When is looking around wrong?<BR>I'm 37yrs and married 18 yrs., to a 38 year old. This is a problem for me and something we argue often about. It's more than just a glance. Please Help.<BR>Thankyou,<BR>SLR

lynn425, i try to stay away from the right or wrong outlook on things. i prefer to think in terms of correct or incorrect. this way i needn't bother with the moral/religion question and i'm free to make a decision based on my unique situtation, of which only i am most aware.<BR>anyway, it's ok to look around anytime provided it's not going to jepordize your relationship or create some other problem for you or someone else. i suppose you know this already. i think what you're asking though is if it's wrong to be married and still find others attractive and exciting. it's probably wrong, according to some moral rule but everyone does it. so i say, it's ok as long as you're discreat. you were married young and i bet you wonder what you're missing and may be having second thoughts. that probably normal too. maybe the grass is looking greener on the other side. take my word for it. sometimes it is. but, it's a very expensive deal to check it out. it's also extreamly painful. on the other hand, if you find it is greener, you've made out for the rest of your life. it's a judgement call that only you can make. there is no right or wrong, black or white. you have to decide it yourself that's why it's called a personnal decision. good luck and keep positing.

frankie, i feel that your outlook is a copout. You are taking the "whatever works for me" attitude. Maybe the grass is greener on the other side, but you chose the brown grass, and if you were smart, you would fertilize and nuture the brown grass until it became green again!<P>As far as looking around, it is not wrong until it becomes obsessive or destructive. It is human nature to look at other people and find them attractive/unattractive. When it becomes more than looking, however, it can jeopordizes the relationship. It becomes a rift that is difficult to mend. The person doing the looking must want to correct the problem or it will never be corrected. This does not mean that you have to "accept" the problem, just try to find a reasonable solution that you and your mate can live with.<P>My husband looks and so do I. I am bothered by his use of pornography. We have come to an agreement that it is not to be done at home. He still uses the internet, but not as often as he used to. I don't look at people in the way that "Oooo, what a babe, wouldn't he be great." I look in terms of "that person is an attractive person" or the like. I am very happily married and do not feel threatened by my husband's natural instinct to find others attractive. He views the porn as just something to look at, not as reality. We are all people watchers by nature. We have come to a mutual agreement regarding all of this.<P>If your mate is looking too much, perhaps you should talk to someone. Even if he won't go, you should, at least to know that you are not alone.<P>Good luck.