Hi all,<P>After being separated for over 6 months, I'm pretty much ready to call it quits with my W (WS). She has been consistent in her stating that "there is no future for us together", and frankly I tend to agree.<P>However, before I submit the final form to become divorced (she filed the Petition, but then hasn't followed through), I would like to give her one last opportunity to stop the divorce by at least expressing a desire to try to work things out. I'd call it my "s**t or get off the pot" letter.<P>Are there any examples of such letters, or does anyone have any ideas on what to include/exclude from such a letter? I know it's basically an ultimatum letter, but I guess I want to write it to clear my conscience that I didn't file for divorce just as my W was "coming around"...<P>Any thoughts?<P>Thanks,<P>AGG

This is what I learned, and I hope it somewhat helps. I tried the same route too, before I knew how involved my wife was with someone else. Depending on what state you live in, since your wife did file for a petition, you may have an option to ask for court ordered counseling. Usually the court will mandate 3 sessions to "be sure" that the marriage is irreconsilable (sp). I attempted to go this route, but my wife's lawyer blocked it. Good Luck.

I don't know of any letters, but I do know there are a few people who have told their WS's that enough is enough, and they're filing...and all of a sudden WS comes out of the fog. So for some people the exact opposite of MB principles seems to get action.<P>A good place to ask this question would be on the In Recovery board....since they are back together, they might share their experience with you.<P>I know how you feel, I really want to write to my H a get lost letter. I am however trying to stick with MB stuff, so at least I keep my dignity....cos my letter would not be nice.

This is the letter I just gave to my WS. I haven't a clue if he read it or not. (I think he did though). I hope this helps you with what you are needing.<BR>--------------------<P>Dear ******, <BR>It appears we are at a stale mate, “YOU” want a divorce, (even though you haven’t mentioned the word to me in a while) and you should know that I NEVER wanted to divorce. I believed in our marriage vows. I hope that you remembered them. “For better or worse, richer or poorer, in good times and in bad, till death do us part”?<P>But, every time that you are around me I can see so much hate for me in your eyes that I must now think of OUR children and me. You believe divorce is the answer as you were the one that used that word through our whole marriage and I respect your decision. <P>I cannot live as I am living now, hoping that someday we can work things out because I know that YOU do not want any part of me. I cannot sit around waiting for you to realize that maybe this family and me where not so bad.<P>I hope that we are adult enough to sit down and discuss this matter in the near future. I would like to get this process rolling as soon as possible. I have gotten a lawyer, and the lawyer is just waiting for my go ahead. I do not like to make demands, but I am going to give you until the end of the month to sit down with me and discuss this, but if you cannot do that, I will go ahead and get the divorce rolling myself.<P>DIVORCE is NOT what I want but it is something that has to be so I can move forward with my life as you have already moved forward with yours.<P>******, I need to tell you that I love you. How can that change after being together for 18 years. I am well aware that my behavior in the past contributed to your unhappiness. I take full responsibility for that. However, YOU need to take responsibility for your behavior that contributed to MY unhappiness and the breakdown of this marriage.<P>Regardless, it will not be easy. It will be an emotional roller coaster not just for me, but for you also. I want what is best for you, what is best for me, and most importantly, what is best for OUR children. It is obvious we do not agree on what that is. <P>Letting go of our 18 years together is going to be tough. However, what I take from this marriage are many memories. Some good memories and some not so good, but the most important and precious things that I take from this marriage are OUR three children.<P>The sad thing is I expected you to love me forever. I expected you to be a good husband. I expected you to be a good father. I expected you to tell me if something was wrong. I expected you to be faithful. I expected you to care if you hurt the kids or me. I expected you to be honest. However, what I expected and what was reality are two different things.<P>It is time for ME to let you go *****. Especially in my heart. That is where the hurt is the most, but for every day that you are away from me, that hole in my heart just keeps getting smaller and smaller. One day I will not worry about you, or care where you are or what you are doing. You are just going to be a person from MY past. <P>I will move forward and I will survive. I will NOT have any regrets. I only wish you the best. I hope that you will be able to find happiness.<BR>Regards - Beth <P>September 19, 2001<BR> <P>

Thanks for the suggestions... Just by way of background, I already gave her a Plan B letter when she moved out, where I told her that I would be willing to work on the marriage anytime she decides to lose the OM, assuming it happens "someday soon"... That was six months ago.<P>I guess I want to quickly reiterate my Plan B letter highlights to her, before moving into Plan D... I'll go dig up that letter .<P>Thanks again,<P>AGG