Hello all...newbies and oldies alike...it's me!<P>I'm bbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackkkkk. Haven't been posting for a long time but have been lurking now and again to get caught up with everyone. CJ elbowed me in the ribs and made me realize I hadn't checked in with my old friends in quite sometime, so I figured I owed everybody an update.<P>Let's see, this melodrama's last episode ended with my divorce being final on May 4th of this last year, me as primary parent of my 14 and 10 year old, child support settled and the ex ticked about it all.<P>6 weeks after our divorce he married Cruella Deville (bimbo OW#2) and proceeded to buy a house 2 blocks from me. He went on (and continues) to play little passive agressive games like bringing Cruella with him everytime he comes to my home, manipulating my son into living with him 3 out of 4 weeks a month (thereby eliminating child support which conveniently coincided with his purchase of a new home), etc., etc., etc. He has completely trashed his relationship with my daughter by prioritizing his new wife/step daughter over his own child, and is now beginning to lose the respect of the son he tried so hard to recruit to his side. I even had to file a "cease and desist" letter to get him to stop leaving harrassing emails, voice mails and messages on my answering machine everytime I didn't do things the way he wanted. I am moving this next summer, filed my notice with the court, he is objecting and we are playing it out with lawyers, yet again. <P>So, how am I doing in all this mess? I'm tired of it all. Not surprised by any of it. And am completely convinced he is now totally off his rocker. He is the control-freak of all control-freaks. I just try not to let him surprise me.<P>On the very good side, I have been seeing someone very special for a few months now. He is, by far, the kindest man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing . He's a terrific father, and one those guys that opens doors, holds out your chair and makes me feel like there's no one else in the room even when the place is crowded with people. (Ladies, you know how amazing that is, right? ) Anyway, he knows and understands my past and I know/understand his. And it's real, rich, deep and if, it's not obvious to everyone reading this yet, I'm sort of goofy head-over-heels for him. <P>So that's Episode 2 of the Ex Files...a few yada, yada, yada's skipped over for sheer volume of posting concerns <P>I do check in now and again and lurk to keep tabs on everyone. Take care of yourselves!<P>Lisa<P>------------------<BR>I am woman...hear me roar...okay - meow...okay - purr? Hey, I'm working on it.<p>[This message has been edited by On*My*Own (edited September 23, 2001).]

Sorry to hear the ex is still a jerk, but it must be common I still get the nasty messages when I don't behave LOL. I think it is still there way of dealing with quilt. I am glad you found someone you care for what a reward that is. Be good to yourself and take care<P><BR>

Hi Lisa,<P>sounds like a typical control freak, as is mine.<P>my X refuses to talk to me, complains about my personality/values, lifestyle, whatever, and then has the gall to complain about my reactions to her complaints.<P>So now she has turned over the child support to the state IRS, after she has said in the past, even in mediation, 1) I don't want your money, and 2) i am divorcing you because you work too hard for the almighty dollar. <P>So what is a normal middle class person to do? give it all away? give it all to her? leave and take it with you? So i left and took it with me, and then she complained that she can't live like this, and yet it took her two months to cash the $1,500 check for othadontia that i gave her.<P>i told this story to someone, and her response was: so she was brought up by hippies. . . . that about sums it up.<P>so she loses having a joint checking account in which I was going deposit 6 months of money, and she could take it as she needed it. oh well, these learned MLC really suck the life out of you, because its really not about us, but its all about them and their values. <P>good to see you back!<BR>back to school for another year?<P>sWIFTTy<P>

I know what it's like to have x move back to your neighborhood. Mine got married last fall and move from a really nice apartment complex 6 miles away to a really dumpy one less than one mile away. Not a good thing. <P>Glad to hear you are alive and well. And healing nicely.

Glad to hear from ya Lisa... good news about the new man. I've been kind of lingering on that thought myself, but hey,... I'm not even divorced yet. <P>My stbx-H, as you might remember, lives right upstairs and is in my face daily. Sometimes it's a good thing, like when I *feel* like we're a family again, and other times when his rejective reminders tell me we're no longer a family... it's not a good thing. I'm trying to figure it all out.<P>A control-freak of control-freaks, eh? Maybe we should come up with a list of criteria to see what makes a control freak b/c I'd say my EX battles with the best of 'em... and of course, he makes the same claim on me.<P>Hope all goes well with you kids! It's awful to see him reject or not build the relationship with your daughter... it will really impact her emotionally, I'm afraid.<P>Hang in there!<P>Ciao!<P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

Hi Lisa!<P>I'm sorry to hear your ex is alienating his daughter. We have them for so short a time that it's amazing how our X's (or VSTBX's) can ignore the feelings of their children for something that all too often is a transitory feeling of exhiliration with someone new. I think someday they'll look back and realize what they have missed, but that fog is sometimes so thick that all they can see is themselves.<P>Just continue on doing the right thing for your kids and your life will continue to recover. I know now for sure that my son is who really helped me the most getting through this mess, and I cherish him more than I ever did before.<P>I too have met someone very special. She is incredibly witty and charming and more fun to be with than I could have ever possibly imagined, and has helped me rediscover the joy of being somebody special to someone else again.<P>To everyone who is new here and is suffering the agony that all of us "oldtimers" have gone through, the pain will fade and things do get better. It's a long and arduous journey, but you can get through it. The key is to concentrate on yourself and your kids (if there are any) and find your way back to happiness. It's out there, but you can't always find it yourself. Sometimes you have to let it find YOU.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again