Oh I am just so damn mad frustrated at this moment I need to vent somewhere. Many know my story. Well this weekend WS went to OM's. You know this is the third time in a row and she is moving out next weekend. I'm going to be here just for the pleasure of making her face me while she does it and for me to feel like I'm throwing her out. What gets me is everything is out in the open. That's good. BUT how in the hell does she go and spend the weekend with OM and then be able to come back to our house and look me in the eye. You know that makes it real hard to do the whole PlanA thing. I feel like I'm getting into the whole anger part of this roller coaster ride and you know what, I like it. I can't wait to see her expression when I ruin her plans for sneaking out of here next weekend by telling her I'm going to be here and that s.o.b. will not be seen by me let alone step foot into my house. Maybe this is a trying time for me but I'm almost to a breaking point. How can someone change so dramatically. I in my wildest dreams never thought she could act like this. I truly understand everyone when they say WS is posessed. What touched all of this off is checking my bank account on line I found a charge this weekend in a resort town out in the middle of nowhere. I never ask for details. This is one I didn't want to find. ARRGGGGGGHHHH! just needed to get some stuff out.<P>THanks,<BR>Brandon

(((((((((((((((Brandon))))))))))))))))))))<P>Take a deep breath or two, buddy!<P>Yes you are angry and you have every right to be. Who the he** does she think she is flaunting this thing in your face? You are a human being with feelings and emotions and for her to do this to you is just so, so bad.<P>Be very careful how you interact with her, if you are trying to Plan A...you are angry, bite your tongue HARD if you need to. Tell her you are staying, but do it without anger, and don't react to hers. Just keep repeating that you are staying, and that is that. Calmly stand up to her...she needs a kick in the butt.<P>Why should you be calm and nice? Because you want every last image they have of you being a reasonable and caring, safe, loving person....a safe place to come back to when this is all over. So be careful, Brandon. And take lots of deep breaths.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Goodguy,<P>You said when she came back last weekend, she asked a lot of questions, like "how are you taking this?" So forth. Well, with this new move of her actually flaunting this in your face, it makes me wonder..."Does she want you to get mad?" It sure seems like it, "Is she wanting a reaction?" "What kind of reaction does she want?" I don't understand...Maybe someone else can give better insight. It seems like she's really trying to push you.<P>ANNA<P><BR>

The general consensus on the pushing issue is that the WS can then justify why they are leaving..."See? I knew you were a bad person!!!" <P>Yeah, I know, it's warped, but so is the WS brain during A's and recovery for a time.

Thanks Jacky,<P>I know, I know. I felt like this but worse last Sunday you might remember but now there is a lot of anger. I only have to hold out for a week. I just keep telling myself that. I know she has a conscious so she most know what I'm going through but before she leaves she just acts like there is nothing wrong in the world. OOOOOOHHHH it just infuriates me. I've been good though. Without laying it on too thick I always hug her and tell here she is the most important thing to me. You know I'm almost to the point that if she does ever want to come back why should I let her. Especially after rubbing this in my face.<P>ANyways thanks for the encourgement. I'll be good don't worry.<P>Brandon

Vent. Vent. Vent. <P>Are we married to the same person? My situation seems to follow yours so closely sometimes I think I’m in a parallel universe or something. I don’t know how you deal with your wife coming home each week. I would have a big problem with that. Mine left about 3mos ago and I didn’t realize how bad things were until last week. But after I suffered though the pain I can honestly say that I fulfilled my obligation to her as a husband and I really don’t care anymore. I asked her if she wanted to divorce and she said yes but doesn’t really want one, at least now. I know that because I pressed her to come home and she would rather divorce than come home. But when I say she always have a place here she says she’ll think about it and the issue of divorce goes away. I wasn’t until today that I understood the fog issue. I looked into her eyes and she has it bad. I too want to get on with my life so today I decided that I was going to live for me. If she decides to come back I guess I’ll have to see how I feel about it. We don’t have kids or anything so I wondered why I allowed myself to suffer for so long. Not anymore. I do think you should do everything possible to save a marriage but I just happened to hit my breaking point. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Yeah you know you two, she has even said to her mom and me that she just wishes I would yell and scream and tell her I hate her so then she can waltz right out. The sad thing is she still says I never did anything wrong. The whole I wasn't planning on falling in love I just did thing. I think this defines selfishness. Period. <P>One good thing I got my resumes together and they go out this week. It might be moving day for myself soon. God bless you guys and thanks.<BR>

Nina,<P>How could I have missed that!!! Of course you are right. It's her wanting him to argue to relieve guilt. Geeez. I've made that point so many times myself. DUH!!!<P>Goodguy, <P>Is she coming back tonight or is she gonna stay another day again? For her sake with your mood...She might just do better to stay one more day this time. <P>Also, did you get a chance to play pool or another game on yahoo?<P>ANNA<BR>

Anna I'm better. SHe hasn't called yet which is strange but I have been on phone/computer alot. I have a feeling that is what she is trying to do at least that is what I'm telling myself in order to enable myself to be civil when she gets back. Oh don't get me wrong I want to take all of her stuff out front and burn it but I won't ever do anything like that. The way I look at it is that this is like winning a war with niceness. If it doesn't work out at least I won't look back and regret anything I did. Thanks for the support.<P>Take care.<BR>Brandon

Okay I really am much better now. She called is and is on her way back home. I think she was expecting me to be really cold. After she informed me that she was coming back she asked if I was distracted, I guess I wasn't talking because I was in the middle of playing with her cat. That made her really sad. You know she is a very reactionary person. I learned this early on. If I'm mad she's mad. If I'm pleasant she is also. So after letting her cat talk to her and letting her know her cat has been moping around and scratching the front door for her we talked for a really long time just about nothing. She said thanks for talking so long to her and I said I would talk her all the way home if she wanted. Not to bore you with all the details one thing that came up is that I said she missed me all dressed up because I went to church this morning. It was the first time I've been since I was a kid. She even seemed sad over that and asked why did I wait until we are broken up to start going to church. Well I told her she never said she wanted to go and has continually put down organized religion. We come from the south so that can be understood. Anyways, she said she would have always of gone I had suggested it. I told her well just chalk that up as one more thing we should have talked about and see what we could have avoided. REALLY LONG PAUSE and then an agreement. Don't really know why I'm writing all of this but this place seems to have become my journal. So stop snooping everyone. Just kidding. I'm just writing it to get it off my chest but if anyone has any comments they are more than welcome. Take care everyone.<P>Brandon

Brandon,<P>I'm headed for bed. You know it's strange, after you wrote about the great week you guys had, I had a feeling she would come back tonight instead of tomorrow. Weird.<P>Anyway, because of this and because she did come back tonight. I think she missed you this weekend. I also think she's starting to have doubts about her move. Although I do think she will move. Also, I think you need to be careful on how you put it about the other guy not helping her move. I think she may take it as controlling her, as an order. I'm wondering if you should tell her your reasons of not wanting him, then ask her if you would be there instead. I know this may be bad because if she says no it could cause a problem or a fight when you tell her I need to be here instead of him and that she has no say in it afterall. However, I do feel that she won't turn you down. If she does then I would have to say under my breath of course what a "not nice person" hehe bet you thought i'd say something else.<P>Anyway just some thoughts as I head for bed.<P>Night.<P>ANNA<BR>