Anybody have any idea on how to deal with your spouse's tantrums? My H gets very ugly when he is upset, called me names and said many many mean things to me and seldom show any remorse feeling later basically maybe because he thinks that it was my fault. Craps! I don't believe that. I spoke to him about this many many times but he did it again and again. And I begin to feel that I am loosing my love to him and want to out of this marriage. Any idea how to overcome this?

Saskia,<P>I think when your husband is throwing a tantrum you need to remove yourself from the situation. You need to walk away or go in another room (if you can). If you cannot physically remove yourself, then try to realize while the tantrum is happening that it is his problem and not yours. Try not to let his negativity become you. <P>Also, I think maybe he doesn't realize how much he is hurting you. It's easy to be defensive and start arguing. Try not to fall into that trap. Let him know how you feel using "I" statements. Relate the situation to yourself. Example: Insead of saying: you always do this or you are an explative! Try: I am sad/angry/upset. If he says something mean, reply with "That really hurt my feelings" or "I don't like it when you call me names". I don't think he realizes the effect his tantrums have on you. Let him have a tantrum if he wants (you can't really stop it), but don't let him abuse you verbally. Walk away and tell him "I don't think this is a good time to discuss this." Talk to him later when he is calmed down. <P>I hope I've helped. Take good care.

Dear Myra,<P>Thank you very much for your help and YES it helped. You are right, I shouldn't let his tantrums intimidated me. The hurtest part of it was that brought up issues I never aware before e.g money etc. However, it's kinda difficult to remove my self from his tantrums when he blew it on the phone or in the car. Is it okay if I just hang up on him or asked him to drop me off and stop a taxi to drive me home?<P>We talked about it last night. I told him that there was never my intention in controlling him just because I earned more than him but if he got that impression, I apologized. He also apologized for all the things he said. But I knew, that sooner or later this will happen again. He has a bad habit in keeping things for him self and blow up later. He also lack of communication skill so I think I have overcome this.<P>Again, thank you very much.<P>Saskia

Thats not a tantrum. It's abuse.<P>Q<P>------------------<BR>

Thats not a tantrum. It's abuse.<P>Q<P>------------------<BR>