NO SHOW! I absolutely friggin KNEW she wouldnt follow through. Per her latest standards, its the last minute (im on time and in the parking lot)"Im really tired, I cant make it". UGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH. What really gets my pants in a wad is how all throughtout our marriage she was a stickler (I mean to an ANAL level) about following through and counting on one doing what one said they would do. I mean, I forgot occasionally, wasnt timely, and I'll be damned if she hasnt turned into me and I have turned into HER. Cripes! What the hell is going on here! I cannot count on her for one damn thing! I have become my wife and that is starting to frighten me! What is going on!

Rob I am sorry you are going through this. I have no idea why you think you have become her. But she is probably scared to face you now. She knows what she has done and feels ashamed. Not ashamed enough to stop though. Just be patient if you want to speak to her. Try to accept that she has done these things and nothing you do or say now is going to change it. Accept that she is unreliable now, and untrustworthy. That's just who she is at the moment.<P>

I feel for you. That’s what got my goat this week. I’m doing stuff for HER to make her life easier and I’m so fed up with that C**P. Sorry, but I’m not giving you much to hold on to but when I saw your post I thought I wrote it.

Rob,<P>Wow! That must of been terribly disappointing.<P>Well, in one post I replied to you or someone else about changing roles. I can't remember who now, but they replied back that this is exactly what was happening, wife becoming them and them becoming wife.<P>Anyway, my stbx and I did change roles a little also. As our marriage fell apart he became more like me and me a little more like him. I think I just got tired of always doing the right thing, always thinking of the consequences and being Ms. Goody-two-shoes as he often thought I was. I just got tired of always doing the right thing and him always doing the things I considered wrong. Anyway his moral standards increased and mine decreased. Although I am slowly bring them back up again. For example, I do not drink, even a little. This worked well since he was an alcoholic, however recently I have had a couple of margaritas. Even, thought of buying a bottle of wine and having a nice bath. I used to never cuss, ever, and recently I have found myself saying a word here or there like "whore or slut", words I would have not even spelled out before. My friends are stunned, they would say "Ohmygosh, listen to you!!!" Oh btw, I used to never say oh my gosh, it was always wow, or ohmygoodness. Before I lowered my moral standards a bit, I started going through a depression, maybe because I was trying so hard to be a perfect wife and felt he was trying so little. I found I had to make adjustments in what I felt was right or wrong for a while in order to get myself out of the depression. It may not make any sense, but it worked.<P>As for him, I can only speculate why he started becoming more like me. Maybe because he saw he was finally for real this time going to lose me and he didn't want that bad enough that he started becoming a little more like the way I always wanted him to be.<P>Take care Rob and don't lose faith yet.<P>ANNA<P>

Thanks guys. The venting helped a little bit. Sorry that some of you are experiencing similar things. I have not lost faith yet. The fact that she actually agreed to talk to me is a big plus. I will give her time to sort things out. I asked her to help me decorate the new apartment. She seeemed a little stunned that I would ask. Maybe she was surprised that I am not tearing into her. Maybe she is thinking, he is different. I know that moving out on my own in a new place, she will be watching. She has always told me that I would fall on my face if I was by myself. Well, I am up for that. I have faith, and I know that facing my childhood problems head on has freed me to be a better father and husband. I am in counseling, so I am going in a positive direction. I believe the next 2 months will really have an impact on our relationship. She is watching me, I know it. I really think she still loves me, but she is terribly afraid to open up. I understand that, really i do

Rob,<P>Perhaps, sending her flowers and telling her you are sorry she was unable to make it and hope there will be a next time?<P>ANNA<P>

Hi RobC,<P>WS's do tend to change personalities and behaviours...it's part of the alien brain take-over. Her thing was being reliable, well now it isn't, my h was a good dad...now he hardly contacts them.<P>Go with it Rob, and whatever you do, don't let her know you are angry because she didn't show...it's what she expects and it is a LB. She is avoinding the conversation because she knows what she will have to say.<P>Give it time.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Rob,<P>She is avoiding you. Now that you know about the affair she can't deal with seeing you. I'm sure she feels like **** so she is avoiding the situation. When my ex had his 1st affair he tried to do that. I made him confront what he was doing to our family, to me. If he said he was going to meet with me and then didn't I hounded him until he actually did come over ect. Not hounded exactly but nicely asked. <P>She is now living in a fantasy world and seeing you would bring her back to reality and she doesn't want to deal with that now. <P>Jill<P>------------------<BR>live for today for there may not be a tomorrow