and share himself completely. There are always ulterior motives and conditions. That's not love. I'm not sure I know what love is, but I have learned the hard way what it is not.<P>I sincerely hope you and your wife can work things out. If not, don't despair. You will find love again when you aren't looking and least expect it and probably where you aren't looking and least expect it.<P>"Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives."

It does hurt an awful lot to see the happiness that others have with there spouses or significant others. I find it hard now because of being pregnant and everyone looking for another person to be with me and my son and unborn child.<P>I think a lot of times it hurts the ones who wanted a divorce as bad as those who do not. (I am one who does not want this to happen) I wish everyone in this world could be happy....<P>I loved what you said toolateforme...Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives."<P><BR>Good luck and I hope it works out for ALL of us<P>K

Some days I don't even feel like leaving my apartment because everywhere I look, I see happy couples holding hands, talking, and enjoying each other. It is a painful reminder of how things used to be in my life, and a knife in the gut because I know they probably will not be that way again between me and my wife. I go to clubs to listen to good music and hang out with friends and my feelings intensify to the point where I become so bitter I actually wish some of my pain on others. That is not right and it is not healthy. I am trying to Plan A my butt off, but sometimes it all feels like a waste of time. Meanwhile, life goes on. Or, it goes on for everyone but me. I feel as if I'm standing still while the world races by. <P>I once read this line in one of my favorite books and it applies to my situation. I think of my wife in this way.<P>"There is no pain greater than losing something before its true value is known."<P>I lost my wife, for all intents and purposes, months ago even though she only left me two months ago. Until I saw this empty place, I never knew what a huge part of my life and my heart she had occupied. It hurts to know that someone else will have the opportunity to maker her happier than she was with me. It hurts to know that I didn't make her happy enough. It just hurts to see happiness...and know that I have none.<P>------------------<BR>Don't look back. You never know what is gaining on you.