Help! I've been planAing for about a month now right after I found out about the affair. Things were going okay I even made her doubt she wanted to get out of our marriage. Yesterday, WS came to me and said she is moving out by the end of the month to Denver to move in with OM. We live in Aspen. She has only known the sob for two months and now she is quiting her job, has nothing else lined up, and giving me absolutely everthing in the house except her clothes and the cats. She has even begun preceedings for getting the divorce papers together. She admitted that she has no bitterness, anger, resentment etc. towards me and says I'm even a really good guy. She even said that over the past month that I have met every EN that I wasn't before. Yet she can't give me one reason why she won't give our marriage a second chance. It just seems like she is running away. The bad thing is I can't afford to live here if she moves out which means I will have to move back to the state we moved here from. Which means goodbuy and no chance to keep on planAing or anything. HELP!!! I need advice!!!!!!

The only thing you can do is take care of yourself, yo have no control over her. Keep plan A'ing as long as you can and take life one day at a time, it can turn around. take care of yourself<P>

First, a big, old wild west howdy from the Mile Hi City. Dude, I think we are neighbors (well, compared to my friends who live in Nebraska). <P>Second, take a breath. A long, slow relaxing breath. Count to 7 going in through the nose--hold for 3--count to 10 going out through the mouth. Feel a little bit better?<P>Now, GoodGuy, she is running away BECAUSE you are meeting every need, and somehow she needs to "prove" to herself that the OM is her "soulmate." I know--it's cr*ppy to hear and I'm sorry to have to say it. It's all part of the process, but that doesn't make it hurt any less, does it? Goodguy, jabber's advice is excellent. You can NOT control her, and there is nothing you can do to MAKE her stay. What you CAN do, though, is control yourself. Keep on going with your Plan A--it's working. Try to remain calm and avoid LBs. You have 15 days to be the husband that God intended for you to be. You have 15 whole days to be the man that you have the potential to be. Use every single day and every single hour as wisely as you can, and I guarantee you, we will ALL pray for you and your wife. Okay?<P>I hate to have to tell you this, but she may have to move to Denver, live some real life with the OM, come to realize that the grass is not greener on his side of the septic tank, and then have the courage to come back to you in Aspen. Is there any way you could delay her--don't tell her she can't go, but ask her if she will wait until (insert some significant date here--like birthday, end of next month for rent purposes, etc.) or if she could commute up to Aspen on weekends and just not file for divorce yet. Brainstorm. Think of legitimate reasons to keep her in contact and then USE EVERY MINUTE. Do you see what I mean? GoodGuy, this is a horrendous possibility (but one I had to live through) that you may have to Plan A your spouse while she goes to live with the OP for a while. <P>In the meantime, she may not have the courage to even try to stay. I don't know. Even if she doesn't stay, keep Plan A-ing for yourself. Remember, Plan A does not mean becoming a doormat for your selfish spouse. It means becoming the man that you can be--the loving husband that you can be--and the godly person that God made you to be. Rise to the challenge. Love her in a situation where you have every right to hate her. Be kind to her when she is being unkind to you. Teach her how to be a thoughtful and gentle lover by your example. Get it? And the beauty is, even if she does not have the courage to stay and face you--LOOK AT THE MAN YOU WILL HAVE BECOME. <P>Okay, it's crash course time. You are in months one, two and three. Look at my timeline, GoodGuy. Those were HARD months. My H hated me, not because I was worthy of hate, but because he loved another and had to convince himself that what he was doing was okay. This is your fire. Now, SHOW her that you are pure gold. <P>CJ<P>P.S. In case you didn't figure it out, I responded to your timeline thread too. But dude, it's midnight now and I MUST go to bed!<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

FaithfulWife.<P>Thank you so much for your kind words and encourgement neighbor. I think some of the major pain and confusion comes from not knowing why WS is doing what she is doing. From reading other post its almost like the people we married become possessed. I look at her and wonder what she did with the person I married. Thanks for the great advice. I really don't think I can delay her. She's the type once she decides on something no matter what it is she's going to do it. I am going to put off for a little while moving out of state once she leaves. I think you understand how hard it is to live in this valley. <P>Thank you for your prayers, they will be returned. This is just to vent. My biggest problem is why she won't even give this a second chance. She even said our marriage was good, she's has no bitterness towards me, no anger, I didn't do anything wrong, I'm a wonderful person etc. she just unintentionally fell in love with another person. But if that is true why not a second try at us???? She DOESN'T have an answer!!!!! How can you not have an answer to that! Okay venting done. THanks again CJ. You've helped me understand a little of what's going on. Take care of yourself

Hi Goodguy,<P>I responded to you over in Plan A/Plan B forum.<p>[This message has been edited by Nina too (edited September 15, 2001).]