Everyone had such different reactions, I wanted to be close to family, stbx wanted protection. He got out his guns, loaded them and kept them close by. What do you guy think about that?<p>[ October 24, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

Not this males, I live suburbs of Detroit, and on the landing pattern to the 5th busiest airport in the world, and a stones throw from the worlds biggest arab community outside the middle east. It was my wife who made me go out at 9pm and fill up with gas (and yes there were lines, and raised prices in michigan), that was the extent of our preparations. Thoughts such as your H never crossed my mind, and I am ex-army (special forces), I think he has a screw loose. Loaded guns are DANGEROUS.

Actually Anna, I think he had a normal reaction..had I still had my guns..I'd have had mine loaded too..and think about this..your in Houston..NASA is in Houston..how many other Military installations are there??? And not knowing where all these terrorist are..they could have had bombs anywhere <BR>and everywhere set up around the country..ready to attack from within..soooo....I think his reaction was normal..<P>My stbx got drunk..the kids had called him to ask him to come over but he was too drunk to even do that for them..<BR>I know he was drunk because when they got mad they handed me the phone to talk to him..<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sad_n_lonely:<BR> Loaded guns are DANGEROUS.[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Only in the wrong hands..loaded guns that are just there<BR>aren't dangerous..unless someone picks them up to shoot..<P>

I thought about being armed and ready but decided to keep them stowed instead. If there was a real threat I think there would be enough time to prepare yourself. Personally, I don’t think you should keep loaded weapons around children.

Thorned Rose,<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Actually Anna, I think he had a normal reaction..had I still had my guns..I'd have had mine loaded too..and think about this..your in Houston..NASA is in Houston..how many other Military installations are there??? And not knowing where all these terrorist are..they could have had bombs anywhere and everywhere set up around the country..ready to attack from within..soooo....I think his reaction was normal.. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>hmmmm, what could you do with a gun in this situation. . . <BR>lets think:<P>you could shoot down the airplane. . . . . .<BR>you could shoot the terrorist before he got on the plane . . .<BR>you could stand ready to protect your house with your gun while everyone else helps out the injured. . . . <P>you could shoot the car with the car bomb. . . . . <BR>you could shoot whatever looked like a bomb. . . . <BR>you could guard the car with the car bomb. . . . <P>geez, I really don't see how having a loaded gun could help in this type of situation . . . .<P>help me out with this one. . . . . <P>

<B>EXACTLY</B> sWIFTTy... <P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

tr, there has to be a threat for there to be any need for a loaded gun, there were no more threats yesterday than there were any other day. Suicide planes and car bombs do not a threat make (as far as loading up your gun). The odds are the loaded gun is more of a threat than any defensive releif it provides. Any yes a loaded gun just sitting is not much of a threat itself, but someone has to handle it, and someone unauthorized may handle it....that is why police officers, fbi agents, military personel are (and/or their families, friends, innocent bystanders) regularly injured by their firearms. I hear what you are saying, but unless your think someone is gonna bust your chops right soon, there is little net benefit to being armed. A good dog is much safer, and more effective.

Anna,<P>What's his background? Has he been a victim of crime or violence or has anyone close to him?<P>I don't think the guns are any use - and probably dangerous - and give the kids the wrong idea even if they are not physically dangerous.<P>However... hypervigelent behaviour is not uncommon for people who have been in war or suffered other violence.<P>-AD

