Its been 12 Weeks now since me and the wife separated and all was going quite well. Until today, That is the sinking feeling is back , memories are rushing through my mind, does this ever stop? Will I ever get over my wife leaving me for the OM.After all my wife has put me through why do I still feel like this ? I have been through all the stages Denial , anger , acceptance and now back to depression.<P>My wife has not shown any loss or remorse or any feelings about the loss of me. She has just started a new life with the OM. She really seems to be having a whale of a time , going out with her younger circle of friends parting and taken up Scuba diving which her and the OM are going to the coast this weekend to do some Scuba diving. It just is not fair.<P>I know that I cannot control or change her. But where is the woman that I married ten years ago?<BR>I was attending the Microsoft Teched here in SA the last couple of days and friends of mine asked me to go with them to the after parties which were held after each days sessions. I met a lot of woman, but as soon as they tried to get to personal, I just pulled myself away. I turned cold towards them. Is this normal ?<P>

Hi nowill,<P>It is perfectly natural...after all it has only been 12 weeks...not enough time and anything you did now you would surely regret.<P>I can't help about the depression, however, as I am at the 10 week mark, and so I am in no position to advise you when it goes away.<P>Have you thought of trying to take up a new hobby yourself?

Hi Nina,<P>I hope things are going better with you in OZ than things with me in SA<BR>I have taken up building model airplanes with my kids, I have started my tropical aquarium up again, but non of this has brought back the quality of life I used to have. I also realize that the time period I have been through is still to short ,but I am missing that family life , my kids my wife. I just don’t know any more. <P>I received a phone call from one of my Wife’s friends who got her the job were she currently works +- 6 months ago , AND GUES WHAT , this is where the 25 Year old OM works. Her friend tells me that this affair started 1 month before she told me that we need a break from each other. She also tells me that her and my wife had a fall out over this ,as she told my wife that she was mad to fall for this guy and jepodise loosing her family. She also criticized my wife on her behavior of bringing this man into my house and introducing this man to my children only after 2 days of me leaving. She also said that this was just infatuation that my Wife was going through and that my wife will be back soon , I told her that I would never ever take my wife back as what she has done , Too much water under the bridge .<P>OH well next Tuesday my Wife and Me and our Attorneys are getting round the table to finalize the divorce. Her demands were all rejected by my lawyers and looks like I will only have to pay a third of what she expected to get. ( Jumping for Joy ). She is so bitter about this as this OM earns 1/3 of what I used to earn. So I don’t know where this OM is going to get the other 2/3 to support my Wife’s lust for shopping. ( Luckily its not my problem ). Hahahaha.<P>The only thing that keeps me going on is that every second weekend Ill see my Boys. Its just that the break between these weekends are just so hard to get through.<BR>

Well no wonder you are hurting again with the exfriend filling you in on some extra details. We all hurt every time we find out something else. Still you seem sure you want your marriage to end, and it sound like it will be more in your favour. Does the friend want to be a witness that the affair started before she left you, or doesn't that count in SA? I just found out that nothing counts in Oz, not who left who or why or anything....great huh, if I have to go down that road.<P>Life is tough here, and I'm only just starting to get things together...tonight waiting on H giving me some financial info that I NEED tomorrow...emailed in his morning, and now it's what, past two there? His work day will be finished soon and he still hasn't replied. So giving him every chance to do so I also SMS'd him...bet he doesn't reply. This is a big button for him to push, as I have to talk to his dad in the morning about our finances (FIL is power of attorney here at the moment). I want freedom from this...<P>You are strong, and the stumbles you take along this road will only make you stronger in the end...remember I've seen all you SA guys, is there such a thing as a small man over there??? <P>BTW I heard a rumour that there may be SA involvement in the US tragedy, some investigations in Durban. Have you heard anything about that?<P>You take care of yourself. Do you do any outdoor stuff? What about building one of those remote control planes, your kids and you could have a lot of fun with that, and sometimes, there are clubs you can join.<P>Bye!<P>Jacky

