I wrote this to SEM, in GQII (?) and I wanted to share it with you and your wife. Please show it to her, as it may help you both, if you apply it to your own situation. I, like lots of others here would really like to help you two. I keep remembering the comments you both made on the night of the tragedy somewhere, it was so sweet, so I think there's such hope for you guys.<P><B>Someone in another post said that your W may have told you because she felt she could trust YOU enough to deal with this. From my own experience, my H didn't tell me a lot of stuff because he didn't trust my reaction to it, KNEW I would never get over it, LB on him big time, and also he would hurt me. Also there was an element in him that felt I didn't need to know everything, so he kept secrets from me, which I found out about anyway, and this was far more hurtful than if he had told me. You have to remember that the logic of a WS is not sound, and to some extent, based on selfishness.<P>BUT, you ask how you are going to get over this. You have to want that. You have to look deep in yourself and find if there can be forgiveness and trust for your wife. And this is a process, it will take you some time to accomplish.<P>Let me share what happened with me. I finally came to a point that I knew the situation was not improving for me because I would not forgive or trust. Note I said WOULD not, not COULD not. It was tearing me apart, I was suspicious of everything my h did.<P>One day I had quite a talk to myself, which ended with the realisation that I could not go on with the marriage if I could not truly forgive. And I DID want my marriage. So, 8 months after D-Day, I decided to let it go.<P>But 8 months was too long for my h...he couldn't handle my anger, constant questions, suspicions, my fears he would do it again and all the rest. Two days after I told him that finally our marriage could move forward, because I forgave him truly in my heart, he told me he was leaving me. He could not trust me to stick to this after 8 months of living hell, for both of us.<P>The sooner you can come to terms with this and let it go, really let it go, the sooner you will heal, and your marriage too. I believe your wife told you all because she trusts you can do this. If you want your marriage enough, you will.<P>Just my thoughts</B><P>Forgiveness applies to you both, you know.<BR>