So, my W called to let me know she read the letter and that she would start looking for an apartment of her own. That seems so final. I asked her if she wanted a divorce and after a long pause she said I think that would be best for both of us, or something like that. She was real sad when she told me. Then, I asked why she didn’t think we could work things out. She said she didn’t think I could make her happy. I told her that she doubts about divorce or making her happy, given all the “thinks”, and we should give it a try before she rents an apartment. I told her she was extremely happy in our marriage before and I would make her happy again. Then I started babbling about why we should try. I even offered her a 1-month plan where she would come home for a month and we would see if there were any progress. Then, after we see some progress we could try for another month and continue to go from there. I was so ready to give up but I want her back again. This always happens to me. So what you guy think about what’s going on? I also told some friends about the affair and now I fear they’ll call her and make matters worse.

She is going to come over tomorrow to talk about dividing the assets. I'm going to tell her how i feel and let her know that this is a mistake. Any suggestions?

PT, I had my wife say the same things to me and I am confident that I said the same things that you plan on saying to your wife. If your wife is anything like mine, she has made her mind up and nothing will change it. I tried for two months to get my wife to simply go to counseling. She had moved out while I was in the field and she was already settled and comfortable. I failed. I don't know if I wasn't good enough or if she had just had enough of being unhappy..but all my efforts failed. I thought that if my wife loved me enough or if I loved her enough, we could save the marriage. I don't know if she loves me and my love for her wasn't strong enough. <P>My advice to you is to prepare yourself for the worst. I ignored alot of good advice and did not put up any barriers. Well, now I am paying the price. I did not want to accept the fact that I may not be able to save the marriage. I was so confident that I lost touch with reality. <P>I would love to offer you some hope because I believe that everyone needs hope. I won't tell you some of the things that others have told me because some I don't agree with, some I can't believe in, and others I don't want to accept so I will say this. If you truly love your wife, show her. Show her every day in every possible way even if she tells you not to. Keep doing it until the day your divorce is final...if it goes that far. If you still love your wife, keep showing her even after she's not your wife anymore. Fix yourself up, because I'm sure you're not perfect, and when you are single again you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you did everything that you could to keep your marriage alive. It may not be much in the way of comfort, but it is all I can offer because that is what I am doing. It helps keep me from crying. <P>I wish you and your wife all the luck in the world. I wish you the luck that I didn't have or didn't deserve. Make the most of the time you have. Don't waste a moment because you'll look back and wonder where the time went...and time goes by quickly when you're not paying attention. <P>------------------<BR>Don't look back. You never know what is gaining on you.

Hi PT,<P>I don't think you messed up, telling her your feelings...she should expect it now and then. How did she react to that talk? You didn't say.<P>The friends will probably call her, but they are unlikely to talk directly to her about the A, most find it completely embarrassing...don't worry if they do, it is a consequence of her actions.<P>Don't be too hard on yourself! You're a great guy.<P>love and light, <P>Jacky

I read about it but I never really understood it until today. My wife is in the fog and has no clue what’s going on. We’ll see what happens but I’m content with my efforts. I have no regrets. I don’t think I have the stamina to hold on for as long you guys. So, I think I may go out and have some fun. <P>