Wow. Reading the posts from some of you absolutely breaks my heart. I feel the pain, frustration, loss and sheer devastation in so many of these posts I just want to cry. There is a quote (I don't know by whom) that a friend of mine e-mailed me when things first started going downhill for me: Happiness lies for those who hurt, those who cry, those who have searched and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives." And even though the people who post here have most likely never seen each other or heard the other's voice, we all still touch each other's lives.<P>I hope for every one of you who still has the chance to save your marriage that things will work out for you. For those of us who are beyond that, I say have faith. In my own experience I have discovered that I never knew what love is. I found out the hard way what it is not. But I still believe that love is out there and I will find it. First, I have to find the strength within myself to stand alone, to take care of myself when no one else will, and to find that I am a better, stronger person than I once was. In order to really love someone else, you must love yourself first. For those of you who are reeling from the sense of loss, don't despair. Time heals all wounds, though perhaps not completely. God has a plan for all of us. We just need to follow His lead and have faith that He will catch us if we fall. Don't give up, don't give in. Just stand. Things do get better, even though it may feel like the end of the world right now. Don't seek revenge, don't try to make your WS's life miserable. You will only succeed in making your own life miserable. Hold your heads high, knowing you did what you could and that you could not control your WS's behavior. Use the time you have alone to make yourself a better person. It is amazing the changes you will see. I know. I am living proof.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by toolateforme:<BR><B>Hold your heads high, knowing you did what you could and that you could not control your WS's behavior. Use the time you have alone to make yourself a better person. It is amazing the changes you will see. I know. I am living proof.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><B>Right on!! </B><P>I couldn't agree more. My H is finally starting the paperwork for a divorce, and to be honest...I feel glad. Not happy...there's a difference. This wasn't something I wanted nor even thought would happen (D-day, affair, him moving in with OW, etc., etc.) And there were times when I never thought I would survive.<P>But I have. I HAVE SURVIVED....<B>and</B> I actually feel really, really happy with my life. God has been good to me and helped me thru this....I wouldn't be here today without Him.<P>I truly believe that God can make miracles out of messes. And I have learned what behaviour in the marriage was my responsibility to own up to....and what was his. HE chose to quit; HE chose to give up; HE did that, not me. <P>Anyway, I can tell you too, from the "other side" that life CAN still go on; you CAN be happy <I>even without</I> your spouse.....if you ask God to direct your life and give you His wisdom in how to deal with anything that comes your way.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>

Great posts from both of you, and I agree wholeheartedly. I decided about a month ago that I would no longer play 'detective' or try to make things hard on the WS, but that I would just take care of myself and enjoy life. I can truly say that life without my S is not worse or better, just 'different'. And I am learning to enjoy life more and more with each coming day. The sleepless nights and lonely weekends have been left behind, and I wake up anticipating what each new day might bring. Remember that life is what you make of it, and wallowing in self-pity and sorrow does not make things better. Take your time to grieve, and then move on. You can see by my history of posts that I've had some difficult times, but I've gotten through it and now am at a much better place. I have many to thank here on these boards(you know who you are), and if I can get here from the valley I was in, anyone can. Trust in God. Sometimes His plan, although hidden and maybe incomprehensible for now, is for the greater good, and someday you will understand why this happened.