What can I say? We are Americans but living in Asia. So the culture is different. The business man is king and nothing is thought of men staying out most the night at "men's clubs" or pubs drinking. And the girls are ready to entice at every turn. <P>I have had a problem mistrusting my husband. So he has had a problem with my reactions to him staying out - says it's just business, but now I think he's staying out later than he needs to to avoid me. I have asked too many questions and he's sick of discussing these things and says I don't listen to him. I suggest that I come along a few times and this is now out of the question, it only makes him angrier when I ask to go. I showed up at a trade show to see if I could go to dinner with them all, but he didn't invite me, his boss did. He was so sullen and angry and didn't talk to me at dinner and I just feel he hates me right now, then he went out with some other business men and sent me home. He said he would be home in a couple of hours (which I doubted, because he always says that) then he came home a 4am (as usual- lately) So now, I think I can only leave him alone. He has reached his limit and although I can easily forgive, he can not. So everytime I speak words of distrust they just mount up more and more. (I try keeping my mouth shut, but sometimes I am weak- after all this is very painful for me) This story is too long, and I am too tired but I want help. He is not the type to submit to council or any type of "joint agreement" My hope is that as I show love and trust in the face of this behavior, he will begin to love me again. I believe thru a miracle our marriage will be restored....AND it WILL TAKE A Miracle.

Hi American woman <BR>Your post hit home to a certain degree. I personally feel that in my marriage that neither me nor my husband should be out in a bar till the wee hours of the a.m. My husband pulled this a couple times and what worked for me was telling him point blank that " it was inappropriate behavior and that I respect him and our marriage enough to not stay out late when I am out with my girfriends or entertaining. If he wanted to be out in a bar at those hours that he better be prepared to be single. <BR>I just dont feel that there is anything good going on after 1 or 2 a.m unless your looking to pick up or be picked up...again somthing single folks do"... It worked and he hasnt disrespected our marriage since!<BR> I agree with you in that if he's going out that you should be invited period. I understand the intertaining of clients and so forth...we both have to entertain in our careers...so when this is the case so be it...but not till 4 am.<BR>Is your relationship good other than this issue? Have you tried expressing to him in the " I feel" way versus the "where were you" If you wrote him a letter would he be the kind to respond without anger and maybe absorb better what you are feeling?<BR>I know personally how this makes a person feel vulnerable, unloved, disrespected and mistrusting. I hope he listens to your feelings American woman...and I hope this post helped in some way or another.<BR>keep smiling,<BR>ruby

Ruby,<BR> Just the fact that you took the time to reply comforts my heart. Thank you so much.<P> I don't think you would be married to my husband under these current circumstances. I have wondered many times why I endure such things. But I guess I am quite the odd one. I believe in miracles and am standing in line for mine...it's up there sometime in the future...and only God can save us now.<P> My husband is quite the odd bird too. It is very possible that he didn't fall into temptation....but if he did...well we are all weak sometimes. My miracle is coming and this moment I feel great hope. Sounds foolish to alot of women, I'm sure, however I believe that having faith can move mountains and as long as I am holding on to that, then God can act on my behalf to mend and rebuild where I could not. I'm becoming closer to God thru this difficulty, and that's worth more than gold. Doesn't stop me from experiencing fear, insecurity, and anger sometimes though. That's why I came to this forum. <P>God bless you for caring. I'll let you know when I need some encouragement again or when I recieve my miracle. <BR> Tonight we had a very rare and pleasant dinner with some of my friends here in Taipei. It amounted to the closest thing to marriage councelling that my husband would ever be open to. So I am truly thankful. However, he had to meet with those business men afterward and I am here alone again, probably until 4am. I won't worry I just hope I can sleep soundly to pass the time (It's 12 hours later than eastern standard time here. So now it's 11pm on Tuesday as I write this)<P>Much thanks and blessings to you, Ruby<P>"American Women"