One year ago today I sat, 7 months pregnant, in my attorney's office, signing the papers that would allow him to file my divorce complaint.<P>One year later, this morning, I was startled awake by my 10 month old daughter's screams of pain (gas pains woke her) and had to disentangle myself from my husband's arms in order to reach her.<P>We are now 2.5 months into recovery.<P>Last night my husband told an old friend that he had left the OW, and returned home. He told that friend that being home with me was far better than he had ever imagined it and that he is happy.<P>Am I happy?<P>I don't know. I told my husband that for today, I am content and that's enough.<P>Our 11 year anniversary is in 2 days.<P>What a wild journey I have been on!!!!<BR><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Good for you!!!!

Wow, I hope it turns out like that for all of us here, who want it!

Sounds like things are looking up. Wish they were for me right now. Hang in there and take things day by day.

Somebody, somewhere find this lady about twelve dozen long stemmed roses, our finest restaurant, and a case of our finest sparkling champagne!<P>BR, gotta love what you are doing. You make me want to stand up and cheer!<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper<P>PS: BR's Husband If you are reading this, a single long stemmed rose once in a while would have done the trick.<BR>

You are an inspiration! On August 10, 2001 I found myself filing divorce papers against my husband not because I wanted to but because I felt I had to in order to protect my children and myself financially. I wasn't seven months pregnant, however, I was the mother of a 16 day old baby girl, our youngest of four. Her father had announced he was sure he wanted a divorce and was going to see the OW publicly when she was 6 days old. Since then I am trying to continue to plan A it but it has had its ups and downs. He is still with the OW but I sense problems. Hearing your story gives me hope. Congratulations!<P>K

thanks everyone. I almost hesitated to post my anniversary update, but then realized, that there were many many times that I had absolutely no hope. After I lost hope, I realized that I'd be fine....marriage or no marriage.<P>And once I had faced those fears, and learned those lessons, THEN my marriage was given another chance. I'm a completely different person now, from what I was when this started 2 years ago.<P>I think if I had remained weak, and scared, and clinging - that I'd be divorced now.<P>Plan A can work during a divorce, even if you are the one filing!<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Good for you; God bless ya. Thank you for posting this.

((((((((((BR))))))))))))<P>I was wondering how you were doing. I'm happy for you. Big hugs and prayers. Dana<BR>

Oh BR... I've been thinking about you. I'm so elated to hear your news about recovery. I wish you could really coach me like you did this Spring through this stuff...<P>Your words stating: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>And once I had faced those fears, and learned those lessons, THEN my marriage was given another chance. I'm a completely different person now, from what I was when this started 2 years ago.<P>I think if I had remained weak, and scared, and clinging - that I'd be divorced now.<P>Plan A can work during a divorce, even if you are the one filing!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I just can't believe what a woman you are... when did you have this turn around... what I mean is turning away from weakness, fear and clingyness...? It's so very hard and I just feel that maybe I should be the one to file for divorce so that I'm not living in this ambiguity forever!<P>My H even talks about wanting to go on another overseas stint... living in two separate places but going together with the kids. I stand baffled... something I'm doing is just making him to d*Mn comfortable, or that's how I feel anyway.<P>Take care.<P>Nicole<BR><P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

Bramble!<P>Yay! I'm so glad to see a post from you, so even though it's late, I had to jump in. I miss you!! I miss your wisdom and encouragement and sharing. I see you now and then hanging out on Recovery, but I still miss ya!<P>Yeah, it's true, you and I are oldies around here, but I am so very happy for you and proud of you. What a woman you are! It's amazing. It has been SUCH a journey, hasn't it? Two years ago, if someone had said "X Y and Z will happen and you will grow like you never have before" I would have thought they were nuts! And I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know that, for me, a good part of my growth as a person, as a wife, and as a woman, was directly because of you. I especially loved your post "Detaching with Love" and some of your AA posts. BOY they sure hit home, and I appreciated them more than you will ever know or understand. Okay, we're twins, so maybe you DO know.<P>Sooooo..., Bramble, it may be that one year ago you filed for divorce, but I'm taking this opportunity of your anniversary to let you know that you have made a BIG difference here. You have helped countless folks, but more specifically, YOU HAVE HELPED ME. I am so thankful for you, and now your anniversary gives me a happy excuse to hug you and let you know. You know I mean this from the bottom of my heart when I say that I am so happy for you and proud of you--but I'm also proud of your H too. It's not easy to recover (God, don't I know!), and you are BOTH working very hard. <P>Happy one year anniversary, twinney; love ya!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Hi BR!!!<P>"One year later, this morning, I was startled awake by my 10 month old daughter's screams of pain (gas pains woke her) and had to disentangle myself from my husband's arms in order to reach her." <P>Reading this paragraph is the BEST!!!! <P>All best to you and your family, you are a heck of a gal and an inspiration to us all!<P>Gayle<BR>

What wonderful news! It is great to hear of the recovering marriages. You were a great inspiration to us, and following the growth all of us have done over the past year is so interesting to look back on.<P>Lori

hi guys ~<P>Dana, I've been following you too - I'm sorry to hear about your latest news, but I'm impressed at your strength to walk away from the mess. ((hugs))<P>Nicole ~ I don't know if I'm any good as a coach - I'm still fumbling along myself. My answers don't work for everyone, I just know what worked for me. And ya know what? I didn't recover this marriage all by myself. It's not something I had any control over whatsoever. Instead, I thank God daily for changing my husband's heart. At the last second, when my H had to make a decision, I had become someone he was willing to take another chance with. But I didn't do this - God and my H, along with my own hard work on myself somehow ended up with this outcome. My H very well could have walked the other way anyway - good lord, I was making it easy enough for him to do so. There's plenty of wonderful, good people on this board who's spouses didn't turn back. So it's not that I did something right and everyone else did something wrong. <P>CJ!!! I'm so glad that something I've had to say has helped you. YOU have helped ME many times!! What an awesome place the internet can be! And yes, you should be proud of my H too, he's working at this. I can't tell you how many times my stomach has started to flutter as I became sure that he was up to his old tricks, only to have him walk in the door at the exact right time, or call, or whatever. He's given up every single bit of privacy to me, and I know for him it was a really tough thing to do.<P>And I want to say thank you again, for popping in on my thread over on recovery about all my insecurities over what the OW looked like. Thanks for being a cheerleader when I needed one!<P>But our boys are much happier. And our little daughter is a real daddies girl. What a princess!!! <P>Ragamuffin, bangarra, familyman, ~ thanks! <P>PS. Oh yeah, and as I type, I'm wearing my new necklace that my H gave me at dinner for our 11th anniversary today! <P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I><P><p>[This message has been edited by BrambleRose (edited September 15, 2001).]

I'm so thankful to hear about this! God did change your H's heart and your family has been restored! I truly stand in awe! I can't believe it... yet, I can! You make a good point, it does take two and without that, it won't happen. I truly believe there are lots of good people on this board whose stories don't end like yours... it's hard to understand yet, we have to move forward in trust.<P>Warmly!<BR>Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~