My husband left almost three weeks ago and we finally talked on Sunday (other than small talk) and he told me that he no longer loved me and that he wanted a divorce and it had nothing to do with the OW. He wouldn't leave me for someone else.... This cut like a knife through my heart. I was still holding out hope since he had only taken a handful of stuff and came by or called all the time. I'm filing for divorce tomorrow against my wishes. I'm told I need to do this so I can change the locks, get child support, visitation etc. I can't handle plan a anymore so I'm going to plan b. I have avoided the phone for the last two days and he keeps calling...wanting a car or whatever. He saw me pack up his stuff and put it in the garage but has made no attempt to come get it. I don't know what to think. I know I'm still in shock and starting to grieve but I just can't believe he is doing this. How can I do plan b with children involved? How do we have any chance of reconciliation if we never see or talk to each other? This is so awful!!! He is so cold and uncaring...so unlike the person I used to know.

Hi aspen, <BR>I know how hard it is to go through all this. I think plan b would be good for you right now but I wish you would reconsider filing so soon. Your H is looking for an easy way out right now and by filing you will be giving him just what he wants. Sometimes it takes months for things to turn around and he is the one who is wanting this so why should you go through all the work? I just wanted to give you something to think about. Only you know what is best for you and your family right now. I wish you the best.<BR>June

I'm only filing to protect myself...I think he is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...he is not acting a bit normal. There is no expression but hate behind his eyes. In order to change the locks, etc. then I have to file. My attorney told me that I can always pull it and "sit on it" as he tells me but by filing I will have ther legal right to the house, kids, etc. I can drag out the actual divorce for as long as I want. I still can't believe he wants a divorce so bad after originally saying he didn't want to make a mistake and divorce was too final....now he can't wait to get rid of me. I don't know what has changed other than being around all of his low life friends and the OW. This is killing me and my children. He finally came and got the rest of his stuff today after I told him he couldn't have one of the cars. He is very angry! I feel so helpless because he doesn't want anything to do with me at all. He told me "I'm divorcing YOU not the girls." Tell that to them....the 4 year old is falling apart...wanting to rip out her hair, crying all the time and refusing to wear clothes. He doesn't see it!!<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by junebug622:<BR><B>Hi aspen, <BR>I know how hard it is to go through all this. I think plan b would be good for you right now but I wish you would reconsider filing so soon. Your H is looking for an easy way out right now and by filing you will be giving him just what he wants. Sometimes it takes months for things to turn around and he is the one who is wanting this so why should you go through all the work? I just wanted to give you something to think about. Only you know what is best for you and your family right now. I wish you the best.<BR>June</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Aspen--<P>You need to do what you need to do to protect yourself. If your stbx wants to act like a creep then you do exactly as your lawyer says. You are still emotionally involved but your lawyer isn't. My feeling is that anyone who is capable of leaving his spouse and kids for---whatever--cannot be trusted to do anything honorable in the divorce process. So listen to your lawyer because he/she is totally ibnterested in your well being.<P>As far as not divorcing your kids is concerned--that's just a load of hooey. He's left their mother for some hoochie and that's that. He can justify all he wants but they have been wronged too.<P>Still, don;t make the mistake of talking him down to the kids. He's still their father and while they're hurt now, you will need to eventually come to a working agreement with him for their benefit.<P>Hang in there<P>Lou<p>[This message has been edited by hurtinsoul (edited September 20, 2001).]

This is about the OW and H addiction to the OW. Because of his guilt he sees you as the enemy and will twist everything around in his head. I'm glad that you are taking legal steps to protect yourself.<P>You could not have come to a better place. This forum was a god send to me. Try the infidelity forum. You may learn alot more than you can here. Even though you are filing for divorce this is all new to you and the more information you can learn the better.<P>((hugs))<P>JIll

Would filing for a legal separation be an appropriate alternative?

My H left me on July 24 and I just went on Tuesday and filed for divorce. Some say I made a hasty decision but I don't think I did. I feel that he has been stringing me along from day one and I can't take anymore of his lies. In the beginning he wanted to work on our marriage, go to counseling etc. He made one attempt to go to counseling and backed out of the others with excuses. Enough is enough already and I can't let him cause me any more pain. On Tuesday he called and said he's coming back, this and that then all of a sudden changed his tune with "I want a divorce and thought about this over the weekend". Some also say I called his bluff maybe to see how far I would go with this. I don't think I called his bluff, this is what he wanted. <P>My mother-in-law wanted to know what I would do if these papers really opened his eyes and made him realize this isn't what he wants. I told her I'm not backing down. He never made any attempts in working on our marriage, never gave it a chance or me for that matter and I'm not giving him a chance. When he gets those divorce papers I don't see him hesitating one second in signing them. He told me he likes his life the way it is now and is happy and that consists of not knowing where he is living from day to day.