Hi all,<P>Would love to have an update on how everyone's doing?<P>ANNA<p>[ October 22, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

Well, I think it was very caring of you to send this letter and I can understand why you didn't want to sit in front of the man and air all of this. You are still in extreme pain, and you must take heart in the fact that you had the guts to get out of it. <P>And now you are showing compassion for your stbx ( by the sounds of it!) and trying to let the psychologist get a grip on the reality of the situation. Because you surely know your H will not tell the full story, and he can only be healed if he is honest.<P>I only hope he never finds out about the letter.<P>Gotta go to bed now, so I'll catch up tomorrow. <P>Bye Anna,<P>Jacky

at the risk of being judgemental, insensitive and uncompassionate as you were in your reply to a post to a new member, i will just say that it would be a good idea to check your motive for wanting to air all of H's dirty laundry in the form of a letter(in leiu of face to face contact)and your unwillingness to see a counselor...<P>i don't know much about your abusive relationship, the status of your desires to reconcile, etc. but i do recognize plenty of resentment and bitterness... and a lot of tattle telling...(the reason i recognize it is because i have done it and it isn't nice). <P>I have been abused in my marriage (physically, nentally and emotionally) I also particpated in the abuse (mental and emotional). i never co-sign any type of abuse, so let me say i am not defending any man that would put his hands on his wife, but i also do not co-sign the anger and bitterness that seems to prevail no matter how much one believes they have forgiven...<P>You do need to go to counseling... Not for him but for you. You will be hard pressed to be free of the bondage you are currently in if you don't... Anger and bitterness is like a cancer. it will eat you from the inside out...<P>Get free, seek help.<P>

hey sis,<P>i hope you don't get offended, but i think it was very wrong for anna to send this letter to her husbands counselor... While i am sure her motive was not to do this, she did try to control her husbands therapy and put some things in the mind of the counselor becaus she believed the husband would not tell the truth. Which, he very well may not do. He may sugar coat and down play this abuse, because my ex has done it. But when do we trust God to take care of those WS. When to we trust God to take care of us. Some things should be left up to God and not to our own devises...<P>Like i said in my e-mail to you, Proverbs 3 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path".<P>please don't take this as being hollier than Thou, because i have trouble in this area as well, but if we all minister to each other, tell the truth and share in love, we can make it... But we can't do anything without God...<P>I guess this whole attack thing has mad me look at my spiritual life a little deeper... I wish everyone would...<P>God Bless...<P>I love you Jacky and I am sorry if I offended you Anna..<P>With sincere love,<P>kim...

Thanks for all the updates.<P>ANNA<p>[ October 24, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

anna,<P>when i referred to airing dirty laundry i was referring to the fact that you sent that letter to his counselor who does know him... and how could i possibly condemn you for talking about h in this forum when i am doing the same thing. i am only saying that i felt it was controlling. he asked you to talk to him, but he did not ask you to write to him, which BTW you don't want him to know that you wrote so what does that tell you?<P>and i know that writing takes the vulnerability out of it. he can't see you or respond to you. it makes it safe. and controling. it is God's job to utlimatly correct and protect our spouses and thier behavior and taking matters into our own hands not only demonstrates a lack of trust that God will take care of it, but it is controlling.<P>i must admit that i was somewhat taken aback by your approach to reply to a post of a new member. even though our friends and family appreciate and reapect our candor many strangers can view it as harsh and judgemental. I am a stanger and i am a very candid person... but, i try to remember that the Lord wants us to use discrestion accompanied by comapssion at times and i am guilty of falling short in the discrestion area. I am by no means a perfect person or a know-it-all...<P>i read your second response to the new member. then i felt bad for being so harsh to you.. that is why i attempted to apologize in another post. <P>finally, this is not to disagree with you or the professionals you have sought to counsel with, but nobody "has it all together". nobody... everybody has issues and needs help in some area(s) in thier life. i can and do understand you not wanting to go see your h's counselor. and i do believe that somebody told you, you have it all together, but from the sound of your replies and threads there is still some deep wounds...you know, my ex h thinks he has it all together too. and he thinks that our marriage failed only because of me. none of this is true. again, i say, nobody but nobody has it all together... and everyone plays a part. not in the cheating necessarily (you would probably disagree with my theory on that too)but in the overall demise.<P>and again i am sorry for stepping on your toes. i hope that you can forgive me.<P>sincerely,<P>kim...

Kim,<P>Already forgiven!!! I will take your suggestions to heart and from now on I will try very hard to be more sensitive towards first time posters.<P>Love,<P>ANNA<p>[ October 22, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Anna2000:<BR><B>Kim,<BR>Anyway, we really really got off on the wrong foot. So, now forgetting everything that has been written before, I would like to say this....Hi, I am Anna and I am glad to meet you Kim....Isn't this the first time we've ever talked...<P>Love,<P>ANNA</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> you are good...<P>i still feel that you may have misunderstood my control comment.. but i am going to let if go for now... you are a good person, and i am quite agitated today for some reason. i do understand the fear of rage from the spouse, personally. i am 42 y/o and have been in 3 abusive relationships. so i really understand. trussst me!!! <P>