Welcome Biddy…<P>This is my general welcome post for all new people.<P>This greeting is geared toward people whose spouses had an affair (A), but since it’s general, good advice, it can help your situation as well!! <P>It has a couple of links to many of the most important MB (Marriage Builder) sites.<P>Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies) <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html</A> <P>About your post... <P>Rather than letting go of your marriage, I suggest that you start on a Plan A... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html</A> <BR>Check out this post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.), by a very wise, good friend named NSR (Jim). <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html</A> <P>Plan A is not just for trying to win back a spouse. It is what you should be doing to build/rebuild yourself first... and then your marriage! It is about becoming the person that you have the potential to be-—the person that God intended for you to be! It is about becoming the very best spouse you can be, whether or not your spouse is the best spouse they can be. <P>I will share with you my story a little. My H left me 1 1/2 years ago for another woman--he did have a physical affair with her. When he left, I started to learn the ways in which I had contributed to our problems and made changes for the better to myself. I began to become the woman, mother and wife that God intended for me to be. I had to learn how to forgive the past. I had to learn how to speak up for myself and be brave. I had to do a lot of humbling things. But I also learned how to have joy again, how to find satisfaction and peace within myself, and how to Give when my H was not able to give back to me. You can do it too. <P>If I were to give an intelligent guess, I would say that your spouse's lovebank is empty. You two have tried for years to reach out and try to connect and interact with each other, and eventually neither one of you had anything more to give. Imagine a pitcher of water that is constantly pouring water OUT but never getting a refill of water. It can't keep pouring out forever! Eventually, the pitcher will run dry and it will have to stop pouring out. That's what has happened here. Your spouse poured and poured and poured and finally ran dry. Now your job is not to give up--it is to think of your spouse and REFILL THEIR PITCHER. <P>You will probably have to fill the pitcher for a while without getting anything back to you to fill your pitcher, so be ready for that. It will take some time for your spouse to believe that it's true and that you are sincere, so pace yourself and rest and take care of yourself, and come here for your gripes and for some encouragement. Okay?<P>If you have drifted away from your faith (whatever that may be)consider rediscovering it. This step too, has helped countless marriages and marriage builders. <P>You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.<P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