Hi NoWill,<P>Up, down, up, down. That's why they call it the rollercoaster. Just when you think that you are moving ahead all those really yuck feelings creep up on you. My H moved out 6.5 months ago and I still go into deep depression and anger over this. <P>I understand about the meeting people and pulling back. Just the thought of going on a date makes me sick to my stomach. No matter what my STBX is doing I still have a lot of strong feelings about my marriage and the vows I made to be faithful to him until my death.<P>I know it won't make you feel any better but, I can't imagine how this affair of your wife's will survive. I'm sure she was thinking that she would get more financially and so did the OM. He is looking for a free ride. Scuba diving trips and shopping sprees will soon add up, the fights about money will begin. Oh, sweet reality!! IT SUCKS for us and EVENTUALLY for them.<P>Hang in there NoWill.....time and just living through it is all we can do. (((((((((((((NoWill))))))))))))<P>Take Care.

Hey there NWTCO<P>I think tech-ed was great! Met lots of guys too. Parties were fun and sessions with hangovers... need we say more...<P>I think it is normal to feel as you are feeling now. The pain will come and there will be worse days than others. I think I am handling ok now because I'd been preparing for this since last October - I knew he was different when we decided to try again. And even though I desparately wanted it to work I had a feeling things wouldn't work out because of his changed attitude. Disrespectful attitude! But everyday she love busts to you I'm sure you will eventually stop loving her because of the way she treats you. And about the OM - he seems very young - I thought you were about 40? Am I wrong? If there is this huge age gap I think your wife will be let down because he is probably using her for a what he can get out of her - money wise and other....<P>Remember things will work out for you. When you are ready for someone in your life that will happen too.<P>Pantha<P>

Hey Pantha,<P>Where have you been? Been thinking of you! How are things with you? Start another thread if you like, to let us all know.<P>Jacky

HoplessinAZ, Thanks for replying and the advice.<P>Pantha, Tech-ed was a rave and it seems that you enjoyed yourself ( Good for you ) and he is young 8 years her junior, and the worst of it all is that his ExW divorced him on the grounds of him cheating on her. Can you imagine the relationship that is going to exist between him and my Wife ? ( A match made in hell ).<BR>- I thought you were about 40? Im 35 years old and alive and kicking.<P>To add to my frustration our postponed our meeting until tomorrow . I WANT THIS OVER NOW!!!!!.<BR>I have just found out that my so-called loving wife had another affair last October. Doesn’t this surprise me? <BR>Last year in October my Wife asked me if she could go out for the weekend with her girl friends at work to a game ranch. I agreed as I trusted her.Only now to find out from her best friend that Her and a person that I knew went away to the coast and put all of this on my credit card ( I CHECKED THIS OUT TODAY WITH MY BANK AND ITS TRUE )<P>Have I been living in a different world? Have I been to trusting . I just feel so betrayed and so angry.<P>I need some help before I blow up !!!!!!!!!<BR>

NWTCO <P>sorry about the age guess, but yeah you are still alive and kicking and you're going to get through this!<P>Two untrustworthy people in one relationship. What bliss! It is difficult making a relationship work when there is trust so imagine what they still have to go through. Know when reality hits your wife you will be well on the road to 'recovery'.<P>I know the feeling of 'can't it be over already'. But worrying is not going to make it happen any sooner, just take it easy. I hope that you have stopped paying your wife's clothing accounts etc. She needs to know that you are longer going to be supporting her. She needs to start taking responsibility for her actions.<P>About the affair you never knew about... don't torture yourself. She is a weak person, not worthy of your love or affection. It is not your fault that she deceived you. I even think my H might have had other affairs but they were so well hidden that I will never know for certain. I don't want to know. I do know I want to forget about him and move on. Don't think you are any lesser a person because of what she did, that is all about who she is. Let her take nothing from you in that way.<P>Pantha