Lori,<P>Happened to see your posting on Just Went Off and would like to ask you. Do you have your own attorney? If you don't then get your own attorney right away. There is no need for you to be abused and intimidated by his attorney. Getting your own attorney will limit most of the contact with this jerk, and your attorney can defend your case for you. <P>Well I feel for you. I know how it feels for someone to try and tell you, your pain isn't all that bad...I was abused by my husband and he is constantly telling me I don't really know what abuse is. Sometimes he says it in a way I really worry about, like some day he may have to just show me what real abuse is. He is sick!<P>ANNA

Anna,<P>I do have my own attorney. She is wonderful and has done great things for me and the girls! I currently have sole custody of the girls and stbx at this time only has telephone contact two times a week, physical visitation to be done in a counsleors office and later stbx may have supervised visitation. Stbx's attorney is just going after me in any legal way he can, yes, it is harrassment, but it is legal. I just found out he called the neighbor's and tried to get them to testify against me, the neighbor told the attorney that he himself hadn't seen anything, but his wife has seen bruises on older daughter's shoulder. Stbx's attorney decided he'd just leave it alone. <P>Stbx thinks I am going to be paying all the attorney fees, so he got one that charges $750 an hour who barks about everything. It is sickening.<P>Lori

Lori,<P>Your stbx will probably get a rude awakening with a huge bill he will have to pay himself. This will be funny since he went out of his way to find the most expensive attorney.<P>It may be different where you are, but I have heard here in Texas, often times the spouse who has to pay child support usually is the one who ends up having to pay the attorney's fees for both. <P>BTW, in Texas it is a no fault state. My husband and I are not rich so it is fairly easy to split things 50/50 and yet he felt it necessary to get an expensive attorney. I was shocked when I found out how much he paid. I paid 1/5 the amount of money for my attorney as he did for his. My attorney laughed when she heard how much he paid and all she could say is "You guys aren't rich, WHY???" Well typing this though I have to think, this is the way he has always been. He has never bought second best, he has always had to buy best. Whether we had money or not. Also, it turns out my attorney has been wonderful. She is always there for me when I need her. When I call her she is there for me. When I have an appointment, I never wait. His attorney is too busy for him, he is frustrated by long waits in his office and never being able to reach him. He is just too little of a fish for his attorney to care. So most expensive, isn't always best.<P>Well good luck with everything!<P>ANNA<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Anna2000 (edited September 14, 2001).]

Hi Anna,<P>Thanks for your thoughts. CA is also a no-fault state and I have been told that I probably will not have to pay his attorney fees. That he makes much more money than I and so he may have to take on some of mine instead. I figure he was the one who wanted the divorce, wouldn't work on it, he should have to pay for it anyway, but that rationale just isn't the way it is. <P>I must say that now I am waiting for it to be over so that we can all go on with our lives. The kids and I don't want him in our lives, he had done so much damage, and of course, it was always my fault. I'm growing stronger all the time and the kids are happier than I've seen them in years. <P>STBX may figure someday what part he played in the destruction of our lives, but it will be a long time coming, and by that time the kids and I will have been so far removed from it all that it won't mean anything anyway. He needs a lot of help, but he's too obstinate to ever think he isn't anything but perfect. I'm afraid he inherited the mental instability of his mother's family.<P>I still don't feel divorce was the right answer, but after what I have found out the past year, it became the only option for the protection of the girls and I. My stbx is a lot like yours in the "value" department, always had to have the biggest and best, then blamed me for the finances. <P>Anyway, got letters from the attorney and I guess I am doing Discovery on Tuesday and the Deposition on Thursday. hopefully can get all the paperwork done and then relax and be able to do my job. It is so silly when it was stbx that had private checking accounts, invested money in things I never heard of, and he had total knowledge of everything I did until this last year. That is why it is harrassment, having to wade through paperwork from 1992 and live through all of the past when stbx has most of it on the computer on a disk anyway. The Deposition is harrassment totally in that I have already put in my declaration the reasons why I wanted a restraining order, and they just want all the original paperwork for that and question me about everything. <P>Gotta go get some work done and then grab the kids for a picnic, have a great weekend.<P>Lori <P><BR>