TO AD FROM ANNA<P>AD,<P>First time anyone has ever used the term hypervigelent behaviour. In the past my friends have used the term "screw loose" though. <P>A light just went off in my head. I have always excused a lot of my husbands behavior by feeling sorry for him because his past. He's always insisted there was never physical abuse, but I have always wondered if there was. He was abandoned by his father, never even saw him until he was an adult and married to me. His mother is schizophrenic and went into an insane asylum (sp?) when he was very very young. So he was raised by his Aunt and Grandmother. His grandfather was very verbally abusive to his aunts. He witnessed this and usually when his grandpa would come home, he would run to his room and hide under his bed. This kind of made me wonder about when he was under that bed. What was going on in a little boys mind? Was he thinking of what he would do and how he would be prepared if his grandfather's rage got out of control?<P>Now, it all makes sense as to why he always feels this need to be prepared and protect himself in case things gets worse. I also made me think of the day he attacked me. I had hit him with papers on the arm for him calling me a b***h. I didn't want to hurt him it was just a swat and a "hey, don't call me that" He says he was cut by the paper on his arm, but actually I think it was in the attack afterwards my engagement ring cut him. Oh well, mute point how he got cut. Anyway he insist to this day, it was all self defense and he had to hit me over and over to defend himself. He says any jury would have seen his side. BTW, he's almost double my size. <P>Just saying the word hyperviglent made me really think about his behavior and his comments through our marriage. I got on google and read some material regarding hypervigelent behaviour. While his behavior is mild. I do see many similarities. He constantly has to be on guard and has problems relaxing. He has a fear that people will take advantage of him in some ways. He has a mild paranoia regarding people and their intentions. He is usually even paranoid of my actions and good intentions. He has a feeling there is always an angle and people have alterior motives.<P>Well, this did shed new light on the subject, but now I'm thinking "ok, so I know a little more about his mental state, I can't really do anything about this, so what good is this doing me now. If I tell him any of this he will just get defensive and angry at me and I've decide a long time ago that I will avoid as much contact or confrontations with him." <P>Ok here's a questions for everyone...I was thinking of emailing this to the psychologist he goes to though. Would that be a mistake to do that?<P>I really do want him to be healthy and to get better. I want this for him and also for my children. They need a healthy father.<P>Thanks,<P>ANNA<P>

Anna,<BR>When I read your post, I laughed and remembered something my X did when we were married during a tropical depression that was just weird . I live very close to you (League City). He is a police officer, very protective and only feels secure if he has a gun with him at all times. We were once going through a tropical depression in 1989 and we heard on T.V. that a tornado was headed in our direction, he grabbed a mattress from the girls bed and made us go to the bathroom, get in the tub and he covered us with the mattress. He went outside with his gun. I said "What are you doing?" "Are you going to shoot the tornado or what?" I was so stunned, I didn't know what to think. He said, "There might be looters out." I just thought, you are crazy.<P>The last set of bad rain storms we had, he was on the phone with my 16 yr old daughter and she was all panicky because the weather was so bad and she had just gotten home. A tornado was reported about 40 miles west of League City and he told her to tell me to go stand outside so the tornado would take me away. How cruel is that? I just looked at her in disbelief and didn't say a word. She jumped all over him and said that was rude. But that is the way he is, so it didn't bother me.<P>Your posts are very positive and I enjoy reading them. I've been divorced about a year and a half. Some of our story is very similiar except I only went through emotional abuse never physical. If you need a friend or would like to talk via email, my address is kmorris@cei-crescent.com

To Elliot 45,<P>Oh wow you made me laugh too. Only problem was when I was reading this part "What are going to do shoot the tornado?" I had just taken a drink of my coke...<P>Well I made note of your email and will email you soon. I think it's cool you live so close. <P>Hey btw, your story of the mattress brought back memories of my dad. Every time there was bad weather he'd put a mattress at an angle in the hallway and make us all get under it until the storm passed.<P>About standing outside with the tornado coming...How insensitive! That was a very cruel thing for him to say and especially to your daughter.<P>Thanks for being so sweet about my postings. Also, I know verbal abuse can be so incredibly hurtful!<P>Take care neighbor!<BR>ANNA<P>

I listened to Focus on the Family today and Dobson had some good comments about dealing with the children. He said to give the children extra hugs and do everything possible to make them feel safe. They take their cues from their parents. If the parents act scared or worried, the kids will do the same. He suggested that the incident be explained by telling the kids this world has evil people who do evil things. Remind them that they are safe right now and they will continue to be safe because you love them and will protect them. You can leave out the part that we all know as adults, that anything can happen at anytime that will affect our lives. <P>There's no denying that part of our history includes "minutemen", the men who grabbed their own weapons at a moment's notice in order to fight for our country. The tone of your post doesn't describe a patriotic motive here. If the motive is protecting his home and his family, that's one thing. If his actions result in an accidental shooting or in traumatizing your kids, that wouldn't be very protective, would it. I think if he has a cool head, solid safety training with weapons, and your family's best interests at heart, I would feel safe with him. If he's being hotheaded or refusing to listen to your point of view, I wouldn't leave your kids, your H and his guns under the same roof.