Hi everybody,<P>Well my WS came home this week and we had an incredible time together. It was real light and fun you know I don't think we even watched t.v. this whole week just sat around and talked about everything except the A. Anyways, again she is gone this weekend to OM. I've excepted that and am not going to let it get me down. What I do need advice on is next weekend she is moving out. I was supposed to be at a company retreat that weekend so it was going to make her slipping out really easy. Well what she doesn't know and I will tell her once she gets back this weekend is that I'm not going to the retreat. I'm going to be here to make her face me while she moves out and to make sure OM doesn't step foot into my house.<P>I guess I need advice on two things. How do I break it to her in a nice, you know PlanA, way that I am going to be here when she moves out. Dr. Harley suggested that I don't even make OM a reason why I'm going to be here. That she can argue. i.e. "I'll make sure he's not here" etc. I need to let her know that this is such a big thing in our relationship, probably bigger than the day I have to sign those papers, that I need to be here. Can anyone think of possible replys she might have so that I can think of good counterarguements.<P>Second, how oh how can I help her move out and not become really emotional about it. Are there things anybody did on move out day that they regret now. This day is going to be so hard I just figured that I needed to start getting suggestions/support starting today. Please help!

Hey, I love your UserName !<P>Well, as far as staying there when she moves out, you can tell her that you want to help her, or at least that you want to be there to help resolve whether some items stay or go... (Unless you already have it all clearly segregated).<P>Regarding the emotional trauma, shoot, I dunno... That's why I chose not to be there when my W moved out...<P>Hope this helps...<P>AGG

Weird its like bizarro me!

Hi GG<P>I was there when my H left, but not when he packed. He did that the night before, when I was out....actually I fully expected he would slip out when I was gone. But he didn't, and I guess I have to give him some credit for that, because it would have been the easy way for him.<P>I would suggest telling her that your weekend away thing has been cancelled, but that's a lie, and she may find out...big LB. So, I agree witht the above, tell her you want to help her. However, she MAY say she doesn't want you to help.<P>Have you thought about just telling her you aren't going to the weekend thing, and just leaving at that? She will ask why...you can just say because you don't want to...this will probably annoy the s*** out of her. Well sometimes that is going to happen.<P>I am thinking of a lot of stuff that can go wrong the minute she finds out you will be there...I don't know if it is possible to do this without getting her mad. But you have your rights too, and let's face it, it has been a tad too easy for her so far.<P>Well when my H was going, I was sitting in a chair with tears rolling down. He came to say goodbye, and i couldn't even speak to him. He saw my pain, and I don't think that's a bad thing. He, or any other WS should be expecting it. Don't worry if you show her it's killing you...just try really hard not to say anything bad, or beg, or any of that. You can do it.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Thanks Jacky,<P>Maybe I should expound. The MAIN reason I am going to be there is because if I'm not OM will be in my house. I will be damned if I will live here knowing he was here and possibly spending the night if you know what I mean. When I brought this up to DH he said do not use this as a reason. This reason can easily be refuted. i.e. "I promise OM won't be in the house." That's impossible. My wife is really small and she has some really heavy antique furniture to be moved. Anyways, since the only way I can be sure OM won't come here is for myself to be here. I can't lie to her. The retreat thing is a MAJOR thing every year and in no way would it be cancelled. I want to tell her many things. One that I will be here to help. There is no comprimise on that. Two, I promise to be as good as I have been the past couple of weeks. No begging, no crying, nothing. Three, this act is SO BIG I can't be gone while its happening. Four, if OM is needed to drive truck whatever back to his place he can stay at a hotel or hang out, out of sight.<BR>WS's mom and I are really close and she has been pushing for me and letting me know WS's confusions/fears etc. that she won't tell me. Now I know that is dishonest but I never ask for that information. Anyways, she has told me that WS wants to do this while I'm away because it is too hard for us to go through all of our stuff together. i.e. wedding stuff/pictures/sentimental items. The first and only time we did this WS came to me the next day and wanted to slow this whole thing down. The only time she has been reluctant. That is the REAL reason I want to be here again. I don't even know if she has it in her to do it. Just last night she for the first time kind of joked that she really wanted to end A and try us again. If nothing else it gives me some closure. We'll see. Whadaya think?

WOOHOO! I just noticed I'm a Member. I don't really know what that means but I have risen through the ranks.

It means you have posted more than 30 posts.<P>I know you don't want OM in your house, the thought of that makes me ill, too.<P>Well you sond like you have worked out what you're going to do, now you have to tell her...she isn't going to like it, be assured of that. She wants it the easy way.<P>But be strong with your Plan A, and make sure she knows your being there is not negotiable.<P>You might get the response you are after, but be prepared that you won't.<P>As for the MIL, good for you to get some inside information...just never let her know.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Goodguy,<P>Hey, I wondered about how you were doing all week.<P>My approach would be write a letter and in the letter tell her the truth. The total truth and then at the end tell her you would be happy to talk to her about this face to face. I am big on letters, it gives people time to think and adjust to the changes without a confrontation right away. I think it helps with arguments. <P>You can change this all you want or not even do it, if you think a better approach is in person but here's what I'd write.<P>Dear wife,<P>I have thought about your move next week a great deal, and the affect this will have on me. I know this will not be easy for you. For me, this will be the hardest day of my life, but I love you and would never stand in the way of your happiness. <P>However, although you would like to have o/m help with your move, instead I will be here next week to help you. I will have to live here after you leave and the thought of him being here in the house would be with me always. I hope this will not put stress on you and you will try hard to understand.<P>If you need to talk to me about this, I will be here.<P>Love...<P>Ok well there ya go. Feel free to use it or disgard it.<P>Oh BTW, if she doesn't understand I'm gonna find her myself and kick her butt. hehe<P>Take care GG,<P>ANNA

Hi, I usually post on the general ? forum, but from time to time I read in other areas. I needed to reply to this post only because something strikes me about these WS when they are moving out. WHY would a BS want to help a WS move out???? My WH left a week ago in front of our kids do you think I helped pack!! the only way I would have helped is by throwing his clothes out the front door!! Why do BS Have to stoop so low? isn't bad enough what they did to us, now we have to help them leave and make sure they have everything they need, Oh please they don't deserve that, let them suffer the way we (BS and the families) have suffered. I say don't even be there when she leaves. Sorry if this is a bit abrupt but I have been through a lot this past week and I am tired of making my WH life easier when he has but me and our kids thru he**. And when I read some of these post it sounds like some BS will do anything to get there WS back its almost like begging, I'm sorry it really bothers me. I am sure I will get a lot of negative responses but I am not trying to offend anyone, everyone has the right to do what ever is best for them. I truly treasure this site and the people. Sally