Hello. I have been going through some hard times lately with my wife. We have been together for almost 14 years and married for 4. I don't know where to begin the story is a long one so I will try to brief it down for your help. In short..My wife says that she loves me but doesn't know if she is in love with me.(I recently found out that she has been having an EA with a co-worker for the past 3 months and that they have kissed. She says that they only kissed once and nothing more.) She tells me that she feels that she needs time to figure out if she wants to be with me. She left me for about 2 weeks over this time and I feel that if she goes again she might as well go for good. I feel that if she doesn't know after 14 years together if she wants to stay with me and talk and try to work this out then she doesn't love me at all. I feel that the 2 weeks she was away I drove myself crazy wondering what it was that I did to make her go. I asked if ther was another and she always answered no. Only later to find out that there was. Sure, maybe I wasn't giving her the attention that she needed but she never talked to me and told me that it was a problem. I am just as bad I too never talked to her about stuff that was botheing me. I feel that we grew comfortable with one another over these years and that we need to go back and fix our relationship. Is this fixable? Can counseling help? She says that she doesn't know if she can get the feeling back. Can she? Will I ever be able to trust her? When she says that she is going out with friends, store, etc..It is not like this guy lives in another state he is right here. He knew we where married. He would call and talk to me on the phone and I would help him with business stuff. We have no kids. Should I end it? Sell our house and that be it? I my heart I want us to work it out but I feel so hurt. I just wish she would have talked to me before all this happened and told me what was wrong. Please if you are reading this and you have problems with your spouse don't be afraid to talk to them. I feel that had we talked about this way befoe we ould have avoided this. Maybe this will make us stronger. I just don't know if she is too far gone. I am looking forward to reading your posts. Thanks

Tripled,<P>read through some of the other posts..and see which ones you can relate most to..and read some of the responses..<P>give her space, but don't push her away, be there for her to talk to..and open up to her..make yourself an appointment w/ a counselor first if you have too..but the best thing you can do for you..is have someone to talk too..that can help you..read through the site on emotional needs..and see if your wife would be willing to go over them with you..<P>Don't smother her w/ all kinds of affection right now because this will just overwhelm her and push her away futher..give her a little space but let her know that your<BR>there if she wants to talk..

Thank you for the response to my post. I have been reading similiar posts. I really believe that they have helped me to understand what happened. We are talking and calling counselors, making appointments. But as I go into this I keep asking myself can she get the love back for me that she once had? Last night we went to dinner then I drove down to the beach and we sat and talked for a few hours listening to the wavs crash and looking at the stars. I asked her if she believed we can work through this and she told me yes. I want to believe her. Then there is the issue if I can work through this knowing that she broke our trust, Thinking that when we are walking and she is quiet is she thinking about the OG, leaving me, wanting to stay, etc... When I go to work and I am coming home I wonder will she be there today? Did she change her mind again ? I just don't know anymore what I hould feel. I can see from our talks how she feels and how I was making her feel. But does she see that she could have came to me and talked way before it went this far? I know that we all make mistakes. I am just confused right now and I really appreciate all the posts that everyone places here to help me out. Thank you for your time and help.

Triple D,<P>From what you are saying, I would say yes she can be in love with you again. There may be moments you feel a huge set back, but I also think, if you can put this in the past and not let it eat you up inside, getting the help you need to make your marriage strong, you guys may have an even stronger love than ever.<P>It is going to take a long, long time for you to regain that trust and feel good in your relationship again, but it's important to heal. <P>I know someone who is letting his wife's affair of many years literally eat him up inside. He will not seek and has never sought counseling. He doesn't intentionally do this, but punishes himself and her for what she did everyday. There is so little affection and trust in there relationship. She begs for him to show her love and affection. To romance her. I just wonder how many more years will they both have to be punished for the mistake she made years ago. I remember him coming to me when the affair first happened (I am talking MANY MANY years ago!!!). He said "I love her, I'll do anything to get her back, just tell me how can I get her back). She did come back, but now he has let this eat him up inside. I don't think she'll ever cheat again, but eventually I think one of them will leave the other. Soooo sad, when I know both only wants the other person. No one else. He refuses counseling, he refuses to listen to ways of working on his marriage.<P>You have made such a great restart by taking her to the beach and talking for hours. By coming on here and reading things. By accepting your marriage needs to change. By knowing you guys need counseling. ALL SO POSITIVE! I think there is more of a chance your marriage will work than less. I'd give it a huge chance of working.<P>Good luck!!!<BR>ANNA<P>[This message has been edited by Anna2000 (edited September 14, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Anna2000 (edited September 14, 2001).]