Why does my WS XW keep prompting me to date?<P>Not her mind you. She just thinks that I should be dating.<P>Divorced April 16th. I'm almost ready to date, but it will happen when it happens for the right reasons. I've almost recovered from the betrayal and divorce, but I have a way to go yet.<P>Can anyone else shed some light on this?<P>BTW, she behaved in a much more reasonable manner today. She apologized for assaulting me by saying she will never touch me again. She said that all she wants now is peace. (like I've been asking for) Granted, she was probably looking for a way for me to allow her to have our D this weekend (my weekend) as she mistakenly failed to pick up D last weekend (her weekend, she miscalculated). She asked me rather than trying to tell me.<P>Kevin<P>

Hi...<P>I was told by a therapist once that the reason the WS.. wants us to.... well as my exh tells me..."get on with it"<BR>and... "move forward...forward...forward" is so that they will not see how much they have hurt us. This helps relieve them of the guilt (if they have any!).<P>I too was divorced on April 11th.... still so hard to believe.....<P>S<P>Scoick

I think she wants you to date so she can think to herself that her betrayal 'wasnt so bad AFTER all' its her guilt that she has refused to deal with until now thats prompting her to tell you to date others. Its about her need to feel better rather than concern for your well being. Thats what I think anyway. My H filed for divorce on me but then later cancelled it. He said during that time he was trying to provoke me into divorcing him to relieve his guilt. But I refused to buy into it. Believe me- he is thanking me now that we are reconciling! I feel for you- do what YOU think is in your own emotional best interests. Take care- lifeismessy

Maybe she thinks that dating will make you "happy?" Perhaps she still doesn't realize that working things out between you might have made you happier... IF that was the case.<P>I think you're doing the right thing by taking it slow. There's no rush to get back out there. Take advantage of time alone to learn more about yourself and your emotional needs and what you have to offer your daughter through your life experiences thus far.<P>Relationships on the rebound never "solve" anything. Best wishes to you!

I think it's a guilt thing...my SIL was really glad her XH got remarried...took away all her guilt about her A.<P>You go about things at your own pace, and anyway she can't tell you what to do now, can she?

Undoubtedly a guilt thing. That's why so many of us (including me) hear "you'll be happier with someone else" or "I'm not the right woman for you." My wife told our C "women always have crushes on him, when he's ready he'll have lots of company." I told her I knew I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life alone, but that wasn't the point.<P>I agree with Jacky- you need to go at whatever pace you're comfortable at, and who cares what she thinks. It amazes me how many WS think they're qualified to give relationship advice.<BR>

FOfOne,<P>I have a different opinion than everyone else on this. So since I am in the minority my opinion is probably wrong, but here goes.<P>I am thinking she is still wanting to know your business. That deep down even though she is encouraging you to date. This is not what she wants at all. Perhaps she is just trying to get out of you the information she needs to know whether you are dating at all. ie., if she says something like, "Are you dating? You really should get out and meet someone?" To me she may be really saying "I wanna know if you are dating, I am being nosey, because I don't quiet wanna give you up totally.<P>Well, just my opinion. I could careless whether my stbx dates or not. I would never ask him if he's found someone else or if he's dating or tell him he should be dating, because I really don't care. Either way is fine with me. If I cared or felt jealous of the thought of him being with someone else, whether I wanted him or not, I would probably just ask him if he were dating, but not wanting him to know I'd be jealous I would add "oh well you should get out, date and have fun." Which, I probably shouldn't do, but could see doing. <P>Take care.<P>ANNA<P>

I agree that it may be a guilt trip on her part, but what Anna2000 says also makes sense, at least to me. My XW has been very insistent that I "find someone new," yet the few times I've gone out with women (even as friends), she has become angry and defensive. <P>I would guess that if you went out on a date, she wouldn't necessarily be as happy as she thinks.<P>I would add that you need to take a <B>long</B> time before you start seriously dating again. I realized that part of my XW's problem is that she jumps from one relationship to another, with no time in between for herself. Learning to live by yourself again makes you more grounded and better off for the "next" one.<BR>