My husband and I are into the 5th week of separation after a 20 year marriage. We have a few big issues that we cannot get past and what it all boils down to is that we have very different morals and ethics, particularly when it comes to the subject of money - how it is spent and how it is earned. We have 3 children we both love and adore - this area, is not and never has been, a problem in our marriage. Actually it is the glue that has held us together. Thus, it is not surprising that the children are why we are so desparately trying to make our marriage work. <BR>An example of one of our ongoing disagreements is that one spouse finds it "common business practice" to invest in fake businesses set up for the sole purpose of hiding money from the IRS. The other one finds that morally and ethically wrong, thus putting stress on the participating spouse.<BR>Do you think two people with very different morals/ethics can ever be truly happy together? Do you think there is any type of agreeable compromise that would work in a situation such as this?<BR>

So, one of you is a thief---a criminal?<P>I think that falls under the "lovebuster" category. And if one of you is willing to lovebust regardless of the other's opinion, then they are continually depleting that person's lovebank. So the status quo won't work.<P>Is there a compromise??? Perhaps, but you'll have to work on it together. Maybe running off to Monaco???

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lookin4answers:<BR><B>My An example of one of our ongoing disagreements is that one spouse finds it "common business practice" to invest in fake businesses set up for the sole purpose of hiding money from the IRS. The other one finds that morally and ethically wrong, thus putting stress on the participating spouse. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Looking,<P>"If someone must go to jail, make sure it is your husband." <P>You are in a terrible spot, and no human being should put another human being in this position. Investing in fake businesses to hide money from the IRS isn't a common business practice, it is a crime punishable by fine and imprisonment. And all too often the people who pull this kind of stunt get lost when the IRS starts closing in on them, leaving the innocent spouse stuck with the unpaid tax bill and penalities. And if you are the only one the IRS can find, you are the one the IRS will go after.<P>It may be a matter of personal preference, but I usually like to conduct my personal finances in such a manner that it will not be necessary for me to go to jail. It seems quite natural that one would experience some personal discomfort at the prospect of having to face tax penalties, fines and imprisonment. You are never going to be happy with that prospect.<P>Sounds like a good time for you to get some professional help, including some legal advice.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper<P>

Thank you for your response, Bumperii. Would it change anything if I told you that our accountant is in on the scheme and has assured us that this is a safe thing to do?

lookin4answers,<P>I'm glad you found this site! K and Bumper have given you excellent advice.<P>"Would it change anything if I told you that our accountant is in on the scheme and has assured us that this is a safe thing to do?"<P>I'm an accountant. You've got double trouble if your accountant is in on "the scheme". Is your accountant a CPA (Certified Public Accountant)? He/she can loose their license! Yes, you will still be liable too as a spouse who signed returns. Personally there is no way I would put my own livelyhood on the line to help a client cover up from the IRS. You are between the devil and deep blue sea. Get an opinion of another CPA and I would consult an attorney so you know where you stand and your liability.<P>I'm sorry you are in such a spot, I want you to know you are morally right on!!! I can only imagine the undue stress it causes, a definate love buster!<P>Gayle

To my very dear extra special friend, looking 4 answers,<P>As you and I have discussed this many times. I can see this is eating you up so much inside. What to do? Leave him over a maybe he's doing something that is in a gray area of law and he may be risking jail time or stay with him and take a chance in the hope that nothing will happen by the careless, thoughtless, inconsiderate risk he is placing on his entire family. <P>If you divorce over this I have this feeling (I know) you will never feel right about this decision and it will literally tear you up inside. <P>I know, after counseling and pleading he is not willing to compromise or change his business ethics no matter what, and you only have the choice to put up with it or divorce. Knowing you as I do, there is really only one choice that you can make and live with and I think that choice is not divorce. If you agree, I think you should write him a letter and consider something like this, <P>"Dear Husband, As you know I have been so sad by the business choices you have made lately. Your actions has caused our family to almost break in two. This is tearing me up inside. You know my feelings regarding what you are doing. I realize that I have no control over this. You have to take responsibilities for your own actions. I just hope that with the end result, you will be able to live with the choices you made. I have decided that as long as I am no longer a part of the business, that althought I do not not approve of your decisions regarding the business, I have no choice but to live with the decisions you make regarding our families future. I am going to trust that you will make the right decisions for our family. I am now putting this matter in God's hands, as I have no control over it. As stated, I will try very hard to know and pray that as you make the decisions regarding our families finances, you will think of your wife and your children with every decision made."<P>I do love you so very much.<P>Your loving wife<P>This I think you can live with.<P>One more thing to seek the advice of an attorney on any risk you are taking regarding yourself.<P>Well, I hope with the decision you make you will find the complete peace you so deserve.<P><BR>Your extra special very dear friend,<P>ANNA<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lookin4answers:<BR><B>Thank you for your response, Bumperii. Would it change anything if I told you that our accountant is in on the scheme and has assured us that this is a safe thing to do? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yep, it sure would change things. Your husband could wind up with a CPA for a room mate. They may not have a knob on their side of the door, but they'll be roomies.<P>What he is talking about is not what is right, but what he thinks he can get away with. The IRS may not catch it at first, and it seems to be working well until someone gets mad, gets stressed out, or wants to get even.<P>Typical scenario is the scheme goes on for a number of years. Then somebody has an office romance that works for a few months. Then a secretary gets the old heave ho. Then either she or the betrayed wife calls the IRS and turns him in, becoming elgible for a ten percent finders fee! Then you find out your accountant has created a paper trail right straight into a room with cast iron wallpaper.<P>Bye the way, that accountant and you don't have attorney-client privilege. He is the one most likely to turn states evidence and testify against you and your husband to save his own butt.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lookin4answers:<BR><B>Do you think there is any type of agreeable compromise that would work in a situation such as this?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm neither a lawyer nor an accountaint, but...would "married, filing separately" work?<BR>

Thanks to all of you so much for your responses. You have no idea how good it feels to realize that I'm not being too close-minded, or too naive, or whatever the excuse is that I can't see eye-to-eye on this with my husband. May God bless each and every one of you.<BR>

Again, thanks to all who have supported me here! Good news is hubby has finally agreed to put an end to such behavior and is willing to change accountants!!!!! So . . . maybe there is hope afterall!

Hey, Hey, Good Looking,<P>That is the best post I've read all week. And thankyou for coming back and letting us know how you made out.<P>This forum has been so much help, and it gives us all a good feeling when we hear that someone got help with a problem too. Really makes sharing worthwhile.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper