Can anyone help understand the thoughts/phases/feelings that my wife is going through. Catherine (our baby) was 5 1/2 months when she was stillborn. As much as I try to understand what my wife is going through, it seems that everything I do is wrong in her eyes.

DaveL,<P> I know this must have been devestating for both of you to loose your unborn child. Your wife is very sensitive because of the grieving that she is going through. I have never been through the lose of a unborn baby, but I do have a child. I can only imagine how hard its been for her and you. <P> It may be best to allow some space between you and your wife. Be there to comfort her when you can, but allow her time and space also. There is a process of grieving that your wife needs to go through, and it may seem like you cant seem to do anything right in her eyes, but just remember that its the pain that she is feeling inside that is causing her to react and overreact with you. Just allow her to grieve and give it time. If the months go by and things get worse, then it may be nessesary for her to see a Grief Counselor. Hopefully things will heal before then.<P> Just be patient during this time, and allow space, but give comfort also. Try to find the balance. You might remind your wife that it hurts you also (the lose of your unborn baby)that you hurt too.Let her know that you share her pain also.This is something that you are going through together.............Violet1

I need to check these boards more often. My first child a girl ( Jamie Michelle) was stillborn at 8 1/2 months. Your wife is grieving and needs all the support and understanding you can give her right now. I know this is hard on fathers too, but it is diffrent for mothers. We develope a very storng bond with our children even before birth, they are a part of us. And when something like this happens we not only have the grief of any parent who loses a child, but many times there is a crushing amount of guilt. I know that may not make any sense to anyone who hasn't been there. But its the truth. We seem to HAVE to find a reason why this happens, there is a web site called "A Place to Remember" just type that into a search engine and it will come up somewhere. You and your wife both may find it comforting to know there are others dealing with this pain. Many people put their email address on their posts there so they can try to help others going through this. I did, My daughter would be 20 now had she lived, you can go there and find my post if you wish, it is titled Jamie would be 20. If I can be of anyhelp to you or your wife, please feel free to email me at notagaintx@yahoo.com. my name is Deb.<BR>God Bless you both. <P>------------------<BR>Deb<BR>-------------------------<BR>WE are the champions my friends, and we'll keep on fighting till the end<BR>Queen - We are the champions

Dave,<BR> My H and I lost two daughters to stillbirth 17 and almost 15 years ago. Both losses were in the 8th month.<BR> People don't seem to understand that the loss of these precious babies is just as devastating as the loss of an older child. My BiLaw, whose only son died at 3 days, actually said to me that it was better that it happened before I "got attached to it" after we lost our first daughter. His wife said, "Well, it might have been deformed." She wasn't; physically, she was perfect. (She died due to the placenta prematurely detaching, which basically suffocated her.)<BR>But, what difference should that make? They were our daughters. I carried them under my heart for 8 months. We had hopes and dreams for their futures.<BR> I think, Dave, that you may be suppressing your grief for your child--maybe because you think the same way as other people do--that you didn't really "know" her. Grieve with your wife. Let her know that you love and miss your daughter, too. Don't expect her to just "get over it." Above all else, let your wife know that you love her and don't blame her. Yes, she may be blaming herself for your daughter's death and also think that you blame her, too. Let her know that this isn't true.<BR>Best wishes, and my heart goes out to you both.<BR>SK